Labradoodle & Goldendoodle Forum
Bonding with Maggie
Let me preface this by saying that I know how ridiculous it sounds. But I would like to hear other people’s experiences with bringing home a new rescue. I think it will help.
I don’t think Maggie likes me. She’s been here 3 weeks. And she likes me, that’s not the right phrasing. We are getting along well. She seeks attention. She follows me around. She even asked to go outside last night and I understood! But I don’t think she loves me. I don’t think she trusts me. And I have the distinct impression that she feels like a visitor here waiting for her real mommies to come back and get her.
I adore her. I want us to have a mutual love fest. I’ve been spending time with her. Trying to give her space to figure things out and decide that she wants to come to me. I’ve fed her by hand and given her a million treats (probably a few too many.) I encourage her to come be near me, but then let her go when she wants to leave 3 seconds later. She loves to go for rides so I take her with me when I can. We play ball in the yard. We’ve gone for walks. We’re waiting for our training class to start.
I’m not sure if I’m missing something, or maybe I’m trying too hard. Or possibly she just isn’t going to be the dog who wants to hang out with me on the couch. But from what her foster mom’s tell me she was that dog with them. I want her to like me too. I think it’s hard because no one will ever be Ava, and I miss what I had with her so much. I don’t want Maggie to be Ava. I just want her to be just like Ava. I know, ridiculous.
So tell me I’m expecting too much too soon. Tell me that it takes 2 months, or 3 months, or that our obedience class will be the thing that will bond her to me. I just want to be closer to her. The stinky hound dogs that I transported yesterday were more excited to see me than she is. I got major kisses from them. Sloppy dog tongue in my mouth!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Stacy on
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There were 5 other dogs in the foster home! And she was very bonded with one of them. I saw pictures of them laying on top of one another. Maggie likes Katie. But they aren't friends like that.
These are all great suggestions. And in reading through everything that everyone wrote, maybe we really are bonding more than I thought we were. She really does follow me everywhere. I go into the kitchen and Maggie comes, I go into the bathroom and Maggie comes. If she was really not interested she would just ignore it. I think sometimes we have preconceived expectations, and I got stuck on a couple of mine. I need to just let her be herself and whatever happens will happen.
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Permalink Reply by Laurie, Fudge, and Vern on
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Stacy, It sounds to me like Maggie and you are bonding. I just think it is going to take time. I don't know how many homes she has had, but this all has to be so confusing and maybe she is holding back a little piece of her heart until she feels safe and secure. I just think the longer she is with you, the better it will get. I wish you nothing but the best and please keep us updated!
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I think you're right. I think I might have been worried about nothing. We went for a walk and now both of them are sitting on the couch with me. I think she just needs more time to settle in and know that she's really home. Thank you.
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Permalink Reply by Joani, Skadi & Elli on
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When we took over the care of Skadi, our English cream golden doodle, at 3 months from our grown kids, I was feeling somewhat the same. I would go over to pet her and she would get up and leave! I was shunned! She was so darn cute and I wanted her love. I tried not to take it personally. This "cool" behavior lasted until she was around 7 months, 8 months old. Today she is 7 1/2 years old and one of the loves of my life. So maybe it was a combination of things, her puppy hood and losing her first home.
We adopted Elli three years ago...she was 6 years old...all she wanted was love, love, and more love. Very very demanding, with her paw, and her body. She shadowed my every move. This was immediate behavior. The trainer helped me "decompress" Elli to help her acclimate to our home in a healthy way. I wrote this story about Elli... it's quite lengthy, but I had a lot to share....hope you're not sorry you ask folks to share their experiences! LOL
Craigslist Elli We have two beloved doodles. Skadi, our English Cream golden doodle has been with us since our grown kids decided back in 2010 they could not give her the proper care. Thank goodness the kids had her less than a month. Skadi is 7 ½ now and a very well-behaved laid back doodle. She only had bad puppy behavior which passed within six months… and of course I fell in love with the doodles! I mean come on how could you not love a doodle. They are so cute, so sweet, such great temperament, good with kids, love just being by you, so many good attributions. Then, along came Elli. Elli has been with us since January 2014 the Vet estimated that she just turned 6 years old when we brought her home. She turned 9 this January 2018. I wasn’t crazy about the puppy stages, so I thought, yes, an older quieter doodle just like Skadi would be wonderful and a great companion for Skadi, and they would be cute cute together. Oh how I fantasized! Nope, nope…now as I look back I know I was completely delusional.
Elli was rescued by her previous owner when she was about 4 years old. Her history before that time remains a mystery. No one knows where she had been the first four years of her life. The previous owner had Elli spayed and microchipped, had to give him kudos for that much. After a couple years, the 30 something man thought he needed a mate, (I know, I know, I hear you screaming…he had Elli!) So he decided to get married. His fiancée was expecting, she also had a pit bull, and she had an eight year old daughter. So, the owner, a “lonely” man, posted Elli on Craigslist. Elli had to go. The ad proclaimed they just didn’t have the time for Elli. She was a good dog, and once in a while would chase chipmunks, $50 please.
To my dismay, I have seen many poor dogs that people were trying to get rid of posted on this questionable site, but rarely would you expect someone to post a sweet golden doodle, so when I saw this posting I couldn’t believe my eyes….after all, remember, I was in love with doodles! Immediately I contacted the owner and after some discussion and phone calls back and forth I headed out in the middle of a terrible snowstorm to save this poor sweet girl who had been so bounced around from home to home. Poor Elli, didn’t even come with a bed…just a leash, collar and a big bag of cheap kibble. The mere man was leaving the “dirty” work up to his fiancée. And when the pregnant lady had the nerve to put out her hand for the $50, I told her to tell her “Man” that they were very very lucky I was taking Elli. She didn’t argue with me as she handed Elli over. I hooked the leash to Elli’s collar and she literally dragged me out the door and down the slippery snowy sidewalk. Uh oh I thought, Elli does not leash walk. Little did I know this was only the beginning of the adventures of my new found friend.
Today, three years later, I can breathe a little easier and weave silly stories how Elli was such an excellent teacher for her new mom and dad. She was so in tuned to critters we figured she could have held her own class on wildlife. We were thrown into becoming these unwitting students dealing with a doodle that had been given very little training that was crazed and I do mean crazy crazed about critters. Now I realized these darlings had retriever in them, and poodle in them, so it was a given they loved critters…but we had a doodle so I thought I was prepared…I have lots of room I thought, a giant fenced yard, time to play with our new love, toys to share, a big car to travel with them, doggie day care…what more did I need? What more could a doodle ask for? My fun began the very first weekend.
I had the dogs out in our huge fenced in yard and Skadi and Elli were playing and having a blast when Elli spotted the neighbor’s dog. She went into a frenzied run, and with strange squealing sounds she ran back and forth along the fence line until she catapulted over the 4 ½ foot fence , landed on the other side and began running completely out of sight! Frantically I ran after her, snow boots and all, chasing her all the while chastising myself for not taking the time to get tags made for her. She had nothing on to identify her or where she belonged. How was she going to know where she was? How could she possibly make her way back home? What if someone picked her up? What if it gets dark…oh, how I beat myself up bad while I kept clopping along calling her name…aware all the while of how fast the sun can set making the chilly evening even colder. I couldn’t find her; I heard other dogs in the neighborhood barking so I figured she had to be nearby. Through my tears I went home without her, I pulled the car out of the garage and was heading down the drive way, I would have to find her. Luckily, I spotted her in the neighbor’s yard…I opened the car door, I called to her loudly several times and she came to me like nothing happened …”like sure, I haven’t been gone for a half-hour running crazy all over my new neighborhood, no, I wasn’t lost, and yes, now that you’ve offered I would love to go for a ride. Oh, and by the way new mom you really should be thanking me… I just helped you get in more than 10,000 steps today.” Imagine my relief. And so our adventures began. Needless to say, I had tags made for Elli the very next day as I dialed the trainer’s number. I knew I had a bit of a challenge ahead of me, however, unbeknownst to me, I was about to meet my ultimate test of patience and love. And mind you, I had raised three children! Through the following months, Elli was able to escape time and time again from folks visiting the house and leaving the door open, and others forgetting to close the gate, or if we would be outside and a critter would appear Elli would be gone in a heartbeat. Thus the fun continued and Elli proceeded to teach her new mom and dad how much she loved to run like the wind. Some dogs are just runners but I thought not sweet doodles, maybe those Siberian Huskies perhaps or those sleek grey hound dogs. But then I thought maybe that’s why Elli had been in previous homes. However, each time she miraculously came back to our home in several uncanny ways…through the help of others or just on her own…and each time I would vow to make sure her running wouldn’t happen again. Silly me, or was it ignorant me, I certainly wasn’t used to a dog not staying around. After all, Skadi never ventured away from our home by herself….ever.
“Professor” Elli, as she was soon to be affectionately dubbed, allowed us firsthand field experience through the following months. She came to the right location for critter chasing as our property backs up into 2200 acres of state owned land. Elli was in heaven! Oh the smells! The incredible amazing smells! She showed us how she could tangle with skunks and even worse, a Porcupine. As we became Elli’s unwilling students she continued letting us observe eye-popping rapid and frenzied chases after deer, turkey, rabbits, squirrels and the unsuspecting chipmunk. Elli enthusiastically demonstrated these escapades over and over. Once again, extra special attention would be given to teaching us valuable techniques. One technique we enjoyed over and over was “the fine and precise art of caked swamp mud and slime removal from your furry pet.” As Elli’s students, we honed skills in the ability to carefully cut out picker burrs imbedded precariously close to the skin and with sticks in places you would wonder how in heck did that get there? One particularly dark and stormy night, after another Houdini escape episode, Elli was being extra gracious by letting us meet the 24 emergency vet to remove the porcupine quills. That was a great experience; I didn’t get home until 1:00a.m. and had to work the next day. We had a lot to learn! And, number one on my special “to do” list was not to let Elli out of my sight.
I had to give Elli credit though; she was definitely an interesting and unusual teacher. She loved teaching us classes on how prey drive could control the very soul of a doodle. We were so naïve and unsuspecting. If we had paid more attention and taken these “classes” sooner, we may have been able to avoid this doodle’s critter chasing that led to tearing the siding off both the pole barns and the garage, jumping a 4 ½ foot fence, and digging in the backyard challenging our skills of balance when stepping in holes. Elli, our “special” doodle was also proficient in ripping through a canvas crate, the special one that Skadi was raised in. We kept the crate at our little cottage and decided it would be a good idea if we put Elli in the crate while we go do a little fishing…then we wouldn’t have to worry about her safety. Elli escaped, marred the paneled woodwork (because she was sure there were critters) and ultimately escaped out the back screen door and we thought all the while she was safely tucked into her crate. When we docked the boat and went inside the cottage, Elli was nowhere to be found. Skadi just looked at us and hung her head. The neighbors helped us find Elli that day…however, we were not happy when we received our repair bills for the woodwork and the siding at home. We began to scratch our heads, wondering how one little 50 pound doodle could keep getting the best of us bringing us to our knees. Being the sweet and understanding doodle, and in order to preserve our sanity, our little Professor wanted to be helpful and quickly recommend lengthy sessions in classes like: 1) Patience as a virtue, your reward hopefully is waiting in heaven. 2) Deep breathing exercises for mental clarity, and 3) Getting back to basics: “Counting to 10…and again when needed.” These were all electives of course and all taught by our very own Professor Elli. We scrambled to sign up for each and every one less those classes filled up leaving us without these invaluable survival skills.
Ah, bringing us to the present. I love Elli. I decided that Elli is like a Big Box of chocolates, you know the kind that you can’t tell what you are going to get…but after your first bite you are either going to spit it out or there is no going back. Today Elli knows where she belongs. Elli has always had a very sweet disposition and easily made her home with our family. That’s what it seemed to me. However, Elli did need to “decompress” when she first came to live with us. The trainer told me if she had any bad behaviors, and we didn’t “nip them in the bud” within the first two weeks, she would continue them. She has had many many training sessions to help reign in her incredible amount of energy. Her favorite thing to do is run crazy off leash in the woods, (all under control after getting special training). So, after three years of “nipping it in the bud”, the best thing I can say that has happened since we took Elli in is getting more love, and being able to give her a stable, quiet environment that she so deserves. Opening our hearts and giving her a forever home where she can relax, enjoy playing games, chew on bones and toys makes my insides happy. We’ve worked on teaching Elli to play tug, fetch, play with stuffed toys, and hide and seek, she’s really just a puppy in her mind. Seeing Skadi and Elli play together is an exceptionally delightful treat. And watching Elli in a controlled environment “run like the wind” is truly a thing of beauty. I realize her innocence and as you can see, Elli was a Master at teaching us an enormous amount of information we just needed to pay attention in class. Her crazed behavior was not her fault…and I’m sure if the previous owner had honestly described Elli’s antics, he would not have been able to find her a home so easy. Giving Elli a chance, rechanneling her energies, redirecting her critter chasing tendencies has helped her blossom into a gorgeous girl, a great companion for Skadi, a running partner for her dad, and for me, well I had no idea how patient I’d become over the years…or was I just too stunned most of the time to react! Seriously, I have never had so much love and loyalty given back to me for just giving them food (just kidding…I’m sure I mean more to them than just a soft bed, a warm house and a meal ticket…right?) I had no idea I could love dogs so very much I had always been a cat person. Of course I’m still upset with Skadi for lulling me into a false sense of security, thinking all doodles were well behaved like her. I doubted the previous owner missed Elli due to her craziness, and destructive tendencies. Will all rescue dog’s behavior be like Elli’s? Each dog is different, and I understand now that the previous owners probably didn’t have the right motives in taking a dog into their homes. However, I also realize the needs of a rescue or rehomed dog and I would want people to be prepared for the challenges that are presented in order to have a wonderful transition period as they all adjust into a new environment.
Alas, I did worry and felt sad that Elli perhaps, on the other hand, would miss her former owner, but Elli’s trainer reassured me and said “Unlike humans, dogs get on with their lives”. Those were comforting words for me, and I find that to be true with Elli…she’s getting on very well with her life, ”our work in progress” has stolen our hearts and sometimes our place in bed.
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Joani - You really are a saint! Elli's antics made me laugh so much, but I'm sure you weren't laughing when you were dealing with them. I can't tell you how much better it makes me feel that my biggest problem is that Maggie won't sleep in the bed with me. I mean, she has a little bit of pee-pee trouble when she's home alone, and she has dug a couple holes in the back. I don't even care about the holes. I pay for short term disability. It should be totally fine when I break an ankle! But I would lose my mind if she escaped.
It sounds like Elli has come so far with you. She really landed a wonderful home that last time. I think of all the people I know who would think that was just too much trouble and dump her again. And I'm so glad to know people who understand that yes, I am in fact having a nervous breakdown because the dog won't just cooperate and sleep in my bed where she belongs!
I'm really trying to let it go. She will figure out that the bed is the place to be when she's ready. I barely even make them scoot over when they're hogging the whole thing. But I know I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. Sometimes the dramatic gets away from me.
Does Elli catch a lot of the critters she chases? After the incident with the baby bunnies last summer I think I would have to install a hermetically sealed bubble over the yard. I know it's the circle of life, but I like to pretend that all the woodland creatures are happily frolicking in the forest and no one is eating anyone else. Let me have my fantasy.
I am so glad you shared this with me!
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Elli hasn't harmed any of the critters...that i am aware of. She loves to dig after them and chase after them. She hasn't lost that instinct ... as I write she is outside digging. These kids sure do need good homes. I get so frustrated when I hear someone is getting a puppy...then they tell me they aren't home and the puppy needs to be crated for hours on end. One of my staff told me her puppy scoots the whole crate across the floor! That disheartens me when i know the dog isn't taken care of properly. Then they wonder why the dog acts out. So here's to folks that open their hearts and homes to the "forgotten" furbabies.
Personally, I could care less if the dogs get in bed. Skadi gets in bed with me every morning for her daily scratching...then at night sometimes she will also get in bed for awhile...but I think she gets too warm and likes laying on the floor...she has a choice of 3 beds and believe me, she uses all of them...plus the tile floor in the bathroom...go figure. Elli, our Craigslist baby who has been so extremely destructive is now her daddy's favorite bed partner! He says he can't sleep without her...and Elli is more than willing to take up her spot between us. They really do need folks that are serious to provide the right environment. Some days I just scratch my head and think maybe we've done dogs an injustice by domesticating them and they would have been better left in the wild! LOL
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Permalink Reply by Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie on
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I love Elli's story. I am so glad that she landed at your house. You made a commitment to her and you intend to keep it. She is VERY lucky you saw her Craig's List ad. And poor long-suffering Skadi :-} I'll bet she adores the excitement Elli brings into her life - well mostly.
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Thanks Nancy...I'm sure we are all in that same "group" of folks when a dog needs rescuing...I can just hear their little minds spinning, thinking..."Oh yes, yes...look...here comes my forever mom...I'll be good for a little while...as good as I can anyway..." But they are so well worth all the time, patience, and money! Can't love 'em enough!
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I want to thank you all for all of your support. It really made me feel better. I think Maggie and I are going to be a great team, I just needed to realize that I can't rush it. The good news is, while my 2 gates are bigger than 1 theory didn't work - she still managed to push the upper gate down and escape, she didn't have any accidents while I was gone today. It's not my biggest concern if she has an accident. But it was a welcome surprise when I came home and she hadn't. And she was so happy to see me.
I called the trainer I had been thinking of and he's coming to the house on Thursday. And I kid you not, I have 150 pages of reading homework to do before he gets here. He definitely seems thorough. I also had to fill out a 5 page questionnaire and send it back. What is your biggest problem you want to solve? I don't think we have any problems. I just want to communicate better with my dog. And not create problems for the future.
I can just imagine all the fun we will have together once we work out the kinks. I'm really glad Maggie picked me to be her mom.
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Permalink Reply by Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle on
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So am I. :)
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That is fantastic! You are definitely doing the very best for yourself, Maggie and anyone that is involved. Keep us updated on your "Journey with Maggie"...most of all LAUGH...that's what got me and my mate through dealing with Elli.
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