Calling all Judge Judy's! Does F Parker Owe me $541.17?

I really hate to air my dirty laundry on DK, but this problem is too big for me to solve on my own. It started last week. I was minding my own business and I got a message from F Parker to look for a package on Monday. First, I was worried that she meant to say look for a discussion on Monday and might be planning some discussion about who my father was, since she already said she thinks my mom is Julia Child. I would hate to wake up on Monday and see she is now saying my father is the brainless Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz.

Anyway, I re-read her message and it clearly said package, so I started to get very excited. I love surprises and I love presents, although I was secretly hoping it wasn’t a book on Hokum.

First thing Monday morning, I ran down our long driveway and set myself up by the mailbox to wait for my package.

Now, I know there have been some jokes about my running speed, but I will tell you even though my walk and run are similar, I ran for all I was worth down to that mailbox. All day, I sat there waiting for our postman, Alvin, to arrive. I was all prepared to say to Alvin, “My goodness, that is quite the package you have there,” just to see if I could get him to say one other thing to me besides, “here is your mail.” My dogs were watching me from the gate and I kept yelling up to them, “Mommy has no time for Doodles today. I am waiting for my package.” After a couple of hours, I was yelling, “where is that darn F (I might have added a few additional letters) package!”

The dogs would disappear and then reappear and still I waited. Finally, Alvin arrived and guess what….no package. I didn’t panic because I knew it might be coming Fed-Ex or UPS. At 7 pm and still no package, I had to finally face the fact that F had played a cruel joke on me.

If you are asking yourself right about now, why does Laurie think she needs Judge Judy, well here goes. As many of you know, I had to take Fudge to the emergency vet yesterday and after a four hour visit and a bill of $541.17, Fudge was sent home and later vomited up feathers and a small bone. I had plenty of time to think about this today and I am sure Fudge got into something WHILE I was waiting for my package down by that mailbox and doesn’t that make this whole thing F’s fault? Never mind, that I did leave my post for a couple of quick walks up at the park, I am a vigilant dog walker and did not miss a thing and no way, did Fudge get a hold of a bird on my watch.

I am willing to settle this amicably, but I know F well enough to know she is going to use some big words that I do not understand and accuse me of exaggerating and say something like, “you have no evidence to support your claims.” Last time I took her on, she told me something like I was hoisted by my own petard and truthfully, I don’t know if that is good or bad, but I don’t like the sound of it. If this gets to court, she may subpoena my mom to speak to my credibility, since my mother is still reeling from my The Doodle Stare and Celery blog and the fact that she says I fabricated the amount of celery she purchased at the store.

As to her motive, all I can surmise is that is has something to do with me not listening to her when she told me I needed a DVR and her point was proven when I missed Dancing with the Stars.

Before she yells, “Hokum,” she did lure me to the mailbox with the whole package thing, setting this whole event in motion. This could get ugly quickly and I know my mom would get the sympathy vote based on her age alone, so I am appealing to all the kind people to look at the facts, side with me, and convince F to send me my check and all this will be forgotten.

Now, that we have taken care of that small matter, my package came today. I really hate to bring up all this unpleasantness and appear ungrateful after such a lovely gesture, and I can just hear F saying, “no good deed goes unpunished,” or something about getting bit in the Gluteus Maximus, but a debt is a debt.

Anyway, I opened my door yesterday to find a box that said something about roses and for a minute was taken aback. It is unlike my husband to send me flowers for no reason and usually he says something subtle like, “there is going to be a flower delivery today,” and since he didn’t say that, I was perplexed. Well, I opened up the box and inside was a Julia Child rose bush ready to be planted from F Parker and the nicest card that said in part, You’re always doing nice things for others, so it’s my turn.

I gave her my word when I told her about this discussion that I would tell you what she wrote on the card. When I thanked her on DK and mentioned how cool that the rose bush was named after Julia Child, she wrote back that she, too, loved roses that had people names and especially if it happened to be someone she wanted in her bed…..wait a minute….that doesn’t sound right…she also mentioned the Pope, Queen Elizabeth, and John F. Kennedy….hold on while I check the facts….slight mistake…..what she said was, “I love that roses have people's names, although some people I don't want in my beds.” Phew.....I just narrowly avoided being brought up on slander charges.

All kidding aside, this gift truly touched me and I was excited beyond belief as the rose bush will produce yellow roses, which is my favorite rose color of all. Plus, it is named after my mom. In my opinion, an unexpected gift is the nicest one of all. Thank you, F Parker, for your generosity and in the spirit of friendship, just make the check out to me for $500.00.

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