Dear Varmint!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Dear Varmint,

 

You recently moved into our neighborhood and I would like to inform you that we have a neighborhood watch and their names are Fudge and Vern. 

They know the comings and goings of all neighbors, strangers, animals, and especially varmints.  

The last few nights have been tough on them and the people they live with because you are out there doing something past our bedtime.  Article 3, section 2, in the handbook you were given when you moved in, clearly states that all nighttime activity must conclude by 11 pm and not resume before 7 am.  Last night, there was activity at 2 am, 4 am, and again at 6 am.  We know this because the neighborhood watch was busy running from window to window; barking and carrying on like a couple of dancing hyenas.

 

This is your first warning to stop all nighttime activity.  If you continue to disobey this notice, you will be evicted from this neighborhood one-way or the other.  Please spread the word amongst your deer friends, cat friends, and any other friends that go bump in the night.  I don’t want to scare you or make idle threats, but if the lady of the house has to come out there some night in her bathrobe, rubber boots, and Edward Scissorhands hairdo, because the neighborhood watch has interrupted her beauty rest, it isn’t going to be pretty, and I don’t just mean the lady of the house. 

Just out of curiosity have you ever seen the show Swamp People?

Let’s try and be neighborly from here on out and keep our cavorting to a minimum after the designated hours. We appreciate any help you can give us in this matter.

 

Sincerely,

 

The Neighborhood Watch and their Tired Owners

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Dear Fudge and Vern,

I am printing and posting your letter for the varmints in our yard.  Last night one of those varmints invaded our yard so I, being the bravest of all, ran down stairs and out the doggy door to chase the dangerous character away!  At my first alerts my mom peered out the window and called to me - "Ned, stop that! Ned, be quiet!  Ned, cut it out!" 
Then she called me to come, but I couldn't I was busy protecting the HOMESTEAD. 

I heard her stomp down the stairs. She opened the door and YELLED, "NED, COME NOW!"                                                   

But I couldn't let my quarry go!  What if they tried to come in my doggy door and invade the house!? My mom acted exasperated with ME.  Didn't she understand that I was protecting hearth and home?

Guess what my mom did?  She hosed me down!  Actually went out back in her pajamas and turned the hose on ME! 

I actually didn't care much about the water, but I could tell she was really mad so, reluctantly, I retreated.  I am not sure what the varmint was but it looked kind of like this:

Now we just can't have this any more.  I am posting your letter on several places on our fence so those varmints know NOT to trespass on our land!

Sincerely,

Ned

PS Where was Clancy during all this you ask.  The big slow oaf got caught before he could even get out the door.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Ned, I read this on my email first so I was afraid the last photo would be a critter with a white stripe down its back. (Especially after I read that you got hosed off!) Whew! or Phew! Glad you didn't get sprayed (by a black and white stinker).

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

Nancy, this is hilarious! Thanks for the late-night laugh!!

[F, Calla & Luca]

Ditto.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Ned, Wow.....we don't ever want to make your mom mad. We are sorry you got hosed....LOL!! Love, Fudge and Vern

[Lynda Kamrath]

Hehehe!   Love it!  We have our varmint problems here too.  The squirrels invade the hummingbird feeders, the blue jays wreck havock in the back yard, and the racoons are in the water bowls washing their food.  I tried to get a photo of the squirrel, but he is there behind the hummingbird feeder hanging off the tree and shaking the feeder to get the water to come out.  Always some action in the yard.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Update.  My varmint came back again last night and my mom tried the water thing again but I fooled her, I moved just around the corner of the house so she couldn't get me.  She got really smart and got treats - I came right to her for a treat!  It sure took a lot of training before she learned that!

[F, Calla & Luca]

Nancy, why do let the dogs out in the middle of the nigh? Can't you close off the dog door when you go to bed? I had a little door built so I could close the flap off if I wanted to keep the dogs on the screen porch where the dog door is. But most of the time don't let the dogs go on the porch if I don't want them outside.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

We can close the dog door, but we rarely do ('member this is southern California, land of the mild weather) and there is rarely a problem so we weren't prepared for Ned's late-night forays into varmint eradication.  We thought once, okay, but twice....  Last night we closed the dogs in our bedroom and that solved the problem.

[F, Calla & Luca]

My solution too.

[Bonnie and Kona]

You are one smart doodle! 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Ned, You have to be consistent for training with humans to work. Love, Fudge and Vern