Do You Have An Arch-Nemesis?? Fudge and Vern, Or Should I Say Laurie, Have Two!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I have had it with two creatures that share this earth with us. We walk everyday up at our nearby State Park and I have never killed (on purpose) an animal, but I am about to start packing (think Jane) like Elmer Fudd and start taking matters into my own hands. 

I am just not sure I can operate a weapon, hold poop bags, control two large dogs, and hit my target.  What has got my dander up?  Well, I will tell you! 

First of all, that park is loaded with geese and the main reason they seem to exist is to generate enough poop on the sidewalk, in the grass, and on any stationary object, that it forces humans to become nimble on their feet and hones our dog training techniques.  I am starting to wonder if every morning the head goose stands around and passes out Ex-Lax to make sure they have a very productive day.  We have all heard of a fleet of geese, and there is even a laxative called Fleet and if I worked in Marketing at the Fleet company, I would suggest their slogan be, "Makes you poop like a goose!" 

Possibly, the solution is to find the pill dispensing goose and either hand it a supply of poop bags or convince the goose that distributing Imodium capsules would allow her to live a longer life.

Yesterday, I was screaming, "Leave It!" so loudly at Fudge and Vern that I think I saw an old lady drop her purse. Our entire walk consists of me on high alert for evidence that some goose with an overactive digestive system has walked this path before and then convincing my dogs that leaving gross stuff alone would be in their best interest. I can tell you I see no let up with these goose pie dropping beasts because they are multiplying by the dozens.  Sure, the babies are cute, but it is just a matter of time before they get bigger and say to themselves, "this is as good as place as any," when the urge strikes and we all know that is somewhere on a sidewalk. 

Next up, we have the groundhog, or as I like to call them, the moving rodent from hell. This little guy serves one purpose and that is to come out once a year, either see his shadow or not, and predict the weather. 

The rest of the time he is digging holes big enough to swallow a human whole, or running from hole to hole while you are walking your dogs and trying to engage them in a game of Red Rover, Red Rover, Send Fudge and Vern Over.  He has no regard to the human attached to the other end of their leashes.  I am all for working with distractions, but fifty mounds of goose poop and fourteen groundhogs running willy-nilly would tax even Victoria Stillwell or Mother Teresa, especially since I strongly believe in another life, Fudge and Vern were hunting dogs.

So, I ask you, can anyone come up with one good reason why I shouldn't start carrying a rifle and put these creatures out of MY misery?  I will consider all suggestions, but don't bother bringing up the fact that I don't know how to shoot, have never hunted, and am prone to nervous tics.  I need valid reasons only.

[Becka]

I'm with you, Sherri--I think groundhogs are cute. I used to watch them fatten up all summer when I lived in the catskill mountains (mostly by raiding my bird feeders--did you know they can climb trees?). I got some great pictures. It was also pretty funny to watch them run for their burrows with all their fat rippling away. :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Becka, What is your address? I am going to give them money to move your way....LOL!!

[Becka]

No problem, Laurie! You could make them little signs for hitchhiking that say "Florida or Bust!"

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I will be up all night making those signs. We have a lot of geese....LOL!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Sherri, I had one of those cute groundhogs stuck in my window well :) My husband did save him, but we asked him to move somewhere else. Don't even get me started on those darn chipmunks and squirrels. LOL  I am sure your Doodles only want to play.

[F, Calla & Luca]

The chipmunks definitely have bets going on whose hole breaks one of my limbs.

[Ann Kendig]

I certainly hope that NEVER happens!!!

[F, Calla & Luca]

Me too!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Me three!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

We have the same problem. Fudge likes to enlarge the holes, just in case they are not big enough for the chipmunks.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Sometimes Luca puts his ball in the holes because he loves to dig it out of things. He also sticks his nose in the holes and I tell him he may get bitten on the nose.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

My two stick their entire heads in the groundhog holes. It is just a matter of time before one of them loses a nose :) I have upside down lawn chairs in my yard covering the holes they have dug. You can only imagine how nice our yard looks.