First timer feeling overwhelmed but hopeful

[Dexter Doodle]

Hi all! I picked up my Dexter a little over a week ago when he turned 8 weeks old. I never had a dog growing up and after watching my 13 year old son dog sit for neighbors this summer, I thought I would give him what he always wanted and I also looked forward to a buddy to go on long walks, play fetch, and snuggle with.

I knew puppies were work, but didn't expect it to take over my life. I am a little crazy with keeping a clean and tidy house and it is currently a mess! Dexter unhappily sleeps in his crate at night and is in there when I have to go out, but otherwise he is with me. He usually cries for about 10 minutes then calms down. I take him out once during the night and knock on wood he hasn't had an accident in the crate since the first night. We also have cats and one just completely avoids him, but the other is a ragamuffin and that breed is known not to fight back. I have been successful at getting a hold of Dexter before he gets a bite in. I do worry for my sweet kitty though.

My house has a very open floor plan. Dexter stays with me in my family room/kitchen, but gates won't really work for us. Once I feel he is mostly house trained I will start allowing him to go in the other rooms too, but I'm sure that will be some time from now. We also have a large fenced back yard, but because he is so young, he can walk right through the gate. I keep him close or leashed in the back also.

My husband either works from home or travels occasionally. Since I don't work and was the one who pushed for this, I take on 90 percent of the work. My son doesn't get home from school until 4:30, has homework, music lessons, scouts, etc. he helps, but isn't always around.

I had a trainer in last week when I was completely sleep deprived and hitting a breaking point. She gave me a few ideas to start training with and a few games to play. They work well, but there are times that you can see him just get out of control with jumping and nipping and I start losing my patience and just hope his nap is coming.

There are times when he is calmer and seems to really listen to me and acts so sweet. They are rare, but gives me hope for the future.

I want to walk around with a big smile and say how fun this is as I see so many others do. I know I sound like a big whiner. I am the type of person to just say how I really feel. This is tough and sometimes I am just too tired and don't want to go out in the pouring rain or sit on the floor and entertain and get nipped at. Sometimes I enjoy it, but others not as much.

Everyone tells me the hard work will pay off, but when does it get easier? Looking forward to hearing opinions.

[Lynda Kamrath]

It's kind of like having a toddler in the house, isn't it?  You will learn to do without sleep or get a little when he has his naps also.  Oh yeah, the good ol' days!  Everything totally normal in my opinion.

[Dexter Doodle]

It is like having a toddler and a newborn at the same time. Although my toddler never bit me or threw the temper tantrums that my four legged boy does!

[BG and Gavin]

This sounds very typical of our experience with Gavin as a puppy.  I am glad you are being frank.  Remember being in a sleep deprived state makes things look worse.  Also shouldering the responsibility essentially on your own also makes things look worse.  Here are my suggestions.

1.  You likely cannot count on your child to step up and help and the pestering that you will have to do will likely just increase your stress and negative feelings.

2.  Have an honest discussion with your husband that you need him to step up a bit and state exactly what it is that you need him to do (for example one 10 minute walk in the the morning, or final potty break of the night or first potty break in the morning).  It is my experience that men  people respond best when you tell them exactly what you expect :)

3.  Set up a schedule for yourself.  You do not need to have the puppy with you at all times during the day - this is draining you.  A schedule can look like this:  first potty break, tether the pup to you for 1/2 hour in morning then into the kennel while you get son off to school.  Walk the puppy, feed him and into the kennel.  Etc.

4.  Tethering is your best friend.  Tether the pup to you and go about your daily chores (laundry, sweeping, working in the kitchen).  This allows you to keep eyes on him and get him potty trained and keep him out of trouble or doing what he is not supposed to do.  It also establishes you as his leader and when you move, he moves.  It also improves your bond.  It takes a bit to get the hang of it, but it is worth it.  Try not to talk to him much while on tether - just move and he will figure out he needs to follow.  This form of training is exhausting for him so he will require crate time after 1/2 hour or so.

5.  Pull out a white cotton tube sock - tie it in knots and put it in the pup's mouth anytime you want to pet him or brush him and he wants to bite.  Also you can dampen the sock and put it in the freezer which is soothing for his teething puppy mouth.

6.  Do some reframing.  Instead of "oh darn, its time the walk the dog again" making your daily walk into a fun occasion by going into a different neighbourhood that you have never been to etc.

7.  Enroll in a puppy socialization class.  These classes are a riot.  It will get the smile back on your face.  Continue with group training.  It is a fun weekly outing and you can commiserate with the other puppy parents.

8.  It does get better --- way better.  My guy was a typical, nippy, high energy, high needs puppy and now he is a model citizen, certified therapy dog and gets oooed and ahhhed on all the time.  Exercise and training will make all the difference and can be fun and challenging for you too (plus it has all kinds of human health benefits).

[Dexter Doodle]

Thank you so much for taking the time to give me such detailed advice.

1. Yes, I try not to push my son too much. Not that he won't help, but he has a hard time managing Dexter. I will include him in training classes when Dexter is done with vaccines. I think that is at 14 weeks.

2. My husband has been helpful with picking up the other loose ends and giving me a break when I ask for it. Ike you said, I need to ask.

3. I know this is my biggest problem. Today I wore him out and put him in the crate so I can shower. I was only 30 minutes so I decided I would eat lunch before I take him out. He had a 30 minute scratching, yelping,crying session. I think my nerves were more frazzled than they would be if I had him with me. I don't give in though. I will do what I need to so it will get better.

4. I have to try this. Especially if I can tire him out and accomplish what I need to do

5. Another great idea. Do I have to worry that he we always chew socks? Yes, I am a worrier!

6. He is refusing to walk on the leash with me. He pulls back to the house ever time I try. I am likely having a trainer come next week to help me work on this.

7. The vet told me I can't start any classes until he completes his vaccinations. I look forward to taking him to classes.

8. How old is your guy now? It has only been a week but feels much, much longer! At 6 months can you walk around the house without having your eyes peeled on your pup? I know I can do the work... I know I can get there.... It's just the not knowing how long these stages will last that make me insane.

Thanks again! It is so appreciated!

[BG and Gavin]

Re: 1 - yes I kinda forgot about the vaccines.  Something to look forward to.

Re: 5 - I think most of these retriever type dogs have a fondness for socks, but they do not seem to generalize very well.  I really do not think that my guy equated the knotted up toy with the thrill of swiping something from the laundry basket to make your human chase you.  (Puppy Gavin had a fondness for bras - ugh).

Re: 6 - once again I forgot how young he is.  Practice walking with him up and down the hallways for your home, off leash, while holding a treat above his head to keep his attention.  You can gradually add the leash, then take it outside, then off property etc.

Re: 8 - Gavin is 5 now.  By six months he could be out of the crate overnight and I used baby gates to set up gradually increasing areas of the house he could be when we were gone.  When home I expected him to follow me room to room and unless he was sleeping, he stayed in our sight.  If he didn't it meant he was up to something...lol.  By nine months he had free roam day and night.  He still generally wants to be in the same room as his people, unless he sneaks off to bed.

[Christina Hodgson]

Re: 3 Callie originally whined in her crate too, since it was the middle of the summer, we realized it may have been too warm for her in there with the blanket draped overtop to make it darker, so we put extra floor tiles on the floor of her crate with a blanket over top, so if she was warm she could push the blanket aside. She also hated being "put" into her crate, so we made it a training game. I'd throw in a kong and tell her "go in your crate". Then she knew being in her crate was a good thing. When we started clicker training I'd tell her to go in her crate, then as soon as she stepped in she'd get a click and a treat with the door open, then the door closed. It takes time to make it all the way, but now she only whines in her crate if she needs to go pee. 

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

lol, BG  I love the "men respond best when you tell them what to do".  That is so true and it used to drive me crazy. Every saturday morning Dh would say what do you need me to do ... I'd say, you know we do this every Saturday, it is always the same, just pick something and do it!  But nope, I finally gave up and just started telling him here is what I need.  

[Debbie and Bentley]

You are getting very good advice. Bentley is 13 wks and 2 days. Things are getting better for us everyday. A few things I would reiterate on 1). Always have something for him to chew instead of your hands. 2). I got one of the exercise pens from Petco online. However, it took 2 whole weeks to get that pen from them, and I really needed it right away. I love having someplace to put him, when I need to clean up & where he can also see me. He has crate time, too, but his space was small at the time. I didn't always want him in the crate. 3). I have a 10 yr.old dog, who is very tolerant, but I don't let him get out of hand with her. Sometimes puppies just get too wound up, and need to settle down. It's funny that Bentley is more wound up after a long walk, so if he is too wild when we come in, he goes in his crate. 4). Always make crate time, & pen time a positive experience. I always put a treat in for him. The only exception to the treat, is if he is in a time out. If I have corrected him 3 X, and he still is being bad, I calmly put him in his crate. I don't say anything to him. I go in the other room, & if he is quiet after 2 minutes, I let him out. Again I say nothing. If he starts with the same behavior, I go thru the same steps, only this time, he may need a longer time out. I learned a lot from the Doggy Dan online dog trainer videos. It was very helpful, but a lot of videos to watch.
He has made a huge turn around in the past week. He isn't biting me like he was, and when I say "no bite", he seems to understand. I hated putting his halter on until about the last four days. He would sit for me, but then roll on his side, and bite, bite, bite, while I struggled to get it buckled. Now, all of a sudden, he sits the whole time and no biting. He also, is having down time like right now. I am typing this, and he is sleeping at my feet. Before he would only take naps in his crate. Progress, but still working on other issues. I know I have a lot of puppy behavior, but when you start to see progress, it makes you have hope.
My husband has helped quite a bit. It was all my idea to get a puppy, so I didn't expect him to do a lot. He does first potty in the morning before he leaves for work, and plays with him, and takes turns with him in the evening times.
Good luck. There are a lot of us going thru the same thing :)

[Deanna M.]

I feel your pain. We got Sulley when he was 9 weeks and for the first two months DH was coming home every night to me saying "I don't think I can do this." If DH and DD has been in agreement he might have ended up rehomed.

Things did start to change slowly between 14 and 20 weeks. House training was done, no more through the night potty breaks, his nipping stopped and he started to have times when he would be calm and actually snuggle.

I think taking him to daycare two afternoons a week after his vaccinations is what worked wonders for us! He got playtime with other dogs, learned socialization skills and burned off alot of energy. When I was home for a month this summer I had to get my brother to introduce me to people who had dogs that Sulley could have playdates with because he seems to be a dog that craves interaction with other dogs on a regular basis.

Now at 11 months there are still issues with him eating socks and counter surfing and he hasn't got the best leash manners but we are working on those. I can tell you that he is the sweetest boy, I am obsessed with him and couldn't imagine life without him! You will get there!

Big hugs to you and Dexter!

[Linda, Charlie Brown and Beau]

Christina ~ you are getting some great advice,  Dexter sounds like the typical 8 week old puppy.  This is really a great time for you to check out the DoggyDan online training site.  You can join for 3 days for $1 and then decide if you want to continue.  I wish all new puppy owners would take advantage of this site because Doggy Dan is a terrific trainer, and also teaches you the five golden rules to becoming the pack leader and it makes a huge difference in training your puppy.   www.doggydanonlinedogtrainer.com

[Heather Martinez]

I had a puppy (Teddy is now almost 4) and now I have a 7 month old baby. In many ways, the baby was easier. Teddy's high energy was overwhelming. He threw temper tantrums and went crazy with the nipping. He would constantly sit and bark at us for attention. He woke up at 4 am every day. He would constantly bite the leash on walks and go crazy when he saw another dog. We couldn't be in the house with him if we were in a different room, he would bark, and so on days off we had to leave the house to get away from him for a break. For at least the first year, although I loved him, I second guessed my decision to get a puppy. Like you, my husband was not involved. He couldn't handle walking Teddy and it caused a lot of fights. 

Now for the good!! We found a great trainer to come to our house. We were able to stop the barking for attention (Teddy literally never barks now) and he grew out of the nipping around 4 months. He was completely house broken at 4 months. We learned to keep him tethered to a piece of furniture with his bed, toys and a frozen kong or a bully stick to chew. He was tethered all the time unless we were playing with him, training or walking him. It let him be near us, not penned and helped him relax while giving us a break. At around 10 months, we started giving him more freedom from the tether. He was allowed to roam the living room while we were in there, provided he was well behaved. At 1 year, he didn't need to be tethered anymore. It took longer to break him of the leash biting, but we did it. By 1 year I rarely second guessed my decision to get a puppy.

And now...Teddy will be 4 in November. He is a cherished part of our family and big brother to our son. He roams the house freely when we are gone. He has never chewed our son's toys, although they are all over the floor. He plays off leash in the park and walks off leash in our neighborhood. He'll drop to a down-stay from across the park if I tell him to and stay like until released, even in the presence of another dog. My husband loves him to death, takes him on long walks and does at least 50% of his care, if not more. Now, Teddy still struggles with excitement when seeing a favorite human or dog, and he's not perfect. But we love our big cartoon character of a dog SO SO much and are so lucky to have him in our family.

It will get better!! My trainer always told us they get better at 18 months. But he will become a "good old boy" at 3 years old.

[Cindy and Olive (Ollie)]

Yup, I remember. I even had some dreams where I was returning him. New routines are HARD!!
Once you get into a rhythm (and with training) it will start getting better.
A big help for me was the rule that when I sit he sits. I never initiate play from seated positions. Now he knows that when I sit, so does he. It is his cue for rest. Never throw a ball from a chair, etc.! Boy, I need a rest, too! :)
You also may need to feel more supported by your family in this. We have a routine where every day when I pick up my boys from school, they alternate and one takes pup for walk home from wherever I decide! I really look forward to that break, lol! Be hopeful. Takes your breaks where you can. Find things you enjoy together. t's worth it!! Best,