For Jackdoodle, On His 13th Birthday

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Dearest Jack,

Today would have been your 13th birthday. We were going to have a special day. You were going to see Dr. Maria, and get lots of treats, and later, we were going to play with your rope ball as much as you wanted. I was going to sing to you, all our favorite Jackdoodle songs. Tonight, you were going to get your favorite birthday dinner, chicken and salmon, sweet potatoes, green beans, and your favorite lima beans.

Instead, I'm going to spend this day without you, missing you so much I can hardly breathe.

I still can't believe you're gone. All of your things are still where they always were, your bed and your bowls, your meds lined up on the kitchen counter, your leashes hanging in the front hall, your toys everywhere, the hedgehogs you were playing with on that last night still on the family room sofa where you left them. I'm not ready yet to put them away for good.

You were the best dog in the world. The very best dog who ever lived. Even after all these years, your sister and I still marvel at the fact that the cutest, sweetest, best behaved, bravest, funniest, gentlest dog in the whole world lived in our house. How lucky we were to have you. How blessed I was to have the privilege of knowing you, caring for you, and loving you for almost 12 years.

I am trying very hard to focus on that now.

I am trying to think about you running across the grass at the park, catching tennis balls, your beautiful blonde hair blowing in the breeze, your face full of joy. Happy. I will remember you that way always.

I hope you are at peace now. I hope you know how very much you are loved, and how many lives you touched. I hope you know how very much you mattered in this world.

Happy 13th Birthday, my sweet boy. I love you with every fiber of my being, and I will love you forever.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Thank you all, again. 

[Curt]

Karen:  I printed out your good-bye letter to your Jackdoodle the day I first saw it.  I didn't think I could stop crying that night.  I'm not sure if it was so much that I just felt your pain and sadness or if it was because I fear so much of losing my own precious girl Molly.  I put your letter away and haven't read it again until I stumbled across it again tonight.  Now I'm a basket case again thinking about your loss and how much you loved your special boy, and what a special boy he was.  I never owned a Poodle or Poodle mix before but have known people who have.  Mostly they told me that at the loss of their dog their pain was so deep they didn't think they could ever own one again.  I too fear that.  We got another Golden Doodle after our older girl (who just turned 10 this month) reached 5 and I think that he will help us through the grieving when the time comes to say goodbye.  I pray you are recovering and maybe you can give some advice to help the rest of us try to cope in our losses.  You have such a way with words and I'm sure you will have some words of wisdom in that day.  God bless you.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Thank you, Curt.