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Some funny classified ads...


 FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
 ___________________________________________

 FREE PUPPIES
 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
 ________________________________________________

 FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
 Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
 _______________________________________________________

 COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
 ________________________________________________________

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
 Must sell washer and dryer $100.
 _____________________________________________________________

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.
 __________________________________________________________

 FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
 Excellent condition, $200 or best offer.
 No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Children Are Quick


 TEACHER: Why are you late?
 STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
 ____________________________________

 TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
 JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
 __________________________________________

 TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 (I Love this child)
 ____________________________________________

 TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
 DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
 TEACHER: What are you talking about?
 DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
 __________________________________

 TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
 WINNIE: Me!
 __________________________________________

 TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
 GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
 _______________________________________

 TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
 MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
 ________________________________
 TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
 ______________________________________

 TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
 SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
 ______________________________

 TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
 CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
 ___________________________________

 TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are  no longer interested?
 HAROLD: A teacher

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Cute!  Thanks for the funny!

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