How to comfort and help dogs when they lose a human parent

[Michelle]

My husband, 44 years old,  just died suddenly in a car crash on November 21, 2011. I haven't been on here too much lately but I was hoping for some advice on what to do or change to help my 2 labradoodles (2yrs old) deal with his death. I am having a very difficult time and my children (11 & 12 yrs old) are being stronger than me, but I worry about the 4 of them very much. The dogs will watch the door, waiting for my husband to come home. I let them smell his clothing and the clothing he passed away in, but I don't if that helps. Any suggestions?? Thank you!!

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

This articles has some interesting info that might be helpful:

http://www.petplace.com/dogs/do-dogs-mourn/page1.aspx

[Gail+Kathleen,(Sydney+Olivia:)]

Oh, Michelle, I just read your post and my heart sank.  I cannot imagine loosing a loved one so suddenly.  Having your daughters and your Doodles is a blessing.  They will keep your husband's memory alive with you.  It has to have been hard to just post on DK and share your pain.  I hope each day gets a little easier for you.  I hope you take time for yourself and take time to grieve.  It's hard to find words at such a difficult time for you.  Even though we don't know DK'ers personally, it's like having a great big family with lots of love out there.  Thank you for sharing.  I wish I could understand what our Doodles feel during sad times.

[Ronna, Murphy & Wilson]

Michelle, I do not have any advice to give you but wanted you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.  I am so sorry for your loss.  I hope that your doodles will bring you comfort just as I know you are bringing comfort to them.  You have a wonderful support group here on DK and we are here for you anytime.  I am sending hugs to you, your children and your doodles.

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

Let me add my condolences to those of the others.  I can't imagine the pain you all must be feeling, especially during this holiday season.  While I know it is important to go through the grieving process, I also know it helps to stay busy.  If the weather cooperates, some nice long walks together as a group of five may give you some time to reminisce and strengthen your bond as a family.

[Jennifer and Jack]

Your pain and shock are so new. I am so, so, incredibly sorry for your families loss. I agree with what Karen said, focus on you and the kids, the dogs will adjust. The thing is that I have learned dogs especially some of them are incredibly in tune with things more then others. They are feeling the stress, the anxiety and grief that you are feeling, they love you, they want to fix you, heal you and take away your hurts. That is what makes them so special.

You are all a family and you will need to grieve as a family. I worked as a trauma nurse in the emergency room for a while and I can tell you that it is so new still for you, I am sure you are smelling his clothes too, it is normal. Some things that you can do for your children as well as yourself is have someone make a quilt of your husbands clothes, favorite tee shirts and things like that.

I hope you all are in grief counseling or that you will consider it. My mom lost her husband in a plane crash very unexpectedly about six years ago.. some of the things that helped her were support groups, talking a lot about it, and remembering the good times...

A routine is very helpful for everyone, including the dogs, maybe walks, but I think that in time the new normal will settle in and the dogs will be okay. My heart is literally so sad for you, for what you experienced and what you have to endure.

DK, as I know from very first hand experience connects us because of our doodles, but we have a deep respect, love and heart for each other as well, You are welcome and encouraged to share on here. Blog about it, go to support groups, do what you need to do....keep reaching out.

Hold on to those memories, the ones of the doodle romp where he went, the amount of precious time you did get to have with him though it was cut way too short.

Hug those kids of yours, he is part of them. I pray for healing of your emotions and your soul.

Thank you for sharing with us, please stay around. The best thing you can do for your children and dogs and take care of yourself.

[Margaret & Pebbles]

I'm so sorry for your loss Michelle.  My husband died in his 40's too.  I had a cocker spaniel at the time, and she was the love of our lives.  My dog for weeks would sit at the door around the time my husband would be coming home from work.  His truck was parked in the driveway.   If I opened the front door, my dog would start crying and her tail would be wagging, she thought Daddy was home.  I ended up taking his truck to my in laws and keeping it there til I sold it.  I'd say a good month went by, and  my dog seemed to accept that my husband wasn't coming home.

 

I was in a fog for the first year after my husbands death.  Everyone grieves differently.  The best advice I got was from my mother in law who told me not to make any big life changing decisions for the first year. 

My deepest sympathy to you and your family.  Margaret

[Katie, John & Parker pup]

Oh boy...I don't have any advice and cannot imagine what your family has been through in the last few months with such a tragedy. I hope someone can give you good advice, but you are in my prayers.

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

I am so sorry for your tragic loss.  Please take care of yourself and the children.  The dogs will adjust.  Hugs to all of you.

[Leslie and Halas]

Oh, I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I'm sure your dogs are grieving, too, but maybe it gives them some comfort to know they are comforting you. I wish I had some advice, but all I can say is that you, your children, and your doodles just need to be together to help each other through this.

[Colleen, Jake & Baxter]

Michelle-I am sorry for your loss of a husband and father to your children.  I have been a foster doodle mom this past year and routine is your friend even if it means having to start a new routine...... and sticking with it will help to get over this initial place you are in.  Take people (that you are comfortable with) up on any offers to walk the dogs and/or provide some exercise & playtime.  Time and lots of love is what will get them through this.  In addition, when someone close to me died expectantly a program called, "Grief Share" was a lifesaver....I highly recommend it.  Thank you for reaching out and please know we would like to hear how you and your family are doing. 

[Joyce & Wilson]

 I too have gone through a similar situation years ago... there is no closure..but there is healing in time.  Know that he is around you and still loving you and your children.  Talking everyday about him, and laughing at the good memories heals and keeps the memories instilled in your kids and yourself.  I think your dogs will be some of the greatest comfort to you.  They are always there to hug and lick tears away.  Please continue to talk and time really does help in the healing process.  Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I am so very sorry to hear of your husband's death. I do think the most important thing is to take care of yourself which will in turn help your children and dogs. Easier said than done I know, but time does help as well as family and friends and outside support/counseling if necessary. Structure and routine will help the kids and dogs as they get used to the new reality. I hope your path gets easier with time.