Major Catastrophe (Wink, Wink) Averted In Pennsylvania!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

My husband has a sprained ankle and was unable to close the gate this morning after he left for work, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  The dogs needed to go out and when I looked out the window and saw I needed to close the gate, I added one of his work coats over my t-shirt and cupcake pajama bottoms, slipped on my trusty rubber boots, and set off to close the gate. I try to be quick, because I would hate to scare the neighbors, but something white caught my eye and I went to investigate.  Imagine my horror, when much to my surprise, I see the white object is a pair of my newly washed underwear. WTD!!! 

Now, I don't know how long they were out there or which dog was the guilty party, although I have my suspicions.

Vern does not do anything gross with clothing and I was stupid enough to leave a basket of washed and folded laundry within his reach, so I guess I had it coming.  He is, however, the only sock thief we have in our household and he does like to carry socks outside and drop them in his travels. I have found many a sock out there, but never anything else. I guess he changed his M.O. some time this week, to throw us off his scent, so to speak.

Anyway, I gathered up my personal belonging and thanked the good Lord that I was the finder and got to thinking about all the what ifs.

For instance, what if my mailman, Alvin, had driven up the driveway, gotten out of his car to deliver us some mail, and knocked on the door and said, "Ma'am, did your car cover blow off sometime during the night, because there is something large and white out here?"

What if I had to look him right in the eye and say, "No sir, it appears to be my underwear."  I doubt if he would ever drive up the driveway again and the only thing I might see or hear from him in the future would be notes left in my mailbox, "Dear Postal Customer, You and your dogs scare me. We have a package at the Post Office for you.  Please pick it up at your convenience. Alvin "  In a small town, word gets around quickly, and it is probably best this way, because nobody wants to be known as the woman who has underwear strewn around in her yard. 

Or what if we had a neighborhood association, and the entire board showed up at my house to talk to me about a complaint issued by my neighbors and they lead off with, "ma'am, your neighbor does not like your Satellite Dish blocking his view,"  and I have to say, "Let me explain. It is not a Satellite Dish, it is my underwear, and my dog brought them out of our house and they have blown into a tree and now it is too high for me to reach."

I know fireman come out to save kittens, but I doubt they would respond quickly to a call coming in to save a pair of granny panties in a tree.

My mind kept wandering....what if, my husband had found them first and decided this would be a real hoot and before you know it, our house became a local tourist attraction, all because Vern has a problem with knowing boundaries. 

We are, after all, near Intercourse, PA, and I would hate for our little town to get a weird name like that, and I have to write out Unmentionables, PA, every time I address a letter. Lord knows we already have Thong, Nuttsville, and Blue Ball, out there in the world.

I am happy to say, I do not wear this size YET, although, if I continue eating Auntie Anne's pretzels, this could be my future.

For now, I will be more careful where I put my laundry, because it could always be worse where Vern is concerned.

and don't forget, we have a cat, too.

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

You are hilarious. Funny thing is you were trying to be clandestine so the neighbors or worse wouldn't see you and ended up cracking us all up with worse...thanks for the laugh as usual.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

You are welcome. Luckily, my neighbors like me....LOL!!

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Hilarious! thanks for the laugh!!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

You are welcome :) We do try...LOL!

[F, Calla & Luca]

Best visual!! How did that pair of pants surround the tree? Snap closure for the crotch? The things you make me wonder about! Glad Alvin and the entire population is saved--whew. And I hate to be critical as you know, but who did Vern's bangs? Was this his punishment for his adventure?

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

LOL F, I saw that too but I guess you can say something to your SIL that others can't.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

LOL....Poor Vern :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

OMD...I did not notice his bangs. He probably rolled in something to get them that way! I wondered about the pants, too.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Thinning shears, my weapon of choice with Calla's face, otherwise she can get looking pretty strange. I think she and Vern have similar coats face-wise.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Honestly, I never even noticed his bangs before :) I don't notice it being funny when I look at him, but he is pretty dirty now. I might even have to break down and give him a bath. Wait till I tell my kids you want me to fix Vern's bangs. They let me even up their bangs ONCE!!! LOL

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, Are you saying Vern looks like this??

[F, Calla & Luca]

No, Vern never scowls : ) Otherwise there is a certain resemblance except Vern is far more handsome.