Not connecting with puppy

[Discussing Labradoodles & Goldendoodles]

Ember is 6 months old now and I just don't feel any connection towards her and it seems lIke she doesn't feel a connection either (she doesn't get excited when we get home, never tries to cuddle or kiss on me, spends most of her time in the other room away from the family) I am really trying to build a relationship with her, I try to play and cuddle and I take her for walks daily, I use an excited voice to greet her when we come home but honestly it's just not there. I feel horrible about this but I'm not sure what else I can do? We had a golden retriever growing up that was my best friend! I absolutely adored that dog and I just felt like it was that perfect dog/person relationship like you see in movies haha but with Ember it is NOTHING like that, its more like I just tolerate her.Is it possible that she's just not the right dog for our family and we will never build a connection or is it normal for it to just take some time??

[Adina P]

My only suggestion is obedience training.  Not to train her to behave in a cuddly way, but sometimes the very act of working together in obedience is bonding.   You have to lead her and she learns to trust that your leadership is a good thing...and the icing is that you bond over this big task of learning commands and improving performance.

[Kaitee and Orwell]

I agree with the things already said in this thread. I know some dogs that don't have the 'energy' (for lack of a better term) to deal with a bunch of noise and happenings. 

My late female yellow lab used to be just like your Ember. My little brother was 10 months old when we got her, and I was 7 years old. I was always a laid-back kid, so I know she wasn't annoyed with me, but she could have been annoyed with my brother. I love my brother, but my mom, dad, and I agree that he was by far the more difficult child. He's a lot like me now, but early on, no.

Anyway, we couldn't even pet her for years until she decided she actually liked it. She never snapped or anything at us, it was just clear that being pet wasn't her favorite thing to do and she would rather be playing by herself with her toys (unless you were outside with a ball. She would be extremely stubborn and persistent until you threw it). As she got older, something clicked and she wouldn't leave me alone. She wasn't as demanding about exercise, but she would always be around me in my room and guarding the door to my room. A few times a day she would also insistently nudge my hand until I started petting her. So, there is hope for a cuddly girl in your future.

Orwell, on the other hand, is the complete opposite of my yellow lab. From the first moment he was the Velcro dog that Jess describes. He does leave me sometimes at home if someone else is doing something interesting, but he always comes back quickly. It's always been clear who he belongs to... and I won't lie, it does make me feel special. I'm just grateful that he does not have separation anxiety. If I were you, I would be happy with what you have, because you could have an anxious dog and you would be pulling your hair out. When I got Orwell, I asked my mom how she raised a puppy and a baby at the same time. I think she was able to because of how Bonny was. Bonny was the dog the family needed at the time. I don't think I could have handled both Orwell and a child. I love Orwell to death, and he is my baby, but I couldn't do it. Luckily for me, I don't want kids, lol. Just fur-babies.    

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

Ember may be a more independent puppy but I also think she's figured out her place in the pack and has learned she can avoid being overwhelmed or bothered by choosing another room. Both my Australian Shepherd and my Bearded Collie would choose to lay in the hallway or at the top of the stairs away from the kids keeping an eye on everyone from a distance. Neither were cuddlers but they were good dogs and completely devoted.  Finn, the ultimate cuddler, loves children but will also try to avoid too much "kid" commotion.  So I agree with what Karen and Karen have said.  

What makes me sad about this post is that you say you "just tolerate her" or that you don't like her.  I appreciate your honesty and frustration but I've found doodles to be very intelligent and intuitive.  They read you.  So is it possible in some small way that Ember feels your disappointment? If I'm mad about something (totally unrelated to Finn), my velco dog will pick himself up and go to another room.  I'm not blaming you at all but maybe you have to release that attitude (easier said than done, I know) and try being more accepting and more inclusive with her -- through training, fun outings, and more one-on one-time.  6 months to a year is also a more independent phase for most pups. Appreciate her for the good dog she is , teach the children to be gentle and respectful of her, and while she may or may not ever be as "expressive" as your golden, I think she'll develop a strong bond with you and the family as the kids grow.   Just my thoughts.

[Linda, Charlie Brown and Beau]

Well said Cheryl, and my sentiments too.  

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

My last dog was a very confident, independent, self-sufficient Miniature Poodle. She was very friendly, but not an affectionate, demonstrative, cuddly dog. She was so independent that she wouldn't even sleep in my bedroom! She'd come up to make sure that I was really in bed for the night, and then go down to the living room to sleep! 

Although I didn't choose her for these qualities, and felt a little sad that she didn't want to be close to me more, it turned out that this was exactly the right dog for me at that time in my life. I was away from home a lot, at all hours (I worked as a personal trainer, which meant daytime and nighttime hours), I spent a lot of time in the gym with my own workouts, and I had a very busy social life. My Poodle spent a lot of time alone in the house, and she seemed fine with that. She was very good at amusing and entertaining herself. A clingy, needy dog who needed to be with someone a lot would have been anxious, lonely, and miserable.

As she got older, she wanted to spend more time with me. In the last few years of her life, (she lived to be 16), she finally wanted to spend the night in my bed with me. I think that's true of many dogs, they get needier as they get older.

So you may have the exact right dog for your situation, and you may also eventually get that cuddly snuggly best friend to boot. :)

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Brittany,  I LOVE and adore all the dogs I have ever had and each for their special qualities, but if I was forced to choose only one as my most favorite overall, it would be my childhood dog.  I was so lucky to have her for 18 years!

[Leslie J]

Cocoa can be like this in some ways. She doesn't jump up to greet me when I walk in the door, she just keeps on sleeping! She is sweet and amazing with kids, though. She's always been a bit "low energy ". I suspect it's from growing up in a busy house where my attention was often focused on my young children. Now that my youngest are 10 and Cocoa is 6, she is becoming more demonstrative with her affection. I think she understood I was distracted with the kids when she was young and learned to adjust. Now I realize she was wonderfully adaptive and it made her the great dog she is.