Parker as a grief counsellor

[Katie, John & Parker pup]

So my mother has been ill with chronic diseases for sometime now, but the last two weeks have gotten substantially worse. Today, on top of everything else that she has, we found out that she has a brain tumor. I am in the middle of planning my wedding for next May and all that keeps going through my head is how my mom might not be at my wedding and how my future children won't meet their grandmother. I was crying on the couch this morning and Parker came over very quietly and rested his head on my lap...something he never usually does, but I guess he senses something is wrong. They are very intuitive I suppose and I am glad I have him to make me smile during a time when smiling doesn't seem possible.

 

UPDATE:  On Saturday, May 26th 2012, my mom lost her battle with her health and hopefully gained some peace from her suffering. It is hard to think that she is gone...it won't feel real and then it will hit me again. She was not happy and in pain for almost two years and I know that is not what she wanted but I still just keep thinking about all of the things she will miss now. She started declining more the week before my wedding on May 4th so she wasn't even able to attend that, though I am grateful that she at least saw me in my dress and saw the wedding photos. It just hurts every time I think about having children now and them not having a grandmother to love and spoil them like I did...and that she will never get to hold and kiss her grandchildren.

R.I.P. to my beautiful, irreplaceable mother.

[Melody & Bruin]

Maybe you can bring Parker another day and then he would get ALL the attention - I'm sure he would love that and your Mom would be so proud!!!

[Bonnie and Kona]

Thank you so much for posting this update. I am so hopeful! It's too bad you cannot go to the pooch parade. When my grandmother had a stroke we took our dogs to visit her and it was the only time she smiled.

[Katie, John & Parker pup]

Oh Boy Update: So I couldn't get over to see my mom yesterday because I worked 8am till 7:30pm and when I went there today she seemed worse than on Tuesday when I did see her. I don't understand how she keeps going up and down so drastically when the doctors say she is medically stable (hence why she was released to rehab!) I only managed to get her to eat a mini ice cream cone tonight when I was there and tried to get her to talk but I end up feeling like I'm yelling to keep her alert. The rehab center is having their pooch parade tomorrow and I cant be there because I have to work but when I was asking the nurse if someone would be able to bring her up there anyway, the nurse told me that if Parker had his shots and was on a leash, I could bring him any time so I definitely think we will bring Parker after work tomorrow for a visit (before all the hurricane weather we are supposed to be having all weekend!). Anyway, other than that, it was her first day of physical therapy and I also asked them to get her some speech therapy so HOPEFULLY something improves. I and the doctors think this is just her now "giving up" instead of trying to get better because there seems to be no medical reason why she shouldn't be.

[Leslie and Halas]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I  hope things turn around for her.

[Bonnie and Kona]

I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you. It's great news that you can take Parker anytime.

[Katie, John & Parker pup]

So I brought Parker to the rehab center today to visit my mom. He was such a cute little therapy dog...she definitely perked up when he was there and i had him hop up on the bed and he cuddled with her for a bit. I wouldn't say he created miracles but she was definitely more alert with him there and seemed to enjoy it so I will have to bring him back after this hurricane blows over!

[Bonnie and Kona]

I am sooo happy to hear that your mom responded positively to Parker's visit! Dogs can give that unconditional love when it is needed the most. Hoping Irene moves east sooner than they expect.

[Katie, John & Parker pup]

So I am about ready to snap...I have been babysitting demon children from 8am till 6pm and then driving half an hour out of my way to go to the rehab and see my mom but I am getting frustrated because there is never a real change! Every time I show up, she is just sleeping in the bed and this drooling zombie has replace my mother...shes not eating properly (I manage to shove some yogurt in her mouth each day which is what? Like 140 calories a day), she doesn't want to do anything, she doesn't want to talk..she just says "i don't know" or "I don't remember" when I ask her something about her day and I feel like I am wasting my time with someone who isn't even my mother anymore...I am beyond exhausted from doing double duty with work and this and I literally haven't done anything NORMAL in months it feels like! I just wanna take a weekend drive down to the beach and enjoy the last days of summer! I have a pool that I have swam in 3 times this summer because I haven't just had time to sit and vegetate and relax! Everyone just keeps telling me to be patient and keep doing what I'm doing but I really don't think I have it in me to keep doing ANYTHING...my whole body has aches from anxiety and tension and every time my phone rings now, I just get a sinking feeling and I feel sick...I am supposed to be starting my student teaching next week and I am just not going to be the best that I would normally be and I am just so over everything!

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

Wow, that is a full plate.  Your Mother obviously raised a great daughter though because you care about her so much.  My first thought as I read your post is that it sounds like your Mom is "just sick and tired of being sick and tired".  This is a rough position to be in and a rough spot to dig yourself out of.  It seems that since she is in a "REHAB" that they should be putting a little more effort in to getting her headed in this direction.  What are they saying about their plans for her?  Is she eating when you aren't there?  Was she upset about going to the rehab center?   It seems from what you write that the Doctor thinks she has the ability to turn this around.  I think I would try talking to some of the people there at the Center to get some advice on what you can do to try and help her?  Is there something that she loves that you can promise to take her to do if she will get well enough to get out for an outing?  Some type of incentive to get better.  She sounds like she could be really depressed.  If the center doesn't seem to be trying to help her, maybe you need to look at a different center that will be more proactive in enticing her to eat and regain her energy.  (Obviously none of this is professional opinion, just pulling from my experiences with family in somewhat similar positions).    Sometimes, you also just need to take some time and recharge your batteries because if you get too run down you will be no help for either of you, so maybe that beach trip should be a top priority.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Dear Katie,

I am so sorry you are going through this incredibly impossible crisis in your life. All I can suggest is that you do take time each week to rest or find release in the best way possible for you. If you fall apart you will be no good to your mother, your husband, your puppy or your education. I know it sounds like I am suggesting the impossible, but please consider doing NORMAL things at least once a week. It may mean that you visit your mother one less time or let go of something you discover is not necessary. You are in my prayers for peace to surround you and the space to breathe.

fondly, bonnie

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

One other thing I just thought of is that you said she seemed to perk up a little when Parker visited.  Obviously I'm sure Parker is her favorite, but if she is just a dog lover in general you could always contact a local Therapy Pet Chapter (like Delta or TDI) and put in a special request for some visits to your Mom while you are working.  They could possibly even entice your Mom to do some of her Physical Therapy by brushing or taking the dog for a walk in her wheelchair or something of that nature.  There are lots of things they can do.

[Katie, John & Parker pup]

Thanks for the advice. I am tapped out on things to say and do to entice her...nothing works...she's even said she doesn't want to go to my wedding, doesn't want to see my sister graduate college and doesn't want to meet her grandchildren...nothing is snapping her out of it. She is obviously depressed but was on antidepressants and they seemed to make her worse and no one really wants to prescribe more meds because she already takes a million and the meds can be bad for her liver and heart and whatnot which already have problems so they don't want to do more damage. She is doing physical, occupational and speech therapy but outside of those activities, she just wants to sit in her bed in silence and sleep the day away. She does like Parker and I have brought him twice now but he is a project to bring in the car alone and with working later and the fiance working later, it is difficult to get him over there and by myself he throws up in the car from getting car sick! I will check out those therapy dog places you suggested, maybe that will encourage her a bit. I have even tried telling her that Tucker (our golden retriever in Bermuda) misses her and is acting out because he is anxious and she will say "aww" but that still doesn't motivate her...and hey if my wedding and future children aren't motivation, I guess the dog isn't either.