Raising a child vs raising a puppy

[BG and Gavin]

I just want to say that I think that parenting a child is the most challenging job in the world!  I in no way wish to make light of that fact.  However, during tonight’s walk I was thinking about all of the recent posts looking for advice on dealing with puppy behaviour.  So…just for fun I began listing all of the things that I could think of in common between raising a happy healthy child and raising a happy healthy dog.  So here is the recipe as I see it:

-         Patience

-         Consistency

-         A good routine

-         Discipline and structure

-         A healthy diet

-         Plenty of time for play, learning, exercise and fresh air

-         Sense of humour

-         Short memory

-         Affection

-         Love

Does anyone have anything to add to the list?

 

[Melissa & Porter]

I beg to differ ;-) Kidding!
Sorta. I have a spreadsheet and twenty units of good behavior equals a toy. Sounds horribly greed-motivated right? But it has helped with the begging and the consumerism. They used to see something they wanted on TV or at a friend's house and beg and plead endlessly, until I punished or caved, depending on my mood (yum, consistency, it's hard to come by). Now, even my four year old gets that the wanting goes away if you just wait. (Though it is often transferred to the next item...but begging doesn't work, go earn your bars on the sheet!)
I have subdivided the units, too, so switching the laundry for me equals a quarter of a bar. We learn fractions too! Bwah ha ha ha ha.
We started it in June and they have earned one toy each so far. And they are only about 4 bars into their next toy. I had wanted to do something like this for a long time...finally it is in motion. Finally.

[Adina P]

I think that's GREAT! It's black/white, they know exactly what to do to earn it...and they are earning it and practicing delayed gratification so they value those toys more. I love those kinds of things!

Kids aren't going to do things because they are inherently good...but they will do them to earn things they want and that's okay. The practice of DOING those good things will in grain good behavior in them anyway and will help mold their character. When they are more mature, they'll have deeper reasons for doing good, but little kids won't typically...kids are kids.

[F, Calla & Luca]

And yet, even if for example the act is charity because it makes us feel good about ourselves, we all do things for positive reinforcement. So in that sense we are all kids. Behavior modification is a powerful tool and takes the interpersonal struggling out of the equation. Good for you, Melissa.

[Adina P]

I think charity can be done selflessly too...even if there is a warm fuzzy at the end.  It is definitely normal to feel good after doing good...nothing wrong with that and it doesn't rule out a sincere motivation to help another.  Yes there are plenty of examples where we do good primarily personal gain but that's not always the case (rare as the selfless acts may be).  And even if the good was done selfishly...at least it was done.  

[F, Calla & Luca]

Absolutely. Yet all behavior has multiple causations and motivations. It really helps if pleasure is one of the anticipated results.

[Melissa & Porter]

Behavior modification is a powerful tool and takes the interpersonal struggling out of the equation.

Precisely. I didn't like being angry so much, and having them being so frustrated and mad, too.
I am definitely growing with them...

[Melissa & Porter]

Yeah, I am lovin' it. Though there are sticky places to navigate like where one thing is part-bar-worthy for the 4 yr old, but is expected for the 7 and 8 yr olds, for example, coming downstairs in the morning all dressed down to the socks. They mostly get it, but there are still attempt at "do I get a bar if I help him buckle in?" No, you are a decent sister if you do that!

I agree with what you wrote about kids' motivation. They want your praise and pride, but also privileges and rewards--not necessarily stuff--but maybe the best seat in the car or the pick of the Saturday night movie...etc.

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

Melissa --- Although I have no children I applaud your method. I love seeing children earn things and also understand what it takes to get something. I hate seeing children pitch a fit in a store and ultimately get want they want just to shut up!

I have a very good friend that once came to Florida on vacation. She had 2 step daughters that were about 8 & 10 at the time. She gave them each a Visa Card at the beginning of the trip and told them that there was so many dollars on the card and that had to get them through the vacation. It was to include any special things they wanted to do and any souvenirs that they wanted to by. When we saw them towards the end of the trip they had a list they had made during the trip of things that they wanted, and were figuring out what of their list that they wanted to most to buy. The last day would be spent making those choices. One had spent money swimming with the dolphins, while the other chose a different adventure. I thought that it was amazing. The cutest part was my friend had held back about $50 on each amount she told them as a surprise for the end when they had trouble deciding which thing to buy. It was an excellent lesson for them I thought.

[Adina P]

That's pretty cool too :)

[Melissa & Porter]

Awww, that is such a nice story! For such young kids too. Many college students can't budget that well. I was prepared to hear that they had to eat Ramen noodles for days after blowing the money...lol.

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

no, I think they had one of those Disney packages where most food was included so they didn't have to worry about that, just any special outings (like the Dolphins) or all of the "I want one of those" type things!

[Adina P]

Set them up for success and allow them to be good.
But they must also be allowed to fail and to learn from the consequences of their actions so they can make better decisions next time. We must protect them from harm, but we can't protect them from every nick and scratch.
They must be taught right from wrong because the details aren't always obvious to either a dog or a child.
Discipline in a calm state of mind...don't react in anger. Helps if you have a plan in place rather than fly by the seat of your pants because that usually is more reactive than useful.
Teach them what to do in given situations.
Give them plenty of opportunities for physical activity.
Teach them that If they can't say something nice...they shouldn't say anything at all =)
Sometimes redirecting their attention is the best solution.
Teach them to greet others politely.
Activities that make them use their brains are good activities.
Freedom is earned, not freely given.