Vern and His Bathroom Habits!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I take my dogs on walks every morning.  Fudge knows to get her business over quickly and never disappoints me.  Sure, she has a tendency to wait until we are well away from a trashcan, but no matter, I don’t mind carrying a poop bag if it means the deed is done. 

Vern, on the other hand, takes forever to do his business and it gets to the point that I am following behind him chanting, “Vern, go poopy…Vern, go poopy….Vern, please go poopy….Vern, go poopy now….VERN, GO POOPY!”  I sound like one of those stuck 45’s from back in the day. 

The problem is I know he has to go and I don’t need to go into details, but he just won’t go until the stars align and the mood is perfect.

 

Believe me, it has nothing to do with modesty, because Vern has no problem licking himself when the mood strikes or squatting in the middle of training class, full of total strangers, if he gets the urge.  No, it has something to do with finding the perfect spot and that takes him forever.  He just gets so easily distracted and I find myself guarding him like a bear mama when I think he is going to go and actually shushing anyone that might disturb the moment. “I am sorry you had a bad day at work, but Vern is getting ready to go potty and I need you to be quiet until he is finished.”  Once, my husband said that he hoped he never had a heart attack during one of Vern’s bowel movements because he knew he would get in trouble if any movement on his part caused Vern to freeze up.  He said he could just hear me saying, “we were this close and then you had to start thrashing around.”

 

Today, the perfect spot was down the side of a hill, in a field of tall grass, full of who knows what critter and creatures. At least twice, he squatted and assumed the position and then stood up and looked at me like, “Never mind….false alarm…wrong spot.” 

Hold on while I roll for a minute:

Could you remind me again why I am out here?

Apparently, the right spot was when my ankles were bending in ways I never knew they could on the side of this hill, and my arm holding the leash was stretched until I could feel the ball and socket in my shoulder starting to part ways.  He finished and then I had to make my way down there and stick my hand into the tallest grass imaginable and hope that poop bag connected with something that was not breathing or had teeth.

Here I am getting down to the spot to collect Vern's poop!

Maybe I just need to tie him up somewhere, hand him a newspaper, and tell him I will be back in an hour. 

It might be nice for Fudge to hear something besides, “Vern, just go already,” on our walks.  Or just maybe, there is another solution. Has anybody tried out one of these?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Vern rarely pees first thing in the morning. He waits until later.

[Lynda Kamrath]

Well, with dogs and some people, it is just the size of the bladder.  Harpo frequently does not go in the morning.  He has other things to check out, but doesn't pee until the mood hits him.  My son was the same way.  He would get up in the morning and start his daily routine, but not use the bathroom.  I would have to remind him that he should go to the bathroom as soon as he gets up.  He would say, "But why, I don't have to go."  Then he would go off to school and not use the bathroom all day at school.  I figured this out when I went to a Open House and asked him where the bathrooms were.  He said he didn't know.  I asked where the boy's bathroom was, because the girl's bathroom was probably right behind it.  He said again that he didn't know.  He wouldn't use the bathroom at school!  And he never had.  So, some dogs have the same habits, but I think it tends to change with age.  It sure did with me.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lynda, How funny about your son :) I guess kids and dogs are all different. I cannot imagine at my age getting up and waiting all day...OMD.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Even all night is a challenge : )

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

LOL

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

LOVED this.  Ned likes privacy and a special spot.  We can go to a dog park and many times Ned does not go while everyone else's dogs go, often more than once!  BTW we have chickens who pop out jellybeans here.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I like my privacy, too. I am with Ned on this matter....LOL!! I will have to keep my eyes open for a pooping chicken :)

[Bryce P]

Just about every time Huff poos he poops oh a grassy hill t the dog park across the street. UGh  He always takes forever to find a spot and is very distracted. Huff would never use that pootrap. I don't want to get weird looks either, but wold be easier.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Well, Huff does look like Vern and now it sounds like he acts like him, too :) Welcome back, Bryce!

[Amy, Cubbie & Ollie]

who in the heck came up with the Pootrap?  I want to know if there dog will actually wear one of those things?!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Amy, It was probably somebody who went to IU....LOL!!! Another nephew just caved and is going there :( My husband told him he won't have to work that hard in classes :)

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

Such a funny discussion - including all the comments. All this potty talk makes me feel like I'm back in elementary school!