WANTED: BODYGUARD TO PUT MY BROTHER IN HIS PLACE!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Hi Everybody, Fudge here and I have a big problem. The big problem's name is Vern and he weighs 91 pounds. I am getting sick and tired of him pouncing on me every chance he gets.  When mom tells us to get in the van or dad's car, Vern always jumps in first and guards the doorway. 

My mom says, "Fudge, hurry up and get in the van," but, I know when I do Vern is going to tackle me. So, someone always has to come around to the door and make Vern move to let me in, but then they close the door and sure enough, Vern starts trying to wrestle with me. He is really getting on my nerves and I think he is a big turkey.

Lately, when we get let out into the yard to do our business, Vern pushes right out in front of me and then, you guessed it, he turns around and tries to swing me around by my collar.  Sure, he gets in trouble, but he never seems to care. Something has to be done soon.

When my human sister was home the other weekend, she tried to give me some hugs and cuddles and Vern tried to horn in on the action. I got mad and tried to scare him, but he thought I wanted to show our sister how we wrestle.

Well, today is the day I am going to do something about Vern and I hope someone can help me. Just ask yourself if you would like to see this running full speed at you.

Also, I know everyone thinks Vern is so cute, but he is double my size.

So, here is what I am looking for in the way of a bodyguard.

Bodyguard must be willing to live on the premises, escort me to the car, stop Vern from plowing into to me when my humans are trying to give me some hugs and kisses, and most of all stop this behavior:

Thank you for your help! Love, Fudge

[F, Calla & Luca]

So Fudge, when Mom is prevented from watching DWTS she helps you write blogs. You did a great job. I think your DM has to get more serious with the consequences. Water bottle, whip? I do not recommend the evil dogs because you never know whom they decide to go after. You might end up with 2 big bullies. As for the rear end sniffing, Luca says he does this all the time. Calla says ignore him. You could try that, poop on Vern's nose or put perfume on your nether parts. Let us know the outcome.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I like the perfume idea. My mom said to tell you she is a multi-tasker and can watch TV and write discussions blogs at the same time.

[cheryl & oliver]

Fudge, Oliver here, I did that to my brother all the time.  And I was the younger one.  When I grew bigger then my older brother, I did the same things that he does to you, but ya know one day he got tired of my antics, and he growled at me!!!!...I was so shocked, I just stood there, and then ran away...Maybe if you can't find a bodyguard, a little swat, or even a little growl will "shake" him up a little bit.  Of course you know that he loves you, he just doesn't know how to show it sometimes, lol...But brothers are a pain, we all know that, but we love them anyway...Maybe I can come and be your bodyguard for a little bit, and then I can give him some of his own tuff stuff.....

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Oliver, I would love for you to come and put Vern in his place. Sometimes, when I have had enough, I do tell Vern, but it never stops him from coming back for more. Maybe my mom will put him on a diet, so he is not so big.  Thank you for your help, Love, Fudge

[Amy, Cubbie & Ollie]

Fudge, Cubbie here.  I would love to help you but I will shamefully admit that my brother Ollie pushes me around a lot too.  I am embarrassed to admit it because we are both boys and you can at least use the excuse that Vern is a bossy boy and you are a girl, but what is my excuse?!?!  Maybe you could tell him that he should let you in first because it is polite to allow ladies first.  Tell him that he needs to learn some manners with you because he will never get a girl of his own if he is so bossy and pushy with you.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Vern said to tell you he doesn't want a dumb ol' girl right now!  He said if he has to learn manners and stay clean, he is not interested. LOL

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Hi Fudge, Penelope the Kitty here, when you find a bodyguard can you lend him to me for a bit? Sophie Bear is always chasing me around and trying to play with me. DM keeps telling Sophie Bear to leave me alone, that I'm not a doodle, but SB just doesn't get it. I'd love to get in some good cuddles with mom without SB swooping in and ruining everything.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Penelope, You sound like you have it as bad as I do. I will tell you that our cat hates Vern and me, but I don't know why she hates me, too. Vern is the problem. I hope we both get bodyguards. Love, Fudge

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

Hi Fudge, Sedona here.  I'm sorry for what you're having to endure.  I, unfortunately, have no advice for you.  I'm an "only" so I don't have to contend with any of these shenanigans.  I hope you can find some relief!!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Sedona. If only I was an only :)

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Hey, Fudge, JD here. I would love to come be your bodyguard, but my mom can't manage without me, even for a little while.

But here's a little secret: Vern is a big scaredy-cat. I know that because your mom tells my mom and all the other DK moms that Vern is scared of just about everything, even big balls and lawn chairs. So even though he's bigger than you, you can intimidate him. Just start snarling and growling at him whenever he infringes on your space. That car thing? Jump right in on top of him! I promise, he will get out of the way in a hurry!

Another good thing to do is to wait until he is sleeping and ambush him. Seriously, just jump right on him without warning when he least expects it. We used to have a cat here who wasn't even one-tenth my size, and let's just say I learned really quick to leave that cat alone.

I feel kind of bad telling you to scare Vern like this, because he's a good guy and I know he really doesn't mean you any harm. I'm pretty sure he loves you a lot. But that doesn't mean he can just pounce on you all the time. You're a girl and you're a lot smaller than he is. Besides, my mom is one of those people who thinks Vern is so cute, so just between you and me, I wouldn't mind seeing big old cute Vern taken down a notch myself. ;)

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

JD, Thanks for all the good advice. This morning, I got up first and Vern was still sleepy when we went outside and I let him have it!  He didn't know what hit him and he ran back in before I did, so I could run around the yard in peace. I might try that ambush thing tonight, but my mom doesn't like it when anybody wakes up Vern, so I might get in big trouble. Your mom does love Vern, but she doesn't know him like I do. Thanks for understanding. Love, Fudge