WANTED: BODYGUARD TO PUT MY BROTHER IN HIS PLACE!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Hi Everybody, Fudge here and I have a big problem. The big problem's name is Vern and he weighs 91 pounds. I am getting sick and tired of him pouncing on me every chance he gets.  When mom tells us to get in the van or dad's car, Vern always jumps in first and guards the doorway. 

My mom says, "Fudge, hurry up and get in the van," but, I know when I do Vern is going to tackle me. So, someone always has to come around to the door and make Vern move to let me in, but then they close the door and sure enough, Vern starts trying to wrestle with me. He is really getting on my nerves and I think he is a big turkey.

Lately, when we get let out into the yard to do our business, Vern pushes right out in front of me and then, you guessed it, he turns around and tries to swing me around by my collar.  Sure, he gets in trouble, but he never seems to care. Something has to be done soon.

When my human sister was home the other weekend, she tried to give me some hugs and cuddles and Vern tried to horn in on the action. I got mad and tried to scare him, but he thought I wanted to show our sister how we wrestle.

Well, today is the day I am going to do something about Vern and I hope someone can help me. Just ask yourself if you would like to see this running full speed at you.

Also, I know everyone thinks Vern is so cute, but he is double my size.

So, here is what I am looking for in the way of a bodyguard.

Bodyguard must be willing to live on the premises, escort me to the car, stop Vern from plowing into to me when my humans are trying to give me some hugs and kisses, and most of all stop this behavior:

Thank you for your help! Love, Fudge

[Bonnie and Kona]

Dear Fudge,

I am most embarrassed to say that I am much, much bigger than my little brother. I am much older, too. Owen does all the things you have described that Vern does to you. I have never growled at him, snapped at him or put him in his place, and it shows. It is just not my nature to rile things up. When you get this figured out, let me know. I'm greatly abused. My family lets me get on the couch to get away from him because he tortures me daily. He's not allowed on the furniture except DD's bed. It is a hard knock life for us, Fudge.

Deepest empathy,

Kona

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Kona, I felt badly when I read your post. Owen and Vern sound like two peas in the pod and if I start interviewing bodyguards, I will let you know if I find one for you, too. We just need to stick together. Love, Fudge

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Hi Fudge, TaraBear here. Sorry to hear about your giant brother being such a pain! I came up with a great idea-I am little and wear a pink poodle skirt. I will come to your house and Vern will be so afraid charmed by me that he will totally forget about giving you a bad time. I am fast and I can run right under him. He will never catch me! There is only one problem. I will miss my mommy too much and she said to forget it because I am an Oregon doodle whatever that is.

Sorry I don't have a plan "B" yet but I'm working on it...

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

TaraBear, Your idea was dumb good, except for the part where you said you couldn't really help me. LOL Maybe if we form an alliance, we can beat Vern, just like our moms beat Miss Donna and Miss F :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

Dear  Fudge, your mom is delusional so don't count on this strategy.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

LOL...you never miss a comment :)

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Yeah, our moms are the best and smartest geniuses ever and I'm trying to teach mine how to spell it!!! I like the alliance idea. What shall we call it FudgeBear? Trudge? Fudgara? I kind of like Fudgara. he he!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

LOL....we like Fudgara, too. Looks like we are already being challenged :)

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Let's get it straight from the outset. Are we pronouncing this Fudg-AW-ra? I mean, just in case we ever want to make up a limerick or a rhyme....

[Carol and Banjo]

LMAO!    You guys are killing me!!!

[F, Calla & Luca]

Good thinking ahead!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I will pronounce it whatever way  Ricki tells me to pronounce it....LOL!! I am not too worried, though, because we hardly ever rhyme or do Limericks :)