WANTED: BODYGUARD TO PUT MY BROTHER IN HIS PLACE!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Hi Everybody, Fudge here and I have a big problem. The big problem's name is Vern and he weighs 91 pounds. I am getting sick and tired of him pouncing on me every chance he gets.  When mom tells us to get in the van or dad's car, Vern always jumps in first and guards the doorway. 

My mom says, "Fudge, hurry up and get in the van," but, I know when I do Vern is going to tackle me. So, someone always has to come around to the door and make Vern move to let me in, but then they close the door and sure enough, Vern starts trying to wrestle with me. He is really getting on my nerves and I think he is a big turkey.

Lately, when we get let out into the yard to do our business, Vern pushes right out in front of me and then, you guessed it, he turns around and tries to swing me around by my collar.  Sure, he gets in trouble, but he never seems to care. Something has to be done soon.

When my human sister was home the other weekend, she tried to give me some hugs and cuddles and Vern tried to horn in on the action. I got mad and tried to scare him, but he thought I wanted to show our sister how we wrestle.

Well, today is the day I am going to do something about Vern and I hope someone can help me. Just ask yourself if you would like to see this running full speed at you.

Also, I know everyone thinks Vern is so cute, but he is double my size.

So, here is what I am looking for in the way of a bodyguard.

Bodyguard must be willing to live on the premises, escort me to the car, stop Vern from plowing into to me when my humans are trying to give me some hugs and kisses, and most of all stop this behavior:

Thank you for your help! Love, Fudge

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Quincy, Just so you know...I AM NOT bringing my dopey brother. Love, Fudge

[J and Riley (and Luna)]

I think what you really want for a bodyguard is this:

but Luna DOES try to prevent bullying quite frequently... not sure her 38 pounds would be enough though!

[Bonnie and Kona]

I think I want this bodyguard. Gotta love a mastif!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

The heck with Fudge. I want him for myself. OMD....huge and adorable.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Hey Fudgiepop!

I just remembered a trick that works to get kisses from my DM! I grab a toy and act really interested in it so Owen will take it and run. Then I stand close to DM and she hugs and kisses me. It works like a charm! Give it a shot. 

Your friend, Kona

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Kona, I know this trick and use it all the time. Vern is not very smart....LOL!! Love, Fudge

[Amy, Cubbie & Ollie]

Fudge, Cubbie again.  I spent more time thinking about this and it finally came to me.  Have your mom put an IU shirt on Vern and maybe he will be too embarassed to go out in public and you can then have easy access to the van.  :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Cubbie, LOL.....my mom said she would never stoop so low as to buy an IU shirt, even for a good cause. I think it is a great idea, but mom keeps saying, "never." Love, Fudge

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

Fudge, would this guy work for you?  He's only a puppy -- 9 months old -- and his name in "Honey Boy."  Disregard the girl in the pic -- he doesn't belong to her.  His Daddy is a friend of ours and he has 3 others.  Honey Boy should reach 200 pounds when he's full-grown, just like his big brothers.  I'm sure Vern wouldn't touch you with this guy around.  

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Doris, I want him!! A 200 pound dog....I can't imagine the food and the poop :) Four dogs this size must cost a fortune. Send Honey Boy here asap!!

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

You know those collars that quirt a scent? Well I was thinking of inventing one just for you that you cold strap around your hind end.  Any butt sniffing would get an immediate spray...  I think you will just have to be very clever when you want those cuddles and wait till that brother of yours is asleep and then go for it... Best of luck Riley.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thank you, Riley. Let me know when your invention comes out...I will be first in line :) Love, Fudge