Scared of the city

[Michelle L]

Our goldendoodle, Butters, is currently 14 weeks old. We have been taking her out for walks since she was around 11 weeks. We would also take her out when we have lunch/dinner and she would just sit by our feet. She was super mellow and would love to greet people/kids/dogs. A couple of weeks ago, a bunch of kids with skateboards went by our dinner table and she was so scared, she peed on herself. Ever since that incident, she has been really skittish when we go out. She is walking really low with her tail between her legs. She is not even interested in treats or her blue kong (which she is crazzzzy about when she is at home). She seems to be ok when we are in the suburbs but when we are in the city/downtown, she can't seem to relax. The only thing I know is to keep taking her out and socializing her and hope she won't be traumatized for life. Did any of your goldendoodles go through a 'scared of everything' stage?

[Jay, Lola and Colonel Esau]

Aw, I'm sorry she peed on herself.  Good news is, I think this is fairly normal.  I know Lola went through this.  First thing is, understand that this is the stage in your dog's development where she her confidence and fears levels get set for life.  Not to suggest you can't fix things later on - but it is harder.  Puppies are so impressionable during this age, the impact of every event is much more.

That said, the most important thing is, whatever you do, DO NOT TRY TO COMFORT OR CONSOLE YOU DOG when he is scared, the way you might with a person.  I type this in all caps because it is so important and so many people say they get it but instinctively mess it up when the time comes.  The reason is because unlike people, dogs - especially young puppies, do not have a notion of linear time.  They have cannot make the complex associations that a person can.  Basically your communication with them boils down to "good" and "bad".  If you cuddle the puppy or use a nice tone of voice, the puppy will think that is because she did something right.  So if the puppy displays fear and pees on herself when a skateboard goes by, and you pick her up or pet her and say things in what we think of as a loving voice, she will interpret that as praise.  She will think that she did a good thing by peeing herself and showing fear at a skateboard.  She will internalize that and do it every time.

Instead, what you want to do when something traumatic happens (assuming there is no actual danger) is basically just ignore it and carry on with your business.  The dog will come to see you as her "parent" or "role model".  She will understand that since you don't get excited about the skateboard, there's no need for her to get excited either.

That said, there will be certain fears that are so ingrained or instinctual that it might take a little more than this.  With Lola, she was scared of anything that rolled by - like a skateboard, rollerblader, bicycle, stroller, etc.  I can't prove it I have a feeling it is because of the low grumbling sound they make.  So to help her get over this, I had to "stage" positive experiences with these things for her, in a controlled manner, in order to create new and positive associations.  Sometimes It's just as simple as giving praise or even food when the thing goes by and she doesn't get scared.  BE CAREFUL OF YOUR TIMING, THOUGH, because you have to reward the not getting scared part.  Even if it's just for a second before she starts barking that is good enough.  But once she goes into fear mode you will have missed your chance.  If you reward at that point, it will be the same problem I describe above with trying to nurture her.

Lols isn't really motivated by food, so I had to be a little more creative.  In her case what I did was go around to places where there were a lot of bicycles, skateboards, etc.  I would ask the people if I could borrow it, then I would ride around for a few minutes holding Lola's leash.  First I did skateboards, then bikes.  It took several times with each and in different environments for her to make the generalization that there was nothing to be scared of.  She is a very fast learner, so maybe even more times would be required with a different dog.  By the time we finishes with bikes, she already got the point with respect to rollerskates and strollers.  This make me happy because I wasn't sure about putting on a stranger's skates or asking to "borrow" their baby!

[Michelle L]

Thanks Jay! Very helpful. I have been doing EXACTLY what you are telling me NOT to do. I hope she is not scarred for life. I'll remember your advice next time!

[Jay, Lola and Colonel Esau]

That's good to hear, because now we almost certainly know what the problem is (or at least part of the problem - as I mentioned, I don't know if that will be enough by itself or not - but it is def. a good place to start).  I'm sure you did not scar for for life.  The good part about dog's not thinking in linear time is that they don't tend to hold on to negativity the way people do.  Often it's almost like they want to get go of it and just need a little help in the right direction.  Plus, just as they are impressionable to negative experiences during that initial fear period (you can look up the exact ages - I think it's from about 8 weeks to 3 or 4 months) - they are also extra receptive to positive experiences.  I can tell you love her and that is the most important part.  You'll be amazed at how many mistakes you can get away with if the dog truly loves and respects you - or how everything is difficult or impossible if the dog does not.  

Good luck and keep us posted.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Plus, the more she is exposed to, the more she will learn to take it in stride.  It is important not to force and bombard her into overload.