Grief Advice Needed

[Cindy and Olive (Ollie)]

I'm so missing my boy. We will soon be taking a visit right near where we first picked him up 18 months ago, and already it brings me back... Our time with him was so short. I'm trying to focus on things ahead, but when does it get easier? We are still in that phase of craving to pet other people's dogs, but at the same time it is so hard, too! Any advice, rainbow bridge people? TIA

[Susan]

I feel your pain. When Bridget was put down at almost 14, it was sad, but a known event...planned for. When Chloe die, at a very young age 9 (just turned 9, and still acted , looked like a puppy) I had never been so lost, so sad, so untethered. I hated the emptiness. Everyone is different, but more me, there was no question, I needed a new dog, asap. Everyone who knows me, said that. Noone could imagine me, without a dog to dote on..toplan my days on. So, in just 5 days, I got a new 6month old labradoodle. Bella has saved my heart and my mind. Other friends of mine, who waited after a devastating (dog) loss, tell me they wished they hadn't. They suffered for months, years, without getting a new dog. And then they got one. They say now, after the fact, they wish they had gotten one right away. Then there are neighbors of mine, whose beloved Golden Retriever died, after cancer..and they tried to get a new puppy. They had to return it, They just couldn't get another puppy..at that time. So, everyone is different. But, for me, what healed me (oh I still grieve for Chloe...) was Bella. I am soooo sorry for your loss. We on this board definitely understand..or sadly, will one day..

[Cindy and Olive (Ollie)]

Thanks for your response, Susan. I'm wondering how was it even possible to get a new doodle in 5 days? I'm impressed with your acquisition skills, lol.
As for another pup, I'm currently looking into DRC as well as considering our breeder's kind offer of another. I'm just so scared this could happen again, it was so shocking the first time with lymphoma at age 16 months that I don't want my kids/us to go through it again. I suppose I have to get past that somehow, first...
Pet Bella for us! Best,

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

We lost our first dog as a married couple when she was almost 16.  She was a little toy poodle and we said never again.  Some of that had to do with the end of life issues we dealt with like the last few years of bladder issues as well as our lifestyle at the time.  We traveled a lot and it does create some issues depending on where you travel.  After a few years I was really missing having a dog.  After 5 years we moved to Ohio and I was no longer going to work and it was finally the right time for us.  That is when we found the GoldenDoodle.  We got liter mate sisters Lucy and AnnaBelle.  (yes we did everything wrong).  Our precious Sophie was diagnosed with Lymphoma when she was 4.  We lost her one week after her 5th birthday.  It was extremely hard, however our home just didn't feel right and I knew that we would at some point add another.  The question was, would it be another GoldenDoodle.  The cancer rate is so high, did I want to risk that again.  I used this time to do some research.  I researched GD's and cancer, as well as all other breeds of dog to see what ones seemed the healthiest and what illnesses I might face with other breeds.  Bottom line, I just kept coming right back to the GoldenDoodle.  There is just something about them that makes me happy.   They fit our personalities and our lifestyle.  I opted against rescue as our Sophie was my therapy dog and I wasn't sure I could get what I needed going the rescue route.  I thought I needed a puppy to expose to all the right things to have her ready.  In hind site that plan hasn't worked too well for me, but that's another story).  Anyway.  I made some initial inquiries to the breeder we were interested in and found that her next liter for what we wanted would be a year away.  She had just had a liter and they were all spoken for and she wasn't going to breed that pairing again for a year.  I didn't think we wanted to wait a year, but we just weren't sure.  About 6 weeks after we lost Sophie we took Lucy and went to FL for 2 weeks to just try and ad some joy back into our lives.  Lucy seemed lost without Sophie (Sophie was the leader).  Our family seemed lopsided.  When we walked which we do a lot of in FL there wasn't a dog for each of us.  It seemed wrong.  While we were there we got an e-mail from the breeder that she thought she had someone from the liter we wanted that was going to back out and if that happened we were first on the list.  We were excited an scared to death at the same time.  Were we ready.  We decided to just let it be fate.  If it was meant to be, it would happen.  If it wasn't, then it wouldn't.  We didn't tell anyone about the call or that we were even looking.  After we returned from FL we got a call from the DRC about a 10 month old puppy in WA that needed to come to our area for double knee surgery.  Was there anyway we could take her and rehab her after the surgery.  We had been through that surgery with our Lucy less than a year before.  This seemed like the perfect thing for us, however, no one knew we were considering the puppy.  This I think was on a Friday and we were supposed to find out about the puppy on Sunday.  Could we handle both?  Well, something told us we needed to help the puppy from WA.  We weren't able to help our Sophie, even with Chemo, but we would be able to help the puppy.  We thought it would be heeling for our family to be able to help her.  But what if we then got the puppy?  We just dove in head first and said we would help Honey and if we got the puppy that was a bonus.  As it turned out we did have both in our home for two months.  You talk about heeling ... we didn't have time to be sad.  Helping Honey (although she ended up going to Texas for the surgery) changed our life in ways we will always be grateful for.  Her new family is a huge part of our lives now.  AnnaBelle, our new puppy is nothing but a joy. While it was not our intent to replace Sophie, (or get a puppy so soon) I sometimes swear that Sophie visits us through AnnaBelle sometimes.  There are just some things that AnnaBelle does that are Sophie through and through.  The thing is, that I can now see those and smile.  My Mom said to me the other day "why do you have that picture of Sophie as your screensaver".  I said "Why not".  She said "because it is sad".  I said, "no it isn't sad, it makes me smile when I see it and I think of her".  The bottom line is that the loss will always be a part of you.  You find in the beginning that you pretty much cry all the time.  Then it gets less and less.  Then, once your heart heels just a little,  you will find that you will one day smile when you think of a memory instead of cry.  As for another puppy, as others have said, everyone is different.  I feel that they bring so much joy into our lives that it far outweighs the pain (although it doesn't seem like it when it first happens).  Try to focus on the good memories and the funny stories that you have.  Maybe sit as a family and each of you tell your favorite funny story.  The ones that just made you crack up when they happened.  Then ask yourselves if you want that back in  your lives.  Your little guy wouldn't want you to be sad.  Then when you least expect it that right little puppy is going to find it's way into your lives and into your hearts.  You will love it in just the same way.  Our hearts have plenty of room.

[Cindy and Olive (Ollie)]

Thank you so much for relaying your story and great advice - very kind of you. I read it while we were traveling, was thinking on it, and just settling down to absorb it now. You're so right, we do have room in our hearts. I actually am now looking forward to all of it again (though we had JuST gotten past the "teen" phase with Rip!) I can't imagine having another so good, though - we can't get that lucky again! I understand how you kept coming back to the doodle, regardless, as there is something special there. I keep thinking that maybe Ripley was so good in order to prepare us for caring for another who isn't... ;) thanks again for your kind response!

[Lorilei Pinley]

I am so sorry for your loss, I just lost my sweet Sailor boy just two months ago to Lupus! He was just 3 1/2 years old, just went lame one day and 6 weeks later and endless vet and specialty animal hospital visits as well as blood transfusions I had to let him go. I haven't been the same since. I need to find another AL soon.I won't be okay until I do.How did you find a pup so fast?

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

We lost our Springer Spaniel to bloat in July.  We are not over it at all - still cry when we think or talk about him, etc.  What helps us most is that we have other dogs to snuggle with when we are especially sad. We have lost dogs in the past and I know it will get better. We decided a while back that when one of our dogs passed away we wouldn't be replacing him as we want to keep only two dogs since we are getting older - this is really hard because I think getting a new dog helps the grieving process.

[Cindy and Olive (Ollie)]

Thanks, Nancy. Those snuggles are so amazing, right? I miss them! Hi to Ned and Clancy :)

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Cindy, it could happen again with a young doodle, but chances are less likely that it will than that your pup will have a long life.  When the time is right for you, the right pup or dog will be there for you. 

[Cindy and Olive (Ollie)]

From your lips...
:)

[PAtti]

I am so sorry and I know the heartache you are feeling because we lost our girl yesterday.