Controlling, "Owning", and Confidence

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I had a pretty interesting conversation with our trainer yesterday.  I wanted to share it and get your thoughts.  This week we've been taking G & M to the park to practice off leash recalls.  I'm trying to get Murph's recall to be faster because of flyball.  He's very consistent, but he's just not running back to me at full speed.  The grass at the park was full of goose poop popsicles, which provided a great distraction.  We're also using Guinness to teach Murph about "waiting for his turn".  I put him in a sit/stay and we throw the ball for Guinness who retrieves and returns it.  Murph has to sit calmly and not react....until it's his turn.  He shakes and cries, but he does it.  Where we're doing this is in the soccer field which adjoins the parking lot where people are getting in and out of their cars to walk their dogs along the path.  Every time I saw a car pull up with a dog, I ran and leashed Murph.  Obviously I was anticipating a "reaction" to the other dog.  After doing it several times, my trainer asked me why I thought it was necessary to get him on leash (and then hold onto him like he would "bolt").  I said, "well I have to have control over him because of the other dogs".  There's the "control" word.  He asked what do you think would happen if you just calmly put him in a down/stay as these dogs were exiting the cars.  I just laughed and said that I was pretty sure he'll go after the dog.  He completely disagreed with that.  So we tried it as the next car pulled up.  He put him in a down/stay and we just watched.  Well he never even moved....the other dog got out of the car barking and Murph just watched.  We talked a lot about this (in the freezing cold).  He explained to me that because of my lack of confidence in Murphy, I was ALWAYS trying to control him.  He said he sees it in how I interact with him, and especially how I walk him.  He really feels that this is holding him back.  He said if I can be confident enough to feel like I'm "owning" the situation, and believe that Murph WILL do what I tell him to I will be able to finally have the kind of "two way" relationship that is key to our moving forward. Our training will not be successful until I reach the point where I'm not always ready to physically restrain Murph versus trusting that he will make the right choice.  What do you think?

[Adina P]

Obviously I only posted the 'good' videos ;-)  I really don't feel particularly confident.  Of course I'm not afraid Boca is about to go and attack another dog, either.  So I don't have that type of nervousness in me.  But at various moments in training I might be unsure, frustrated, angry, confused, or totally stumped.  So I have a long way to go.  Part of what helps is I know (on a technical or cognitive level) what I'm supposed to be DOING at most any given time. I know what to do if my dog does X, Y, or Z.  Even if I don't do it well, I know that I'm supposed to respond with A, B, C, or D. So the trust in the method I'm following helps a lot.  There are various tests along the way that 'test' my dogs readiness to do something more advanced, and everything is very step-by-careful-step so the dog is prepared. 

Rosco was my first.  I dabbled in training Thule.  I spent two weeks in attention work with a friend's dog...and by the time I got to Boca, I had some experience under my belt that increased my confidence.  Of course it was all doing the same exact method so my skills grew in that time and that increased my confidence.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thanks, Adina.  We're at the point where Ben says that my "technique" is fine...nothing left to teach me in terms of "what to do" physically.  I'm also fine as long as he's there.  We've had weeks now with me being able to avoid (or manage when I can't avoid) his dog reactiveness.  Now I just have to figure out how to get rid of the knots in my stomach when I'm walking him in the highly distracted areas.  Taking him to Flyball is helping.  The first day as I watched all the other dogs get out of their cars, I sat in the back seat with Murphy.  I was terrified of walking in...had to make myself do it.  I thought about turning around and going home.  We worked through it together.  He didn't "attack" any dogs (although he clearly considered it a few times).  Someday we'll get there...my dream.

[Amy, Cubbie & Ollie]

I like the point that your trainer was making, but I am convinced that my dogs always act better for the trainer than they do for me.  They may have stayed in a down-stay with other dogs walking past because the trainer told them to, but I just can’t see either of my guys doing it because I told them to.  It probably is that confidence thing though.  Confidence just seems to leak from my trainer’s pores, but I spend a lot of time questioning my ability to communicate clearly with my dogs and “own the situation” as your trainer put it.  Cubbie was the only dog to pass his CGC test in our class of 7, so I know I can do it, I just need to keep reminding myself of that. 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I think Amy makes a good point here, and it's really the same point you're making, Jane, when you say "...an internal belief that I am a good enough trainer..."

It's not that we don't trust the dog so much as that we don't trust ourselves. It's a self-confidence problem!

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Yes, and Ben has realized that too.  Yesterday he forced me to give up my slip lead...my last "safe harbor".  I had to walk Murph back to the car holding on to just his flat collar...right by the cars with the other dogs.  I was shaking like a leaf...but I did it.  When I finally got him to the car...that's when I could breathe.

[Adina P]

Boca was awesome when I met with my trainer to work out some of our training issues.  I couldn't believe it.  I think it's not necessarily about confidence of the trainer vs my confidence because my trainer did not work Boca--I worked Boca with my trainer watching.  I'm not sure what it is...maybe I was trying harder because my trainer was watching and Boca felt that? Maybe she felt like it was a test and she wanted to do well.  Who knows.  I learned she is perfectly capable of doing some things.  So then I worked her in areas I hadn't felt she was ready for when I got home and she did come through. 

[BG and Gavin]

OK, you lost me at Murphy holding a down/stay while Guiness chased the ball.  That is an awesome accomplishment right there!  I know our dogs are different, but we share this pulling and excitement thing around other dogs.  It would be no surprise to me that there is a difference between on-leash and off-leash.  Case in point, DH had Gav off-leash at the park and a guy on a bike with an off-leash boxer arrived.  DH said Gavin approached in a very respectable not overly rambucious manner, both dogs sniffed each other then commenced to playing in a perfectly civilized way.  After five minutes or so, DH leashed up Gavin and the biker and the boxer went on their way.  No drama.  So what is it about holding that leash? 

I don't want to get too philisophical here but I will.  I worked for many years in a residential facility for troubled youth.  We had kids with very poor impulse control.  We also were the only place around that housed teens and did not practice physical restraints for out of control behaviour.  I was asked over and over how we could get away with this given the explosiveness and physicality of many of our kids.  I mean these were kids that came from other institutions and were restrained regularly.  I simply told them at Intake that we do not do restraints so if they did not feel that they had enough control over themselves to deal with their anger/frustration without becoming physical, they could not be there.  Taking away the external control ramped up their internal control (I have to stop myself, because I know you are not going to stop me).   I can count on one hand the number of physical assaults that occured over 25 years.  Internal locus of control.  Dogs are not people, but....

(Good post Jane)

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I think I get what you're saying, BG.  Tell me if this is it....if I'm always controlling (physically restraining) Murph when we're around other dogs, he never has the chance to learn to just make the right decision.....which means he never has the feeling of "getting it right". 

[BG and Gavin]

Yeh, I think we are on the same page.  I also know about anticipating "failure" as many a time at training the trainer says to me - why are you pulling Mallow back?  He approached that dog in a nice way - reward him and let him play.  I automatically assume that if he goes toward another dog, I have to pull him back. 

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I always assume that too.  I never let Murph approach any other dog on leash unless Ben is there and he knows the other dog to be reliable.