How Do You Say "No" to an On-leash Greeting?

[Amy, Cubbie & Ollie]

I did a search and didn’t see what I was looking for but if I missed it please just let me know.

 

I know that many of you here do not allow your dog to greet another dog while on-leash.  I can go either way with Cubbie and I really just used to go on a case by case basis with him and it would depend on where we were and who the other dog was.  Things are a bit different with Ollie though.  After we had the incident at the vet where another dog charged up to him and he reacted by grabbing the other dog’s muzzle I don’t even let him get near another dog while on leash.  I didn’t see the whole incident at the vet because my DH had Ollie while I had Cubbie so I don’t have a lot of details on what actually transpired but I do not want a repeat of that situation. 

 

I have Ollie enrolled in a Advanced Obedience/CGC course and he is pretty much terrified to be there.  He sits next to me before class starts and his whole body just shakes.  He won’t even take treats from me and he is typically very food motivated.  Once class starts and we are going through the exercises he seems to calm down and responds to me and eventually takes his food rewards.  But knowing that he’s probably still anxious, I make sure to keep a distance between him and the other dogs.  We have a large class so in order to work on the separation part of the CGC requirements, we partner up and switch dogs and one pair leaves the room.  Ollie has a fear of strange men so depending on my partner this exercise can be very difficult for him (he still won’t go near my brother and it has been a year and we have worked with a trainer).    Last night I was partnered up with a man in the class and when he returned with Ollie all he said was “nervous, nervous, nervous” like it was my fault.  As we were leaving class, I held back so that the other dogs could leave first and Ollie wouldn’t have a chance to react to a dog coming up quickly behind him.  Well, my partner from that class also stayed back to find out if Ollie was always like that.  I explained that we had adopted him last summer and aren’t sure of what he experienced in the past, but that we have had many issues to work through but that he has come a long way.  He then went on to ask how Ollie is around other dogs.  I told him that he enjoys going to daycare and doesn’t seem to be afraid of them in the class setting.  The man then suggested that Ollie and his dog get to know each other and started to walk over.  I stepped slightly in front of Ollie, who was trying desperately to get out of the building, and told the guy that I don’t allow him to greet other dogs when on-leash.  The guy didn’t understand what I was talking about and I told him that he is not allowed to go up to another dog if I he has his leash on.  I got the “oh-kaaaay” response that basically meant the guy thought I was a nut, so of course I said “sorry”.

 

Ollie and I quickly left class and as I drove home I was angry with myself for feeling like I had to apologize for saying no to an on leash greeting.  I wish I didn’t have to worry about Ollie going up to another dog, but I do.  I’m pretty sure I will have to go through this again and am wondering what other people say to politely yet firmly turn down a request to let your dog greet another dog.  If we are out on a walk people usually get the idea when I step aside and put the doods into a sit/stay and tell them to leave it.  I just don’t know how to handle a direct request for an on leash greeting.  I have put so much time and effort into training my dogs and I always feel like people think I have untrained dangerous dogs when I go to such lengths to keep them a safe distance from other leashed dogs.  I just know that Ollie gets easily stressed and overwhelmed and don’t want to give him the opportunity to react negatively out of fear.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

One thing that you gain with age is that you care less and less about what other people think, lol. I don't care if "people" think I have a dangerous dog, because what strangers think about him (or me) doesn't impact his life or mine, and he is fine with every person and dog he knows, and most that he doesn't know. As to anyone thinking he is "untrained", they can see that he has much better leash manners than their own dogs, so that's a non-issue.

Most of the time, the greeting on leash doesn't come up, because JD and I are moving and I don't stop to talk to anyone; if someone greets us verbally, I nod my head and smile and keep moving. For direct requests, I just say "He isn't good with strange dogs" (or sometimes "He's not good with strange men") and let them think what they want. I am frankly glad that the pizza delivery guy and any other strange man who shows up at my door thinks that I have a dangerous, untrained dog, lol.

 

[Amy, Cubbie & Ollie]

Your comment reminded me of something my grandma used to say to me. She would say "I have lived long enough that I can say whatever it is I want.  If people don't like it, then they don't have to listen, but I'm not going to hold my tongue."  I guess I haven't gotten to that age yet though. 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

No, you are too young to get away with saying whatever you like. But you can be polite and still not care what they think of you or your dog, lol.

[F, Calla & Luca]

It is a nice freedom and one of the few  perks of getting older. I love older, much better than old or, heaven forbid, elderly : )

[BG and Gavin]

I think just what you said is perfect "I don't allow him to greet other dogs when on leash."  If they say "why?" you can say "it's my training practice/philosophy/preference (or whatever)."  I know what you mean by apologizing.  I could kick myself sometimes for saying "sorry" to appease other people when I really don't have any reason to apologize.  It's a girl thing I think.

[Amy, Cubbie & Ollie]

I tend to find that sorry slips out a lot and often find myself apologizing for things that I shouldn't.  Guess that goes back to what Karen said.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Well, you don't lose a lot by saying you're sorry even if you aren't. And in a way it means you wish your dog wasn't frightened or whatever.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I agree with Karen and BG.  If I'm with Guinness I do let him greet other people and dogs (unless it's an actual training walk).  If it's Murphy I always just say "we're in training", and I keep right on walking  It's usually a moot point because most people can see from Murphy's body language that interacting with their dog would not be such a good idea.  I do have a neighbor who constantly asks if we can get G & M together with her two dogs to "play".  I've declined many times explaining that I wasn't comfortable putting Murph in that position.  She has never given up.  I have no idea why she thinks it's so important, but that's her issue...I'll just keep saying "no thanks".

[J and Riley (and Luna)]

I think that's a good response - people are generally understanding if you explain to them why you're doing something.  It seems to me like that person from the training class was a "I'm right, I know everything about dogs and the way I do it is perfect" type of person.  Unfortunately they're quite common...

Most of the time I allow Luna to greet dogs on-leash, but that's because she's incredibly submissive (she rolls on her back for yorkies...).  My neighbor has a dog who is the opposite - very dominant and can become leash aggressive.  She pulls her dog off to the side and greets the strange dog herself and gauges her own dog's mood.  If her dog starts growling or gets tense, she just says to the people "My dog is sometimes not very nice greeting new dogs" and leaves it at that and we walk away without a meeting.  Meanwhile, I'm trying to get Luna off the ground from baring her "goods" to the world...

[Amy, Cubbie & Ollie]

I felt like the guy was judging me for having a nervous dog and that he didn't understand how Ollie could be so afraid of everything and it was like he felt that introducing him to his dog would suddenly make Ollie all better. 

[F, Calla & Luca]

Well then the guy is a not very understanding jerk.

[Adina P]

I wouldn't worry about what other people think.  The fact THAT guy looked at you like you had two heads just means he's kind of clueless about the issues some dogs can have with leashed greetings.  The point of training around leashed dogs while your dog is leashed is to train them to be chill on leash around any dog.  It doesn't mean they have to go kiss each other, hug, shake hands, hug, play, or become friends.  I think with continued training, Ollie can learn to be okay with another dog getting close while he's on leash, but that doesn't mean he should be let off the hook to freely greet another dog. 

You can also tell the other person that you're training Ollie to think of leash time as 'work' time so casual behavior is not allowed.  But whatever you decide, don't worry about the other person. If they KNOW dogs, they will understand.  If they don't, then it's better that you don't allow Ollie to greet their dog anyway =)