Not listening to me!

[Jeanine Bandini]

Wally is listening to my husband but not me! When Jeff (husband) is around Wally (dog) is an angel but when its just me and the kids, the dog is a mess! The biggest thing is getting the kids toys. (thought we had passed this ) My husband and I disagree about how to teach the dog and he is more physical than I. (he pushes him away from the thing he doesn't want the dog to get) How can I get my dogs respect without being physical. I need your opinions! Wally is much better than he used to be but this seems to be a regression!

[Adina P]

My answer is always obedience training. 

How old is he and how/what type of obedience training has he had?

Via OB training you are able to communicate with your dog by words...limited of course, but you can tell your dog plainly, in English, what you want him to do or not do and with lots of practice (PRACTICE = Training) and work he will begin to be reliable and trust and respect you enough to obey when you tell him what to do.

But without a concerted training plan you're just speaking Russian (or Chinese or Japanese or Thai or German) to a dog that doesn't speak, period. 

[Adina P]

I looked on your profile and it looks like last Spring he was about 3 months old...so he's not a little puppy anymore.  Time for a Beginner's obedience class, then Intermediate, then Advanced until he's 'done' =)

Otherwise trying to reason or talk or yell at a dog who won't obey is like trying to get a 10 month old child to obey and not touch or pick up everything and put it into his mouth.  It just doesn't work. 

[Jeanine Bandini]

Wally is 15 months old. We have taken a class (not with husband) before. My question: Is a class necessary or can I do this at home? My youngest is starting kindergarten next month and I will have more time to take a class then but want to work on it at home until then. Adina, how old are your children? How do you manage to get your dogs exercise with the kids? (you have beautiful dogs and kids!) Also, do you still use treats when training?

Ricki- the leash is a great tip! Thanks

[Adina P]

A trainer is necessary I'd say unless you have a very good book or program to follow and you're good with just written instructions.  Your dog isn't trained in class, you are.  Class (or a private trainer if that fits your needs better) is important because that's where you learn how to train your dog and get some visual examples as well as get to practice, briefly, what you've learned in front of a skilled trainer who can help you improve.  You certainly can and should do the majority of practice at home.  And anywhere else you want your dog to listen.  So if you only need obedience at home and never plan to have your dog out with you in public or other places, then you only need to train at home. But if you plan to go on walks, or go downtown, or travel with your dog then you'll need to also practice in environments outside of your home.  Dogs don't generalize well without help.  So even if Wally learns how to 'stay' or 'come' or 'sit' in your living room and yard, it doesn't mean he'll do it when you're on a walk or playing in the park.  He needs to have practice and training work in many places and around many temptations and distractions before he learns to obey out in the real world.

My children are 2.5 yrs and nearly 11 months.  My dogs exercise themselves mainly by playing out in the yard.  My oldest dog is 6 and mellow and my youngest is a spitfire but gets exercise playing with the oldest dog.  I only walk them occasionally--one at a time if I'm taking kids and together if I don't have kids with me.  My 6 year old got the majority of his training before kids and my youngest got most of her training when my first child was about a year.  Hubby works from home mostly so while she napped I'd run out with Boca for training.  Or I'd leave her at her sitter's an extra 30-60 minutes and take Boca out for training.  Or I'd do it after daughter went to bed.  But I trained really hard for a few months.  She's not done because I was too pregnant eventually, but she is well behaved on leash and in the house.

No treats here for training.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Jeanine, bottom line- take a training class. Dogs don't need training, people need training in order to help the dog. There is no magic cure. We have all gone to training in this discussion. Even when we get a second dog, we go back.
Did you know, a person who trains a dig Bonds with the dog. Go bond with your dog. I did take a few training classes when I had toddlers. You will be gone ONE hour. It's like a night out with the girls, only this night is for you and your dog,

[Bev and Tess]

I would also get your husband to go to each and every class with you. I made the mistake of doing them without my husband since I work days and he works swing. I should have signed up for Saturday classes, just didn't think I'd have to then struggle with teaching my husband.....he gets them mixed up or just plain guesses. With going, there is a lot of repeating and things to practice at home. Since yours already has a different approach then you do, taking them together you hopefully will be on the same page. Good luck!

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

This was the age when I really had to step up the obedience training with Tara. She got pretty sassy for a while and I would refer to it as a regression too. By then she KNEW what she was supposed to do but decided she just didn't want to do it! UGH! It can be frustrating but now is the time to reenforce that you are the boss.  There are proper correction methods to use with dogs in such situations,not sure pushing is one of them! :)  I kept Tara on a leash in the house for a while during that time so I could quickly get control of her and give her a correction (jerk on the leash) and then put her in a down stay for a short time just to reenforce my control. It's important that you are able to get control of the situation quickly and having a leash on her really helped with that.  But the more you can work obedience with him the more he will learn to respect you and your wishes.

On another note, I imagine it is difficult for Wally to differentiate between his toys and a child's toy so this may be a challenge for him in that regard too.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

You said in your post your husband is more physical. Could you explain that more. Does he use corrections or are you referring to your statement that he just pushes the dogs out of the way?
Have you been to training? Together? I'm wondering how confused your dog might be if you are both not consistant.
My trainer thought voice fluctuations were so important when communicating to the dogs. I don't sound very good when I use voice fluctuations, but my husband will get out a deep radio voice if it is serious enough ( Leave it- Skunk!) I have a different voice but still
My dog now knows when I'm serious even though I do not have that radio boom.

My questions:
Toys? Does Wally chew and destroy toys?
Again- any training?? That's a must.
Physical?

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Here's my opinion.  Dogs are self oriented....they want what they want.  So if there's a toy on the floor you can bet that Wally wants it.  He needs some incentive not to just take it and play or chew it.  There are lots of different ways to provide that incentive.  Your husband is making it known to the dog that he is not going to tolerate him taking the toy by pushing him away from it....he has communicated effectively and Wally understands that when your husband is around he should not go after the toy because he doesn't like the outcome.  You can decide for yourself if this is the best way to handle the situation.  You can also put him on a leash and every time he goes near the toy you correct (verbally, physically or both), and when he passes by the toy without touching it you can praise and reward.  With enough repetition that would work too.  I agree that at this age Wally needs some sort of obedience training.  If you want to do it at home maybe you can have a trainer come to your house a couple of times to teach you and your husband, and then you could do the daily exercises yourself.  Your dog can absolutely respect you without being physical....actually I don't think being physical has anything at all to do with respect.  Controlling a dog's body but not his mind only provides a temporary "fix" and does nothing to address the behavior itself.  I firmly believe that obedience and getting the behavior you want from your dog comes from influencing his mind. 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

"Your dog can absolutely respect you without being physical....actually I don't think being physical has anything at all to do with respect."

I so agree with this. There is a big difference between respect and fear.