A Day in the Life of a Stinky Doodle Starring Vern!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Our Vern is part skunk.  Sometimes, when his tail goes up, we all run.  My husband said the other day we should have named him Pigpen and from the way he smelled that might have been an insult to Pigpen.

He was groomed last Friday and looked gorgeous when I picked him up and smelled even better.  The first thing he did when he walked in the house was run to his bed and started rolling and digging in an attempt to wash the fresh smell off. 

He rolled on our walk Friday night and on Saturday after swimming in the lake he found a particularly messy spot on shore, plopped himself down, and rolled with such abandonment that while we looked on in horror, we couldn’t help but laugh, too.  When he stood up half of the shore was clinging to his face, life jacket, and miscellaneous exposed body parts.  I thought about sending the groomer a picture with the message, “you missed a few spots,” or even better, “if you don’t re-groom him today, I will tell everyone where he goes for grooming,” but I figured that could come off on a text message looking like extortion.

 

Fudge swims right along side of Vern or as she would tell you, under Vern as he uses his body weight to convince her to move out of his way, but Fudge rarely stinks.  I don’t think I have ever seen Fudge roll and I try to thank her everyday for remaining upright on our walks.  I can’t imagine if I had two dogs demonstrating the stop, drop, and roll technique repeatedly on our daily walks.  Fudge is very tolerant of Vern, but I have noticed lately even she has started avoiding him. 

I told you for the last time, this is as close as I am getting to Vern!

Yesterday, as we were preparing to go to the boat, I left the van side door and back door open while we were loading up the van.  This gave Vern the opportunity to run through the van repeatedly, in one door and out the other, hoping to surprise Fudge in some sort of surprise attack, but what he didn’t bank on was Fudge’s keen sense of smell.  She stayed one step ahead of him and at one point stood on the side of the van with all the doors closed and Vern stayed barking in the van at her, unable to figure out how she got away from him.  Sometimes, it is like watching her take candy from a baby.

Nobody get's in this car unless I say so!

I am sure many of you are saying,  “What’s the big deal? Bathe him already,” like we hadn’t already thought of that solution.  Well, Vern has had three baths in the past ten days and the fresh smell only lasts until he gets back outside and I might add, it is not easy giving a 90 plus pound dog a bath on bended knee.  Also, when your bathtub has no sprayer nozzle, you have to pick your battles carefully regarding a bath for a smelly dog. I have found I am a lot more tolerant of the smell and can talk myself into thinking it is not too bad, when the alternative involves making a huge, unhappy dog get into the bathtub.  If I had to guess I would say it takes about 1000 rinses to get all of the soap off of Vern when all you have at your disposal is a small, plastic, yellow cup that says University of Delaware on it, acquired from a high school graduation party.  Since he usually has most of his head buried in my armpit as I rinse away, I, too, get to feel the warm water mixed with Vern morsels with every rinse.  So, I am sure the grooming group can understand why sometimes when someone says, “Vern really stinks,” I pretend not to hear them or say something back like, “are you sure it isn’t you?” just to buy some extra time. 

A few months ago, my knight in shining armor brought home a new spray nozzle and left it in a bag near the tub for his wife to assemble.  Alas, it did not work unless the fair maiden somehow had magical powers and was able to wrestle the nozzle onto the tub faucet, hold it in place with a death grip, and simultaneously hold the sprayer in her mouth as she aimed it towards a large, slippery dog.  I am not holding out hope for the situation to be remedied soon because all the knight said when I relayed to him the information that his nozzle was defective and his sprayer didn’t work was, “I keep telling you it is operator error.”

The way I see it, I have some options, 1) Let Vern smell and greet visitors at the door with a scented pine cone and advise them to insert it into their nose for the duration of their stay 2) Buy a soap on a rope and have Vern wear it around his neck

3) Pull my husband’s nozzle until he replaces the one that does not work

4) Go to the store and buy it myself  - never going to happen and in my defense, my DH says he wants to pick it out 5) Train Vern to roll in Lavender fields only 6) Wrap Vern in bubble wrap prior to all walks 7) See if the Odor Blocker soap my husband uses works on large dogs 8) Run Vern through the car wash every day with the car windows down 9) Burn more scented candles 10) When someone comments on Vern’s smell, nod in my husband’s direction and ask him if he forgot to take a Gas-X pill (in other words, blame it on the man)

or 11) Tell people you just found him wandering the streets.  Notice, none of my options said, “stop Vern from rolling!” or “quit being lazy and bathe him everyday.” Sometimes, the right smelly dog really does find the perfect lazy owner.

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Barbara, Let the games begin....LOL!! Gracie sounds like Vern's dream girl :)

[Barbara Mettler]

Wow! Gracie never rolled until this week when she found the dehydrated carcass of some unidentifiable furry animal with claws.  I was too far away to do more than yell while tripping down a steep sagebrush hill to get to her.  Now I watch the ground constantly for furry carcasses and try to divert her attention.  She also has started digging at holes of unknown animal dens.  I'm afraid we'll get a live surprise one day!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Cheryl, Thanks for the laugh. I am not sure I like your bubble wrap idea being tested on me first...LOL!

Donna, Quincy has a robe....YAY!! You came over to the dark side. Love it! I have tried to fix my DH's nozzle, but it still isn't working correctly....LOL!! I think I like Quincy's robe better than Vern's.

F, I just knew that was German :)

Sherri, Thank you!!

[F, Calla & Luca]

Quincy, blue becomes you.

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Oh Vern, you big beautiful stinky doodle. We love you just the way you are!

[F, Calla & Luca]

@Laurie, teasing you in German is always fun : )

[Donna K & Quincy]

Quincy may not smell and he doesn't roll but perfect may be just a wee bit of a stretch. I bought this for Quincy a few days ago, mostly to help with the drying process, maybe you could have Vern wear one like it at all times. :>) I also think pulling DH's nozzle might work if you do it right. :>))))))

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

I was liking the car wash idea but if you put him through the wax and polish cycle -which I think you just MIGHT do -- well, that would be seriously bad :) So I'm thinking the bubble wrap is your next best option. Making Vern a bubble wrap suit should be a piece of cake for a woman who can stuff a 90 lb doodle into a child's bathing suit  --tail and all  LOL  And here's a bonus. Vern will no longer need his life vest on the boat!! hmmm...not sure about that, you better test it out first :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, If you are going to insult me, I would prefer you do it in English :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

BG, Vern does the shaking, too. They really are twins.

Donna, Good ideas, especially the nagging part. I am really good at that one :) Quincy is really perfect, isn't he...no smell and adorable, too. You hit the jackpot with him.

Tessa, LOL...I think it is good to have one non roller it you have two dogs....evens things out :) BTW, I love Nashville, IN and Brown County.