A Wedding, A Long Trip, and Fudge and Vern's First Overnight Stay!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Another niece got married this weekend.  Another long drive in a car with people who do not talk on long drives.  Another reminder that time is going by too quickly. 

My niece, Chelsea, in the middle of the swing, is the bride! Hayley is on the left!

Chelsea and Hayley on Chelsea's wedding day!

The older I get the harder it gets to travel.  I hate leaving my dogs.  I hate the packing that goes into planning for a trip.  This was the first time ever we left Fudge and Vern overnight at someone’s house and by the time we got on the road, I was already tired from all the worrying and middle of the night wake-ups I had stressing over how they would do.  I worried that the dog sitter would never watch them again after coming face to face with Vern’s nose once too often after the lights went out.  I worried that Fudge, who has no off switch, would be pushed beyond her limits and not get the sleep that she so desperately needs.  If you could think of the worst case scenario for either dog I would probably be able to top it with a far worst case scenario that I had already imagined might happen when I was gone.  On top of all that, Fudge knows the minute the suitcases come out, that something is up and goes into an ultra vigilant mode and either shadows my every move or sits looking at me from the doorway with a betrayed look in her eyes directed right at me.  I have said it before and I will say it again, sometimes those under smart dogs like Vern, who looked at the suitcases and probably thought, “Wow, those funny shaped boxes have handles on them,” can be so much easier and far less judgmental.

 

Anyways, after an exhausting week of packing and making sure I had everything I needed in case of any emergency, world take over, or an encounter with a large shoe cat burglar, we set out on Thursday morning for our 700 plus drive.  Luckily, the dog sitter picked up the dogs first thing in the morning and both seemed ecstatic to be leaving.  In fact, I worried that Vern would not want to return home after spending a few days in heaven playing with his best friend, Ajax, their Doberman.  I also figured it would take him about three days before he looked around her house and thought, “I wonder why everything looks so different?”  I had no doubt my Fudge would always want to come home, but I was happy to see her so happy to see the dog sitter.  Another bonus for the Doodles, they both like to see her cats and chickens and it takes a bit for the fascination of both to wear off.  The early pickup and our later than usual take off also solved the problems I had dreamed up in my head, that kept me awake several nights, about what lights to leave on, would she pull the door tight enough, and what if the dogs bolted from the door in a mad attempt to escape and I never saw them again.  Is it any wonder with all that goes through my head before a trip that my mind is worn out once we get on the road?  John gets so tired of all the “what ifs?” that I think he said once, “Since when do you think so much? I like you the other way better.”

Well, we started out on Thursday morning around 6:30 am and exactly two minutes later (I know this for a fact) Hayley said, “Mom, you are so annoying.  I am putting my headphones on,” and that set the tone for the rest of the long drive.  For all I know, I said good morning or something equally off putting, but I did think about sending these stats into the Guinness Book of World Record’s people to see if I qualified for some world record for the fastest amount of time ever taken to annoy your daughter without saying or doing much.  I do know that 2 minutes is my personal best and I told that story to several relatives until said annoyee said I was being annoying again. I also can tell you I could have traveled with two Crash Test Dummies and had the same level of conversation I had with my two fellow passengers.  John likes to keep his conversation to grunts and groans and only uses real words when screaming at other drivers.  If Hayley isn’t sleeping, she is either texting or listening to an audio book, which means I am on my own for entertainment.  This means I sing, read a bit, complain a lot, and when I drive, look for places to stop to shop. I also like to eat Corn Nuts because I find it gives me a way to make noise and drive them nuts, but yet appear innocent of all charges they might try to use against me later….oh for God’s sake, I was just eating Corn Nuts and trying not to bother anyone.

I call it my covert Operation Corn Nuts designed to make them go slightly insane, wondering if they are overreacting because of the close quarters or if they yelled, “STOP CHOMPING THOSE NUTS!” it would nullify their “Don’t say anything resembling conversation” pact that must have gone out on some memo that I was not privy to before the trip.  I will say I spent part of the trip trying to break them and decided even a “SHUT UP” or “STOP SINGING BEFORE I JUMP OUT THE WINDOW!” was preferable to silence.

 

Twelve hours later we arrived at our Nashville hotel and a couple hours after that we left for the airport to pick Megan up.  It took her only a few moments to get back into the rhythm of our family and within minutes she was handing out zingers to both parents as we squabbled over whose driving made the other one sicker.  Chaos ensued as we had dueling GPS systems on to lead us back to the hotel and at one point, I mentioned my phone didn’t have a GPS because it was a dumb phone and Megan piped in, “well, it suits you.” Once again, I found myself asking why I hadn’t just raised dogs!  It was a whirlwind weekend.  We spent most of Friday helping set up the reception hall and since the bride recognized the quality of help she was employing, we were quickly assigned the task of removing the stickiest adhesive labels ever attached to about 40 vases.  By the time we were done, John and I were both high from inhaling Goo Be Gone, which was the only thing that worked after trying Dawn dishwashing soap and fingernail polish remover.  We made a mental note to ourselves to never show up early to a wedding again.

 

The wedding was beautiful.  The bride was stunning. It was a full Catholic mass and John, as godfather to the bride, was asked to take the gifts up.  Since it has been awhile since John has been to church, he asked the bride if he could wear a rubber helmet in case lightning struck, but the bride felt for the sake of the pictures, he would just have to take his chances.  She got married at the Church of the Incarnation and I spent most of the weekend telling everyone John and I had also gotten married at the Church of the Incarceration, until Megan told me the only two people laughing at my stupid joke were John and me and repeating it was not going to help.  We had some of the nieces and nephews on edge when I announced that Uncle John would be twerking at the reception and he previewed some of his moves in the hotel lobby.  One niece said she was starting to feel queasy and I told her to pack a throw-up bag for later, because what she was witnessing was only the tip of the twerkberg.  Luckily, he was able to show off all his moves when the band sang, I Like Big Butts, and no one was injured or got sick when he busted out his explosive dance moves.

Megan looking scared! No twerking allowed, Dad!!

We got lucky in the family department. I may be biased, but I think we got the best nieces and nephews in the world and each time one of them gets married, we are happy with the add ons. 

Just a few of the Cousins!!

My nephew’s girlfriend got cancer this year.  She was diagnosed just about a week before she was supposed to go back to college and had to temporarily drop out of college to undergo Chemotherapy treatments.  She has been on many a beach vacation, calls us Aunt Laurie and Uncle John, and we all just love her.  She is smack dab in the middle of her chemo treatments, so I was so happy that she could fly in for the wedding. At some point during the reception she came up to me and said she was going to play her cancer card and try to secure a closer spot to the food in the long buffet line.  Well, I am all for any plan that gets me ahead of people in a food line, so I told her to stick with Nurse Laurie and we would be in front in no time.  Sure enough, I walked up to Megan, who had a great spot in line, and said Lauren needed to eat immediately and it was no small miracle that Megan didn’t shout, “No cuts. Back of the line, ladies! I’m pregnant and hungry,” but told us to jump ahead of her. 

Pregnant people can be mean, but not this time!

Well, no sooner did we secure our new spot and I turned to Lauren and said, “Now, get behind me, because I am really hungry,” and we burst out laughing.  I made sure to thank her later, because if it had not been for her devious plan, I would not have gotten a cupcake.  That’s the kind of family I have and it keeps getting better!

John and Lauren. Thanks, Lauren, for helping me get a cupcake that I didn't need :) I hope I can get into my bikini at the beach! Is it just a coincidence that my nephew, John, picked a girl named Lauren :) I think not!

It was all over quickly and the 700-mile drive home on Sunday seemed twice as long as the one getting there. It has taken us two full days to recover and I doubt I will be able to cook the rest of the week.  The dog sitter dropped the dogs off the night we were to be home, and I was so glad to see two Doodle faces pop up in the window when we pulled up.  She said the dogs did great and she will watch them again.  I had neglected my mother with no phone calls while we were away and worried she missed my calls.  My fears were quickly alleviated when she picked up the phone on Monday and said, “hold on, I want to see if this couple wins a car on Let’s Make a Deal!”  Vern has been extra needy since we got home and John came to bed early the other night because he said he was fed up with having to hold Vern’s paw for the last two hours. I have had him stand directly over me in bed a couple of times and paw my chest, which is either an attempt for extra affection or a desperate plea to get me to return him to the dog sitter.  Fudge is so happy and has been perfectly content sleeping and snuggling, which has been our main pastime since returning. It’s good to go, but it’s better to be home.  We have one more wedding this summer.  

God's blessings to you, Chelsea and Paul!

My family!!

Different wedding because I have no group shot, but some idea how big and STRANGE John's family happens to be!

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Julie!!

[Julie and Max]

Great blog Laurie had me laughing all the way through. Beautiful family too!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Jane!! LOL...I think Vern might be happy to see us go...he loves the dog sitter. I never worry a minute about him, but I worry so much about Fudge. Same to Bob :)

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Laughed the whole way through this and loved the photos!  You have been blessed with a wonderful family for sure and now the rest of us have another wedding blog to look forward too.  Fudge and Vern just crack me up!!  They are so similar to Rooney and Stuart - Rooney does just what Fudge does when the suitcases come out - Stuart is all la de da and doesn't get it or is happy to see us go - who knows.  Tell John we say hello!!  

[Leslie and Halas]

They must have all been wearing the shirts under their formalwear. That's the only logical explanation.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Leslie, I don't get it either. They all have a bikini shirt and an "I Love Intercourse, PA" shirt and nobody wore them.

[Leslie and Halas]

Looks like you had a fantastic time! But I am a little confused by the lack of bikini t-shirts.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Sherri, You are missed. We would love to hear some Sophie and Winston stories...even kitty. ;o)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lynda, Say it ain't so....I love my corn nuts!! I only eat them on trips, so I should be safe. Thank you!

Janie, So far...I am holding my own in the cooking department. LOL Hopefully, I will recover by next week. Thank you!! I can't believe none of you have heard of corn nuts.

Gail, I will message you :) Thank you!!

F, I think that is what happened :)

Karen, Thank you!! I was happy to get home...always :)

Thanks, Charlotte. My nephew's girlfriend is one of the most remarkable young women I have ever met. Her attitude and spirit is amazing and she loves to laugh :) She will make a difference in this world after this experience. I just know it. I was glad I got my cupcake, too :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Sherri, Thank you. I miss you! Hope all is well! I actually haven't blogged in a little bit, so glad this one made you happy :)

Thanks, Nicky!

Dee, Thank you! I really am lucky. I married into a fun family :)

Julie, Thank you! LOL...Eloise sounds like my Vern. When the sitter comes to pick him up, he goes nuts and doesn't look back as he heads out the door. I can't even say the name "Rachel" or they both start barking. At least my Fudge is a bit more loyal :)

Jane, Yes, it was wonderful to get back to my Doods :) I am sure you felt the same way. Thank you!! We did have a great time.

Leslie, LOL...I know...I have been gone a bit and busy :) I promise I will try and do better. I am sure that grand child and my daughter, the mother, will provide me with plenty of blog material :) Thank you for reading my blogs!! Your dad was smart....corn nuts are awesome.

DJ, So far, Fudge had not unpacked me. I wish she would after my trips :) That little stinker, Chance. Thank you!!

BG, Awww....your Gavin is so special. I love how he sat by the door. My dogs were not so cool and went ballistic when we pulled up. Fudge always sneaks in a jump and I have to be on guard. LOL I like Gavin's way better. Thank you!!

Jennifer, LOL...I annoy both my girls and I let my daughter's dogs out by accident one time and got in BIG trouble. BIG trouble and I deserved it. Glad Jack was fine and I know that had to have been scary. Glad your dad is with you. Thank you, Jen!!