Am I losing my bond?

[Theresa Nieman]

I have what probably seems like a weird dilemma.

My 7 mo old doodle is being trained, both by us and by a dog trainer, to be a support and service dog for me. Prior to school being out, I am home with him the most by far. Due to my medical issues, my husband has to be the one to walk him outside and to so service training in the stores etc.

The problem is... all this "special" time with dad is making the dog bond more closely with him. He is, of course, a family dog and we all love, pet, and play with him. I just can't compete with all this neat outdoor and store time. :(

I know he needs the exposure and practice practice practice but since I am unable to do it BUT he is supposed to be my support dog I am worried that OUR bond is now being compromised by dad working with him so much.

Any advice or reassurance my doodle friends?

[Bonnie and Kona]

I love the advice you are getting. Andrea seems to have a good idea. I'm just jumping in to say that your doodle is adorable. Also, I feel like my DH is best loved by our doodles because he runs them 3 miles a day. I do all of the feeding. They adore him. But having said that, when I travel, my DH says they mope around miserably until I return. So, even though it may seem like your pup prefers your DH for now, it may be he is just begging for more fun play time and he loves you just as dearly. Because you are so accessible and always feed him, he doesn't need to be at your heels. I think it will all even out as he gets older. He is a his prime for needing exercise right now so maybe this will settle. Enjoy your guy! 

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Theresa, thank you for sharing your history and what you hope to do with Dexter. I think that Dexter may or may not choose a favorite person (it hurts if it isn't you - been there, done that!)  but I'll bet, even if the 'favoritest of all' isn't you, he will adore, assist and want to please you because you will be special to him. I understand why your husband must do the bulk of the training, but perhaps there are some safe places or good days where you can try to participate more with actual training to facilitate your bond.

[Theresa Nieman]

Dexter is the first male dog I've had in several years.  He seems to be very bonded with all of us and is super happy to see any of use when we come home or get up in the morning.  I have no doubt he will help me in the proper ways as a service dog.  I have no doubt that his affection will be available to me as well.  I guess I just hate to have a dog that despite being home with me all the time and me providing 95% of his food he still just waits at the door for "dad".   I was looking forward to being his "person".  It seemed to be so comfortably until school let out and now dad is not only home all day but takes him for walks and stores and fun stuff.  This seemed to tilt the balance away from me and now to him.  It's like having your dog love his dog walker or his dog trainer (which of course is fine) but that walker or trainer doesn't drop him off but rather sits down and spends the rest of their time with the family.  

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I am no expert about service dogs, but it seems to me your dog has the best of both worlds. I also have found that my female dog is more the one to pick one person for the strongest bond. Our male dog seems to love all of us equally, but I am Fudge's person. That being said, would it be so bad to have Dexter be your support dog, but also have "play time" with your husband?  I bet he is smart enough to figure out the difference. 

[Theresa Nieman]

For more info on how he is needed as a service dog, please see my GoFundMe page here:  gofund.me/vdkh5u38

I am not posting this as asking for help but rather as a background to the current situation and how he came to be my guy. <3

[Theresa Nieman]

You guys are the best!  What nice responses thus far!

I have had Dexter since mid January this year.  He was 10 weeks old at the time.

Since then (my husband is a teacher and we have two teenage sons still at home), I have been the primary caregiver since I seldom leave home (that's another story) and I work from home as well.  I am THE food person for him except for the treats that others give to practice his tricks etc.  I am also the only person who has taught him in the home commands and tricks.  He does very very well with sit, sit/stay, down (laying down), up (beg position), wait and then come in a variety of situations, spin, shake paw, "talk" (he warbles at me) and some others I just can't think of at the moment.  He has also been enrolled in a basic and intermediate puppy class (two diff classes) as well as some one-on-one work with the dog trainer.

The problem/insecurity arises with my husband volunteering to take the lead in public accessibility and public behavior in stores etc.  Because of my medical issues, it is very hard for me to do this.  My husband is also taking the lead in his walks because of my severe allergy issues this time of the year (heck all year :(  ).

Granted, I understand that sometimes service dogs are trained and then transitioned over to their "person" but that dang trainer lives in my house!  It really wasn't a huge problem until school has gotten out and now my husband is spending even more time with him.  Thus... this 60 pound 7 month old puppy now follows Dad around the house cos Dad does all "the cool things" with him.  I still do the stuff at home but it hardly competes with trips to the park, stores etc.  I love that he is a family dog and he obviously loves us all,but I want to be his "person", even if it is only by 1/2 inch.  Does that make sense? 

So what happens when the trainer is a  family member who is NOT the primary person he will be service for?

[Andrea, Belle and Honey]

My daughter's service dog, Ellie, was bred and trained by, and lived with, a staff member of a service dog organization for almost 2 years before she came to us.  We were instructed to have only my daughter feed, practice commands and play with, and lavish affection on, Ellie, and not to allow anyone else to do any of those things.  Ellie was a lovely lab, and it was very difficult to resist petting and hugging her, but we did, until her tenure as a service dog ended.  Ellie formed a strong bond with my daughter which continued even after I had to take over walking and feeding her and reinforcing her training in public places.  Once your puppy's initial training is completed and his focus is on providing services for you, and you become the primary source of affection, I think your bond will keep strengthening as time goes by. Best of luck, and I look forward to reading posts describing your progress.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

I have found that our dogs seem to pick their primary person as the one who trains them.  But I also see that when the going gets tough, I am the one they seek out as their protector whether I held the leash during training or not.  Are you able to do in-house training - calling to come, sit, stay, etc?  Can the puppy have down time in your lap or tethered to your chair? Are you able to be the one to feed him?

That being said, think of the service dogs who are raised and trained elsewhere before going to the person they are to serve.  The person who receives the dog goes through some training and bonding with the dog then.  I would assume that you will replicate that process.

Keep us posted as you and your dog progress in this endeavor. I know that choosing a dog to be a service dog is very tricky since it requires so much from the dog in temperament and ability. I would enjoy reading your posts as you and your pup go through this journey.