Business Trips, Doodle Hunting Expeditions, and God's Little Way of Saying, "Hey!"

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

This past week, my husband was away on business.  Last time, he left me all alone with our daughter, the power went out for the entire weekend and I swore he wasn’t going to get away from me again.  Unfortunately, his work does not seem to think being married to a hapless woman is reason enough to skip a conference.  He also didn’t seem to care when I said, “if you leave me, I might not be here when you get back,” because all he said was that was like telling him if he ate a steak dinner there would be a piece of cherry pie for him when he finished.  When I said, “Why are you talking about foods you love when our marriage could be ending?” he started laughing and said it had to do with incentive.  My daughter was so excited when I told her it was just going to be the two of us this week that the first words out of her mouth were, “Oh crap, this means we will be eating out all week.” She knows I spend a lot of my day trying to avoid making meals and when her father is gone, I don’t even have to pretend like I might really cook.  I rattled off all the fun things I wanted to do including a spa day for Fudge and Vern.  I told her I was going to bathe the dogs and send them to her for their blow dry and she got a little huffy and said, “Will we be painting their nails and giving them their bikini waxes, too?”  I wanted to burst her smug bubble and say, “Hey dufus, everybody knows it is called a sanitary cut in the dog world,” but I had to spend the week with her, so no sense in starting out on the wrong foot.  

 

The sad thing is my daughter ended up being sick all week and when she got home from work all she wanted to do was sit around and cough and talk about how badly she felt, with no regard to the fact that she was ruining our “mini-vacation.”  I tried explaining to her that we were lucky to be getting some good quality mother/daughter time together and it would be far more enjoyable for all concerned if she could stop gagging and hacking, but it didn’t seem to help.

She loves to shop, so one night I asked her to drive along with me to Target and wait in the car with the dogs with the air conditioning on while I ran in to pick up a couple of things.  I was dumbfounded when she didn’t jump at that opportunity, but instead said she would rather die at home in the comfort of her own room then in my stinky van in the Target parking lot.  FYI: sick people do not like the following:  honking a bike horn in the car every time they cough or when they have their eyes closed, comments about pouring Nyquil down their throat, or moms who say, “it’s creepy how much phlegm one human being can produce.”

Nope, she just kept saying she was sick and she sure didn’t care about making our time together special and sometimes, it can be very hard as a parent to see our children acting so selfishly.

 

My daughter was not the only one out of sorts this past week.  I don’t know if my husband told Fudge and Vern to keep an eye out for us, but they spent the entire week in hunting mode, exploring the perimeter, searching out their enemies, and conducting their own private reconnaissance missions every day. 

By the time I finished mowing the yard on Monday, they had dug two or three new holes trying to capture their arch nemesis…the dreaded chipmunk.  Our small stone wall is even smaller now and there are more stones lying in the driveway than on the actual wall.  At one point, both dogs had their entire heads in the area recently vacated by the stones with the help of their large paws, butts up in the air, and two tails wagging vigorously.  If one of them found something of interest, pretty soon the other one was right there helping wreak havoc on our lawn.  So far, last week Fudge flushed a small bird out of the bushes, but was kind enough to let her brother put it in his mouth TWICE and they were both involved in a groundhog take down at the dog sitters.  Vern managed to push his way through the bottom of the deer fencing once, but luckily for us, didn’t like to be on the outside looking in and stood at the gate with a look of sheer panic on his face and an expression that seemed to be saying, “Let me in already…it is dangerous out here.”  The last time this happened he ran in the house and curled up on his bed in a fetal position like he had forgotten what a nice, soft bed felt like while he had been standing outside that gate for five whole minutes.

 

The bird in the mouth was my fault, because the day it happened, I did a dumb thing.  We have a bird’s nest under our garage roof and I have been watching the baby birds and taking pictures of their progress. It had been awhile since I checked on the nest and I was surprised to see four huge baby birds stuffed into a nest the size of a hanging donut.  Growing up, I shared a bed with my sister and we used to draw an imaginary line down the center of the bed to mark our personal space and she still complains to this day that all my stuffed animals caused her respiratory problems. She also complains about being the middle child, but at least there weren’t four of us stuffed into a twin size bed and I guess I thought next Thanksgiving when she brings all this up to rehash again, I could whip out that bird picture and say, “it could have been worse. There could have been four of us sleeping in a bean bag chair and waiting around for our mother to return with our dinner of worms.”  

 

Anyway, I went out to take some photos and just as I got the camera closer in place and snapped, all four birds flew out of the nest.  It surprised me and caught me unaware and if the camera had been turned on me, there would now be a video surfacing on YouTube of a tall woman screaming and flailing about as four birds flew at her head while she yelled, “no…wait…come back!”

I thought all four birds flew high up into the trees and I called my husband, who said he thought they would be fine.  I wished I had stopped with that call, because the next one to my mom, who has never been known for her gentle ways, ended with her saying, “what kind of an idiot tries to take a picture of a bird’s nest?” after I told her my story. 

Well, I told myself all day the birds were fine, but then I got a call from my daughter while I was on the way home that the dogs had found one of the birds in a bush.  The little guy survived the assault even though he spent a couple of seconds playing the part of Jonah to Vern’s whale.

My daughter was furious with the dogs when I got home and kept pointing fingers at the perpetrators, who by that time were on a victor’s high and bouncing around and wagging their tails every time she mentioned them by name and gestured in their direction. I got the strong feeling they did not care that they were in trouble.  I put the bird back in the nest when I got home and he promptly jumped out and after another phone call to my personal Google, I tried again and hoped for the best.

 

No power failures last week while he was gone, but I did get up to the mall on Thursday and was met at the door by a saleslady who informed me that the power had just gone out moments before I arrived.  I felt like it was God’s way of telling me he could still mess with me if he wanted to and not to get too complacent.  I also decided to do something I never do and surprise my husband by weeding a large area around back and it now looks much better, but my body looks like I have been sleeping with mosquitoes in his absence.  I think I have poison ivy/poison oak, which I have always thought I was immune to since I have never had it before, but it turns out, my theory was wrong.  When he got home and saw me, he said, “don’t you know what poison ivy looks like?” and I said, “I’m not stupid,” but it did not sound all that convincing as I stood there scratching.  You know you have been married a long time, when you wake up next to your spouse who has been gone one week and look over and say, “I know how much you missed me, but before you get to the point where you can’t control yourself, would you mind slathering my body with anti-itch cream?” and he says, “Actually, I’d rather not touch you unless I am wearing rubber gloves.” 

Finally, the night my husband arrived home we had a terrible thunderstorm, and as it quieted down, my daughter and I went to the park to walk the dogs.  I had just finished saying to her the week had been pretty uneventful and out of nowhere came a huge flash followed by a loud explosion.  I know some of you think I am prone to exaggeration and embellishment and I am not just talking about my daughters who are DK members, but I am not kidding you when I tell you I had no idea for a moment what was happening and at first, thought my daughter had flashed her camera light in my face. It turned out to be lightning and we ran to the car and Vern was so scared he sat on my daughter’s lap on the way home and shook like a baby. He was still panting when my husband arrived home safely and as I recounted the scary event, ending with the statement that he came this close to losing all four of us by a force of nature, he turned to Fudge and Vern and enveloped them in a hug and said, “I would really miss you two.”  It was good to have him home.

 

P.S. My niece called yesterday and we invited her family up to spend the day with us on our boat. She is 39 weeks pregnant, due any day now.  My first two thoughts were 1) We were going to be really mad if she turned our pontoon boat into a Labor and Delivery vessel 2) I would have one great blog if she did!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Bonnie, I am taking it orally, but I am also slathering on Gold Bond Anti-itch cream :) Thank you for your concern. 

[Bonnie and Kona]

The antihistamine is the knock out drug... enjoy the stupor. Hope you feel better soon. Itching is just pure torture. So sorry for you, Laurie. Are you taking cortisone orally or topically?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Charlotte, Now, I am really offended that Donna had the nerve to put my face on a Meerkat....LOL! I remember that show on TV about them. Thank you for information.  I hope Donna doesn't now put my face on a monkey to show me the difference...LOL!!

F, Yes, I went to the doctor and he gave me two kinds of meds. So far, slightly less itching and the medicine knocks me out, but hopefully, I will feel better soon. Thanks for asking.

[Charlotte and Bo]

Laurie, those are meerkats (did I spell that right?). Cute little guys, but I doubt you want your face on one of those either since they have been known to fight off cobras and get themselves carried off by hawks. :-)

[F, Calla & Luca]

Laurie, is the PI better. Did you get steroids?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Donna, I don't think I like my face being put on one of those monkeys....LOL!! I hate new shoes. They always fit in the store and then the first time you wear them out, they hurt like heck :)  I thought, too, my DD was pretty selfish not waiting in the car.....LOL. Thank you for my laugh tonight.

[Donna K & Quincy]

Laurie, I seriously am sorry you got such a nasty rash and I tried really hard not to laugh, but you know your blogs are just too funny and I couldn't help myself. I am glad my life is not quite so exciting as your's and my main events today were blisters from new shoes and a very muddy doodle from trying to take a short cut back home while I could stil walk. I can't imagine why DD didn't want to wait in an airconditioned car with the doodles while you went shopping, if she had the chills I'm sure Vern wouldn't have minded sharing his blankie.

I also find it highly suspect that the power just happened to go out at the mall as you arrived, I think there may have been a BOLO issued for you because where you go mayhem and disaster are never far away. Did you happen to see a scene like this in front of the mall?

If you see this woman, kill the power and lock the doors.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Deanna, A snake would put me over the edge :) I would have to call my neighbor. With frogs and snakes hanging around your house, I can see why you had a panic attack. You summed up how I feel when my husband leaves perfectly. Thank you!!

Bonnie, Thank you so much for your kind words :)

Charlotte, Thank you! I still don't know what I pulled up, but never again without gloves and a shower immediately following. Better yet, I am leaving the weeding to my DH.....LOL!

Jane, Thank you!! So far, she is still pregnant :)

Thanks, F!

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Laurie - you always make me laugh!!!  I'll be watching for the Labor & Delivery blog - I got my fingers crossed!!!

[F, Calla & Luca]

Sometimes the Virginia Creeper looks a lot like PI. I always look further along the vine to find five leaflets to be sure.