Dear Pet Sitter, Please take Good Care of Fudge and Vern when I am Gone!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 

We leave for our annual summer vacation soon and Fudge and Vern are not going with us. My sister in law has a beach house, and most of my husband’s family meets there once a year.  To call it a vacation, might be a slight reach, since about 20 people pile into one house, we still cook, do dishes, and laundry, and in the morning when you want to go for a walk, you have to maneuver through the bodies of sleeping nieces and nephews on the living room floor in order to get out the door. One wrong roll at the wrong time and someone could get injured. For some odd reason, my sister in law does not allow any dogs; despite the fact that I think a 90 pound dog and a 50 pound dog added to the hoards of people could only increase the fun.  I can see Vern now stepping directly on top of people, the women lamenting that they didn’t want to have more children anyways, the men cupping body parts and cursing, and the children crying and squealing that Vern is too big. Fudge would probably want someone to throw the ball for her, and in that house with all those people, it could be grounds for a lawsuit.  It is nothing personal against Fudge and Vern; she had the rule in place long before we got them.

Last year, when I had to leave the dogs for three days, I wrote a three page list of instructions for the poor kid watching them. My daughter’s dog was staying with us too at the time, and I asked her what her instructions were for the dog sitter and she said, “He needs to hug him, feed him, give him water, and take him out.”  When I showed her my list and she saw it began with 1) Vern sleeps with a night light, she said she should probably call for professional help. She added that the only thing holding her back was she just knew I would probably create an ugly scene, while I was being fitted for my special jacket, by  screaming over and over again, “Wait, I need my list, I forgot to add something!” as I was being carted away.

Well, it is that time of year again, and I have been working on this year’s list of instructions for the new pet sitter. I took into account last year’s list and the critique I received from my family and the fact that the pet sitter asked, “Fudge and Vern are dogs, right?” after he read all three pages.  I can’t help it, if I feel like no one understands my dogs the way I do, or that they will need extra TLC when we are gone. I have the feeding and care guidelines on another sheet, but I think I covered all the bases this time for the special instructions that only I know.  I am pretty sure no one can call any of these reasonable requests crazy.  

1)      Vern needs a night light at night or he gets scared of the monsters under the bed and the shadows on the wall.

2)      If Fudge puts her two front paws on the bed, it means she would like to be lifted the rest of the way up. Also, when she stands up on the bed and looks down at the floor, it means she wants you to lift her off of the bed.

3)      When Vern walks over to your side of the bed and stares at you, he either wants you to say, “Vernie, I love you this much,” while holding your arms out real wide, or he needs to go out and go potty.

4)      If you are in the bathroom and they barge in, yell, “Group Hug!” and throw your arms around both of them. They do not care if you are on the toilet or in a state of undress.

5)      Fudge will sit back and wait her turn for all things, so please don’t forget that she is waiting. Vern likes to get up close and personal, but Fudge likes to wait until Vern is out of the way until she eats, drinks, or comes in for a hug.

6)      When you take them out to go to the bathroom, the commands to use are “Go Potty” or “Drop it like it’s hot”.

7)      They are both afraid of hula hoops. Please don’t hula hoop while you are here.

8)      Fudge gets scared when you sneeze, so please don’t sneeze when you are here.

9)      Vern is afraid of lawn chairs. Please stand, if possible.

10)   Please take Fudge’s collar off when she and Vern go out to play. Vern likes to play, “Yank Fudge by the collar” and she does not like that game.

11)   Fudge will not drink out of a dirty water bowl, so whenever Vern drinks first, the water needs to be changed.

12)   They like when you rhyme to them…long story…but it started with a Limerick discussion. Vern, your turn and Fudge, please budge, are some of their favorites.

13)   If you insist on walking them in public without their training collars, please read and sign the attached waiver relinquishing us from all damages, injuries, and lawsuits.

14)   If you take them to the park, they both know sit and stay, but all bets are off if you park near a goose. (We found that out the hard way)

15)   Please keep your cell phone on day and night, in case I think of more “instructions”.

I showed the list to my husband to make sure none of these sounded too kooky and all he said was, “You forgot to tell her to burp them after they eat,” and I just looked at him and said, “That makes no sense.”  I just know I forgot something important…maybe we shouldn’t go…no, they will be ok….she has my cell phone number…why do we have to go on some stupid vacation?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Frances!!

[Frances Pendrous (Horan)]

I so feel your pain.....:)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Donna, I love that picture...made my night.

[Donna K & Quincy]

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Cheryl, LOL...I do think Doodle owners are "special" too! Thank you!

Susan, I always love your comments. I wonder if your DD will read the list or "put it aside" when you leave. I hope you have a fabulous time on your cruise...how exciting!! I totally understand the "will I be able to survive without my dogs" comment. Although, Vern keeps getting us up in the middle of the night, so I will not miss that part :)

Thanks, Paul and Michele, I am glad my dogs are not the only ones on DK that sleep with a night light. Last night, we forgot to turn it on and Vern would not settle. My DH finally said, "I think he needs his light on." Even he gets it too...LOL. Thank you!

Joan, I am keeping St. Patrick's Day to myself. I want her to show up!! Thank you!

Thanks, Leslie!

Nicky, Have a great time at the Derby and enjoy that Champagne. You deserve it after the week you have had:)

 

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

Laurie, I seriously fell off the chair laughing when I read your list...several times! I would NEVER think of telling people not to sneeze!!!! I know Doodles are special ...but your list proves their owners are "special" too :)

 

 

 

[Susan and Sasha]

Okay Laurie...

Once again...I am sitting in our bedroom...by myself...and laughing... So Loud...that I think the people who live down the block are calling the police at this Very Moment...saying that someone is Absolutely Losing It...or...Being Killed!!  Lol...

 

The really funny...wonderful...sad...and eerie thing about your List is...that I just finished typing a List just like this for my daughter!  She  will be watching Sasha for two weeks...while my DH and I go on a cruise to celebrate our Anniversary!  Lol...

 

Here are my thoughts...

Are our Doodles Dogs...or...Are They...Ummmmm....Human????

I mean...when you look at their Beautiful...Gorgeous..Animated Faces...seeming to smile much of the time...

and at other times...they cock their heads to the side...as if to say...I Know Just What You Mean...And What You Are Saying!!

I...like you...question if I should leave Sasha!!  Ever!!!!

 

Will someone else be able to care for her as I would?  

 Will someone be able to follow the four pages of instructions... or will they think that "talking and singing" to Sasha the entire time she is "doing her business" rather strange??

 Will Sasha become so matted that I will have to cut her... Really...Really...Short  when I get home?

Will someone spend "bonding time" with Sahsa each day...grooming her...brushing and combing her...and rubbing Cowboy Magic through her beautiful coat...while all the time ta;king to her...praising her for being such a "good girl"!

  Will Sasha be able to survive without me...and Most Of All...Will I Be Able To Survive Without My Girl??!!  Lol...

 

Yes my friend...I just left a four page list for my Very Capable daughter...and she just smiled...

You see...she's my daughter...and I raised her well...with Lists... and Lots and Lots of LOVE...and she knows that her Mom would do nothing less for Sasha... then I did for her!!

 

Enjoy your vacation!!

I can't wait to hear all about it...and the adventures of Vern and Fudge!!

Doodle Hugs from Sasha and me...

[Paul & Michele]

I love it and for what it's worth Molly & Bailee have a night light too!!!  Have a great vacation...

[Joan, Louie and Mila]

Laurie you are a riot...as usual!

Don't forget to tell the pet sitter about your doods wild side...remember St Patrick's Day??? I can bail the kids out while you're away...Hell I can fill in for the pet sitter...I might have to keep Vern though!!!

Have a great vacation...hope too much family time doesn't ruin the beach!

[Leslie and Halas]

I especially like 7, 8, and 9.  I had a list like this for Halas, too, the first time I had to leave him with someone other than my mom.  Since he stays with these same people once in awhile, I don't have to print the list each time.  They know the drill now.  Great post!  Have fun on your vacation.