Labradoodle & Goldendoodle Forum
Feeling it
Tonight marks the five week anniversary of Jesse’s AirVac arrival to Mayo. As his sedation leaves his system he has become more and more aware of the life he has in the CCU. When I arrived, he was down, and he stayed that way for nearly my entire ten hour visit.
Jess began his morning with a swallow test. He was allowed a teaspoon of tapioca pudding – which her reported tasted like “heaven.” His voice is not back and they are afraid of vocal chord damage. Jess had a test and will be looked at with a scope tomorrow. He has had no food or drink. Nutrition goes straight to the small bowel, bypassing the stomach, not allowing him any sensation of food.
His doctor came in in-between surgeries and told Jess he was looking good, then added it was doubtful his heart will make a recovery. He mentioned his voice may not be coming back because his heart is too weak and that he should not compare himself to what he was before the heart attack. Furthermore, Jess needs to get strong to even get on a heart transplant list. This was not the entire conversation, but this is all we heard.
We have all gotten use to seeing him day after day, surgery after surgery, with his chest left open and the constant fear of infection. Jess does not comprehend when we say he looks great. He doesn’t feel great. His once hunky muscles have faded away. His strong legs from biking are now thin and can not hold him up. His beautiful strong voice is lost in s horse whisper. He is defeated.
I could not comfort him.
He decided to try and nap in the afternoon. I left him alone for about 1 ½ hours. I called Kathy, family friend, wife of his best friend Frank. She met me after Jess’s nap and Frank arrived shortly after. Jess did sleep for about an hour.
Guys are good with guys. The friends conversed. They watched the news, they talked sports. Jess was relaxing. One of the heart surgeons was making rounds. I met him at the door and told him Jess had been feeling low. Frank, Kathy, and I stepped out of the room while the good doctor chatted with Jess. The talk was more than you would expect from a “making the rounds” visit.
Shortly after returning to the room Frank and Kathy say their goodbyes. I stayed a little while longer to make sure Jess would be O.K. for the night. He looked at me and said, “I feel more at peace.”
I asked Jess if it was what the doctor said, and he confirmed that with a nod.
I’m not so sure the doctor told him anything differently than what I had been telling him all day, but he has the credentials.
I am hoping tomorrow is a better day for Jess. I hope he will get to eat soon. I hope his lungs will clear and he won’t need the bipad (bilateral intermittent positive airway pressure) anymore. I hope that he graduates out of CCU and on to the top floor where he can start serious rehabilitation. I hope, I hope, I hope.
Meanwhile, Phoebe got her first Kong. That is what I went out and bought while Jess was napping. She is a happy doo.
Take care of yourselves and your loved ones. Everyday is a gift.
Doodle Kisses and sweet dreams, J,J, P and H.
Jess began his morning with a swallow test. He was allowed a teaspoon of tapioca pudding – which her reported tasted like “heaven.” His voice is not back and they are afraid of vocal chord damage. Jess had a test and will be looked at with a scope tomorrow. He has had no food or drink. Nutrition goes straight to the small bowel, bypassing the stomach, not allowing him any sensation of food.
His doctor came in in-between surgeries and told Jess he was looking good, then added it was doubtful his heart will make a recovery. He mentioned his voice may not be coming back because his heart is too weak and that he should not compare himself to what he was before the heart attack. Furthermore, Jess needs to get strong to even get on a heart transplant list. This was not the entire conversation, but this is all we heard.
We have all gotten use to seeing him day after day, surgery after surgery, with his chest left open and the constant fear of infection. Jess does not comprehend when we say he looks great. He doesn’t feel great. His once hunky muscles have faded away. His strong legs from biking are now thin and can not hold him up. His beautiful strong voice is lost in s horse whisper. He is defeated.
I could not comfort him.
He decided to try and nap in the afternoon. I left him alone for about 1 ½ hours. I called Kathy, family friend, wife of his best friend Frank. She met me after Jess’s nap and Frank arrived shortly after. Jess did sleep for about an hour.
Guys are good with guys. The friends conversed. They watched the news, they talked sports. Jess was relaxing. One of the heart surgeons was making rounds. I met him at the door and told him Jess had been feeling low. Frank, Kathy, and I stepped out of the room while the good doctor chatted with Jess. The talk was more than you would expect from a “making the rounds” visit.
Shortly after returning to the room Frank and Kathy say their goodbyes. I stayed a little while longer to make sure Jess would be O.K. for the night. He looked at me and said, “I feel more at peace.”
I asked Jess if it was what the doctor said, and he confirmed that with a nod.
I’m not so sure the doctor told him anything differently than what I had been telling him all day, but he has the credentials.
I am hoping tomorrow is a better day for Jess. I hope he will get to eat soon. I hope his lungs will clear and he won’t need the bipad (bilateral intermittent positive airway pressure) anymore. I hope that he graduates out of CCU and on to the top floor where he can start serious rehabilitation. I hope, I hope, I hope.
Meanwhile, Phoebe got her first Kong. That is what I went out and bought while Jess was napping. She is a happy doo.
Take care of yourselves and your loved ones. Everyday is a gift.
Doodle Kisses and sweet dreams, J,J, P and H.
Comment
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Comment by Beverly Wright on March 31, 2009 at 6:46pm
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Janet,
I am praying that tomorrow will be better. Jess will have lots of bad days along with the good ones. This is to be expected. Just keep holding his hand and encouraging him. Before long he will probably get ill with you and do not take this personal...it is just normal for the patients to take our their frustration on the ones they love the most! My prayers will continue!
Bev
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Comment by Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle on March 31, 2009 at 7:32am
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I hope Jess is in better spirits today. Stay focused on all the love and positive energy surrounding you both.
Hugs and prayers still coming your way.
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Comment by Jeri on March 31, 2009 at 4:51am
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Baby steps. You and Jess are a reminder of how precious life is.
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