How to Amuse Yourself In a Small Town! Labradoodles Not Allowed!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 

This blog has absolutely nothing to do with doodles, except that I own two, and we do all live in a small town. If you blink when you drive down our main drag, you will miss our one restaurant/bar, wine shop, Fire station, and Bingo hall.  Apparently, we like to drink and play Bingo in our little town from this description. 

 

About once a year, I am not ashamed to say, a group of friends and I meet for Bingo. Mostly, we go around Thanksgiving when my mom and aunt are visiting, but one lucky time my daughters reluctantly went along too. Since we are not regulars, when we walk in, the room always gets quiet and everybody stops and stares at the outsiders.   I made the mistake once of asking a group of ladies if anyone was sitting at the empty table next to them, and almost got my head bit off when they explained that the wooden tulips on the table meant the seats were saved.  I quickly surmised that they do not like witty repartee because right after I said, “Add a couple of windmills, and we could be in Holland,” they went back to talking amongst themselves and I swear I heard the word idiot.

 

Our party always includes my very good friend and her twin. I call them the Doublemint twins, but the Giggle sisters would also suffice.  The last time we went, there was an elderly lady at a nearby table who had a large, gross bandage across most of her forehead and I said to the one twin, “Look, that lady over there probably told the ambulance driver she knew she had a major head wound, but could they just stop off at Bingo before they take her to the ER,” and I thought the twin was going to get us kicked out of the hall for disorderly conduct.

 

So far, I have learned that serious Bingo players do not like laughter, talking, and twins screaming, “I won” on a game called Horse Races when, in fact, the Bingo caller was explaining the rules of the game and it had not even started.  I live in this town and once you get a label like “stupid Bingo lady with stupid friends” it is very hard to shake.

 

Up until recently, I have also had a running debate with my oldest daughter that the Bingo caller is Osama bin Laden. She insists that she worries about me on so many levels, but he was a dead ringer for him and what better place to hide than a small town in PA calling Bingo. I have not been to Bingo since Osama bin Laden was killed, but come Thanksgiving, when we go back to Bingo, I will see if my theory proved correct.

 

The few times my mom has gone with us, she has impressed the townspeople with her patience.  She likes to wait until silence falls over the room and then loudly comment how slowly the Bingo caller is calling and how she calls Bingo at her place and her balls are faster.  Most of the time, I twirl my finger next to my ear and mouth “crazy” to all the locals to try and distance myself from her during her outbreaks and keep on their good sides.

 

My all time favorite Bingo prizes are the door prizes. At intermission, they draw numbers and if you win, you get to select from an odd assortment of prizes.  One time, it was frozen chickens and a ham.  All I did was say, “are the chickens USDA grade and does the ham walk home behind your car?” and my DD went nutso.  She said between me talking about Osama bin Laden, her grandmother going on and on about balls, people telling us to be quiet, and frozen door prizes, this might be the worst night of her life. When I asked her how she thought I felt, since I had paid for everything and couldn’t even win poultry, she asked how far it would be if she walked home. 

 

Last time we went I attracted the attention of a woman who stared at me for quite some time and then asked me if I would be interested in a free wrinkle cream.  When I told her I thought I looked pretty good, since I was 93, she continued to stare at me and then handed me a piece of paper with the website for the cream.  I think it was right after she told me the website will ask for my Social Security number and I should just click through that screen that I decided Bingo could be scary and I had better start choosing my table more carefully.

 

All in all, you can’t get this kind of entertainment in every town, so if you are ever up my way, keep in mind that Wednesday is Bingo night.  Just let me know and I will put a wooden tulip on our table and save you a seat.

 

[Donna K & Quincy]

Laurie, a perfect description of small town bingo. The only time I've ever gone to bingo, I went with a bunch of fellow bingo virgins and one pro.  Our pro friend was always winning and we thought it would be fun to check it out. We did so much laughing and poking fun, I don't think we were all that welcome and our pro bingo player had her winning streak broken and had to find a new place to play. Those bingo dabbers sure do take their game seriously. We were not invited back.

[Sue, Lola, Pongo & Hubby]

Another winning blog post! Next time bring Fudge and Vern? That'll make for the next great blog!

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

Once again laughing! Laurie you are VERY brave to set foot in there! I'm afraid to go to ANY bingo (seriously-I laugh at anything-gets me in trouble) When my grandma was around, she would go to bingo at least 2 times a week. My aunt still goes but she lies and says she don't! I know exactly how they act and have been to a few church festivals with a few drinks and walked into the tent to "watch" and we got kicked out laughing at all the intense people! My mom told me to shoot her if she ever thinks about going to bingo! They have it once a week in her building and I ask her where were you at 7pm on Thursday night?? I tease her all the time about it. So let me compliment you on your bravery and you must be really bored to go there in the first place!!

[Leslie and Halas]

Many years ago, my mom and her friend were at the American Legion or somewhere similar (Moose, Amvets, VFW, anywhere with cheap beer), and her friend, who was not playing Bingo, decided to yell Bingo while sitting near the Bingo area.  The Bingo players were not amused.  I think my mom and her friend were asked to leave the establishment. Now, when we have our Christmas tree hunts, which start at the VFW, because everyone knows you have to have a couple of $1.25 Bloody Marys before you can chop down a Christmas tree, we call the VFW a couple of weekends ahead of time to make sure we're not there during Bingo.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Schafkopf

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Tina, I love it....OFC. What in the heck is Schafkopf?? Who knows what those Old Farts are doing at the community center...LOL! Better stick to fending off snakes in your yard :)

Joan, I will let you know when we go next. I don't even mention Labradoodles up there in case they would try and make Fudge and Vern a door prize :)

[Joan, Louie and Mila]

Laurie.. I.would love to meet you at BINGO some night! That shows you what a AHEM...full life I lead! I'm just down the pike a bit as you know so let me know!!!

I can bring Louie and the doods can finally meet!

Did you ever submit a story to the Pet blog I sent you a few months back? You need to ...really and share your talents with the masses! 

[Tina, Clover, Plus 5 More]

Laurie, we could be neighbors.  We have a bank, meat locker, bar/restuarant and fire station/community center.  Everyday the OFC (old farts club) meets at the community center to play schafkopf.  I'm not allowed to play though.  Oh wait, I don't know how.  Heck, I still can't pronounce the name.  I know how to play BINGO, but I don't think they would allow it here.  That would mean anyone could show up.  Nope not allowed.  Oh well, I guess I will just have to enjoy the fact that "I live across the River from 204 friendly people and like it that way".  OOPS, make that 198 we lost a few. 

So, if I'm ever in PA I would love to go play BINGO.  Will I have to walk?

Laurie, I just love your stories.  Thanks for the good laugh this morning.  Since Monday my internet access as been down most of the time.  Living in the country it is my only link to civilization, LOL.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

LIsa, You should be winning with only 12 people playing...LOL! Our Bingo hall is packed and people start showing up around 3 and it starts at 6:30 pm.

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

ha ha ha - WE actually hold Bingo in our rec center once a month....if you are lucky there are 12 participants and 9 of them are over the age of 70. You would think that would be an advantage but alas it is not, those cotton heads are swift and serious. Because we are not allowed to gamble or bet every penny that goes in goes out...no house money. I have won $10 before, well technically I broke even cause I bought 10 cards.

Bingo is serious lady!