How to Lose Weight and Look Good in Shorts!! A Must Read for Dog Walkers!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 

As promised, I have been giving a lot of thought to this blog. Summer for me means I have to pull out last years shorts and make sure they still fit. It is always a crap shoot and could go either way. For years, I have been saying the extra pounds are due to the baby weight I put on when I was pregnant, but my baby is 25 now and people are starting to question that theory.  All last year, I promised myself I would lose weight for my DD’s wedding, but I was also keeping my stress levels down with an almost daily trip to Auntie Anne’s Pretzels so I probably broke even at the wedding. This year I have no excuse, but every Saturday I still wake up and think next week I promise I will start back on Weight Watchers.

 

I am a veteran Weight Watchers attendee. Over the years I have joined and quit so many times, that one time the lady weighing me asked if I even needed the literature for that week.  Usually, I start off by trying to attend the meetings, but then I get irritated by the over sharers of the group who want to tell you about how their husband did this and they had a hot fudge sundae or their boss yelled at them and they had a Twinkie and frankly, I don’t care. A couple of times I have thought about shouting, “Get a therapist already, but then I see my daughter giving me the stink eye and I vow to keep my mouth shut for another week.”  I am sorry to be so mean, but I just find it so rude for people to be talking while I am trying to calculate in my head if eating an entire box of Weight Watchers Peanut Butter cookies during the meeting is going to blow my points for the week.

 

The last time I joined my daughter decided to join with me. This was her first time going and I tried to offer her some motherly advice based on my success of losing and regaining the same pounds over and over again.  My first tip was to add one inch to her height thus making her goal weight higher. Genius, if I do say so myself. Next, I almost choked when I saw what she was wearing to the first weigh in…jogging pants and a short sleeve shirt. I told her to go change and put on a pair of boots, jeans, sweater, and a down jacket. I could see I had my work cut out for me when she mentioned that it was July and wouldn’t she be overdressed? Duh…that is the point. I told her layering was her best friend at a weigh in and next week, we would lose the down jacket and boots and no matter how successful we were with the diet that week, we would, for sure, lose weight. After all my help and tips, she said she wasn’t going to change her clothes, because she thought my way was cheating. Raising two daughters has taught me to pick my battles, so I just said, “Do it your way, Honest Abe, but my way works even if weigh in does get slightly x-rated after week four.” All she said was she thought at week five, she might switch to a different meeting.

 

Another thing my family has learned over the years is to give me my space when I am dieting. Because starving does not agree with me, I can get a little testy and start saying things that could hurt feelings. After sitting down to another chicken with broccoli dinner one night, I have to give my DH props for trying to be upbeat and saying everything looked wonderful, Between my gagging and complaining about the food, I did manage to spit out, “I guess it might look good if you were a member of the Donner party and it was this or Larry’s arm.”  So, he switched to bad cop and told me I was being dramatic and healthy eating would improve my life.  I felt like knocking him over the head with a can of Progresso Light soup, but instead I said, “When is the last time someone tuned you up?” After that he said he thought I should lay off The Real Housewives of New Jersey TV show while I was dieting.  

 

Most of you can see by now, I have no clue how to lose weight and look good in shorts. Basically, I wear jeans. A while ago, I saw Bob Greene on Oprah talking about his book 20 Years Younger.  I have heard it all before. When is someone going to come up with an easier weight loss plan than diet and exercise?  We can send a man to the moon, and we can’t invent a pill that makes blueberry pie look gross to me or make a no calorie, fabulous tasting Auntie Anne’s pretzel?  Come on….I think the diet industry is in cahoots with the government.   Next week, it is back to Weight Watchers for me….I think….wait, maybe after vacation…no, then we have that party in August….soon, I promise.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Wow, F! I guess I never really thought I could say no to a weigh in at the doctor's office........oh boy, the power I now have :)

Donna, I do the exact same thing! LOL

 

[Donna K & Quincy]

BTW, I usually gain 5lbs before I start a diet by eating all the things I know I can't have once I start dieting.

[Donna K & Quincy]

@Nancy, by the time you add up the calories from eating the things you didn't want, you probably could have had what you really wanted from the start.

[Doris]

Laurie, you crack me up!!  I too wore heavy clothes for the initial weigh in and less later.  You can always weigh in with shoes (tennis shoes are HEAVY) in the beginning and flip flops later on . . . I'm starting my diet on Saturday . . . maybe!!

[F, Calla & Luca]

Unfortunately Laurie, I've circumvented your method. I politely refuse when the medical assistants ask to weigh me.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Nancy, I think you did great with your watermelon and apple and cocoa almond snacks. Sometimes, the 100 calorie chocolate pudding helps me :)

Tina, I like the way you think :)

Nina, Congrats. on the 10 pounds. I think that is great. I can tell you where it went...I found it :) The only thing that works for me is the public humiliation of getting weighed by another human being. I am not sure on line would get the same results for me.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Man, you really know how to spoil desert!!! I was trying to figure out how to satisfy my sweet tooth for no calories. I don't have any desert stuff in the house. Why? Because I am dieting and trying to re-lose the weight I gained from Christmas, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter and end of the school year stress. But I WANT something sweet.  So I ate watermelon. I ate an apple. I ate the 100-calorie cocoa almonds snack.  I still want something sweet!  I guess I will just have to go to bed hungry..... whine, whine, whine....

[Tina, Clover, Plus 5 More]

I haven't read the other comments yet but here is a few of my thoughts. 

I like food and drink and it likes me.  

The figure I had in my thirties will never make a return visit. 

The older I get the larger the number is on the scale. 

Fat skin always looks better when tan. 

If I'm going to be fat at least I can have great hair, shoes and purse. 

Now that I'm a second time around Mom and owned by wonderful dogs, having great hair no longer happens.  My addiction to shoes and purses I'm not willing to give up yet.  Life is just to short I need to enjoy while I can.

[Nina, Phil, Harlow & Lacey]

I started WW for the first time and am doing it online.  So far I have lost 10 pounds which puts where I was when I was pregnant with my baby... who is 21 now. :-}

 

@ Dori, Your dinner is too tempting.  Thanks heavens I am allergic to beef or my dieting attempt would be lost before it started.

@ Jane - I think we'd have a lot of members in the group...especially if you included those who also experience their own "personal tropical moments". ;)

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Linda.

Anna, We will start the diet later...LOL!!