How to Lose Weight and Look Good in Shorts!! A Must Read for Dog Walkers!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 

As promised, I have been giving a lot of thought to this blog. Summer for me means I have to pull out last years shorts and make sure they still fit. It is always a crap shoot and could go either way. For years, I have been saying the extra pounds are due to the baby weight I put on when I was pregnant, but my baby is 25 now and people are starting to question that theory.  All last year, I promised myself I would lose weight for my DD’s wedding, but I was also keeping my stress levels down with an almost daily trip to Auntie Anne’s Pretzels so I probably broke even at the wedding. This year I have no excuse, but every Saturday I still wake up and think next week I promise I will start back on Weight Watchers.

 

I am a veteran Weight Watchers attendee. Over the years I have joined and quit so many times, that one time the lady weighing me asked if I even needed the literature for that week.  Usually, I start off by trying to attend the meetings, but then I get irritated by the over sharers of the group who want to tell you about how their husband did this and they had a hot fudge sundae or their boss yelled at them and they had a Twinkie and frankly, I don’t care. A couple of times I have thought about shouting, “Get a therapist already, but then I see my daughter giving me the stink eye and I vow to keep my mouth shut for another week.”  I am sorry to be so mean, but I just find it so rude for people to be talking while I am trying to calculate in my head if eating an entire box of Weight Watchers Peanut Butter cookies during the meeting is going to blow my points for the week.

 

The last time I joined my daughter decided to join with me. This was her first time going and I tried to offer her some motherly advice based on my success of losing and regaining the same pounds over and over again.  My first tip was to add one inch to her height thus making her goal weight higher. Genius, if I do say so myself. Next, I almost choked when I saw what she was wearing to the first weigh in…jogging pants and a short sleeve shirt. I told her to go change and put on a pair of boots, jeans, sweater, and a down jacket. I could see I had my work cut out for me when she mentioned that it was July and wouldn’t she be overdressed? Duh…that is the point. I told her layering was her best friend at a weigh in and next week, we would lose the down jacket and boots and no matter how successful we were with the diet that week, we would, for sure, lose weight. After all my help and tips, she said she wasn’t going to change her clothes, because she thought my way was cheating. Raising two daughters has taught me to pick my battles, so I just said, “Do it your way, Honest Abe, but my way works even if weigh in does get slightly x-rated after week four.” All she said was she thought at week five, she might switch to a different meeting.

 

Another thing my family has learned over the years is to give me my space when I am dieting. Because starving does not agree with me, I can get a little testy and start saying things that could hurt feelings. After sitting down to another chicken with broccoli dinner one night, I have to give my DH props for trying to be upbeat and saying everything looked wonderful, Between my gagging and complaining about the food, I did manage to spit out, “I guess it might look good if you were a member of the Donner party and it was this or Larry’s arm.”  So, he switched to bad cop and told me I was being dramatic and healthy eating would improve my life.  I felt like knocking him over the head with a can of Progresso Light soup, but instead I said, “When is the last time someone tuned you up?” After that he said he thought I should lay off The Real Housewives of New Jersey TV show while I was dieting.  

 

Most of you can see by now, I have no clue how to lose weight and look good in shorts. Basically, I wear jeans. A while ago, I saw Bob Greene on Oprah talking about his book 20 Years Younger.  I have heard it all before. When is someone going to come up with an easier weight loss plan than diet and exercise?  We can send a man to the moon, and we can’t invent a pill that makes blueberry pie look gross to me or make a no calorie, fabulous tasting Auntie Anne’s pretzel?  Come on….I think the diet industry is in cahoots with the government.   Next week, it is back to Weight Watchers for me….I think….wait, maybe after vacation…no, then we have that party in August….soon, I promise.

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

Well I am what you would call a young one, but it is still hard keeping my belly flat.  I like wine too much :) :) :)

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

@ Nina - Damn "the change"!!!  My whole life, I've been the skinny one.  I could eat almost anything and never gained weight.  Well, "the change" changed all that!  Now I've got this nice little ring around the middle that just won't go away. :(

 

@ Laurie - Once again, you knocked this post out of the ballpark!  

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Nina - I hear ya.   Maybe we should start the post-menapause doodle moms group!!!!  LMFAO

[Nina, Phil, Harlow & Lacey]

Laurie - I just love this post.  I am in the process of trying to loose the 30 lbs I gained after going through "the change".  I can sympathize with you.  Right now Larry's arm is sounding pretty good.

[Michele, Biscuit & Mo]

Laurie, you always have me laughing out loud.  I'm on Weight Watchers right now and struggling to stay on it.  I'm 50 years old and SICK of watching my weight.  I think there should be some kind of government entitlement program like Social Security or Medicare, where we can suddenly eat all the food we want and not gain an ounce.  You KNOW they know how to do this, but they're just keeping it from us.

 

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Laurie - can you be my new best friend?  I'm the one that was just on an extreme diet of hormone drops and 500 calories per day.  Oh yes, I did loose weight but dh finally said that if I didn't start eating - he was moving out - I had become that mean.  Lets not mention the fact that I was weak, had a racing heart beat - isn't it worth it to be thinner?  Apparently not.  I tried WW several times.  It was way too much freedom with those points and I also did the dress heavy thing and then slowly start wearing less and less. To the point where I didn't wear my watch or jewelry. Can't I just learn to accept that I'm chubby - that granny panties aren't that ugly -  that I'm happier than skinny people. In my next life - I'm coming back as Twiggy.

[sandy b]

Well, all I can say is I always love your posts. They definitely make me laugh out loud!! And your daughters are really lucky to have you as their Mom.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Julie, Thanks for the tips. I actually am finding skorts are my friend this season :)

Karen & Leslie, Would it be possible to substitute a cookie for that chicken and/or wine? I hate both..LOL!

Thanks, Lindsey. Yes, both of my daughters had no choice but to develop a sense of humor to survive!

[Julie and Maggie]

Forget the shorts and go for A-line skirts that hit just above the knee. Throw on a coordinating V or scoop neck t-shirt and you are good to go for the summer! Way more comfy too. That's my summer dressing secret.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Laurie, nobody over the age of 40 looks good in shorts, no matter what they weigh. Seriously. Aim for looking good in capris, instead.

Regarding that glass of red wine that Leslie mentioned, remember that it's also loaded with antioxidants and therefore heart healthy!