I Didn't Know Fudge was Outside!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Yesterday while driving, I was listening to Pink’s new CD and knew instantly in one of the songs, she must be singing about her husband.  The song talked about how she loved him, but wanted to slap him sometimes.  Now, mind you, I don’t condone violence in a marriage, but I definitely understand what she was trying to say.  Last night, was one of those “I really want to slap you,” nights.   Vern is back to his old habits, getting me up at night to go out and go potty.  He goes in spurts (no pun intended) and will sometimes go months sleeping through the night and then bam; he has to go out through the night.  Sometimes, Fudge elects to go outside with him.  Other nights, she doesn’t and continues to sleep.  

 

I have long since gotten used to Vern’s bathroom habits and I have come to accept the fact that moments after my husband comes to bed, Vern will come into our bedroom and need to go out.  I have missed the ending of many a show because once my husband hits the bed and turns on his Kindle, the rest of the world ceases to exist for him and that includes a 95 pound dog circling the bed. I used to turn towards John and somewhat angrily ask, “Why didn’t you take Vern out before you came to bed?” but stopped because A) he instantly goes into a self-preservation mode whenever I begin a sentence with why didn’t you and knows to deny everything and B) I didn’t want to go to jail for murder if he responded, “I didn’t know he had to go out.”  

 

It also works best if I am the last one to take the dogs out because since John is the last one to come to bed, it gives me the opportunity to turn out all the lights he forgot about, lock the door he forgot about, fill the dog’s water dish that he forgot about, and make sure no appliance he forgot about is still on.  I have told him on many occasions that if we wake up in the middle of the night to an intruder who got into the house through the door he forgot to lock, the last words he is going to hear before we are killed are, “I told you to lock that damn door.”  In my mind, Vern’s need to go out after he comes to bed may just be God’s way of looking out for us.  

 

Well, last night there was a change in plans and Vern woke us up a second time to go out.  I told John to go back to sleep and I was going to give it a minute and see if Vern fell back asleep, but as usually happens when I speak, John saw my lips move, but was unable to process what I said.  So, he got up with the dogs and in my drowsy state, I made the decision to let safety be damned and to just pay the increased electric bill if every light in his path was left on the rest of the night.  It wasn’t very long and back to bed he came and I was just drifting off to sleep again when I heard a strange barking coming from OUTSIDE the house.   It slowly registered that it was Fudge’s bark and meanwhile, Vern was barking inside the house to match the frantic outside barking.  Now, either my husband registered the bark at almost the same time I did and quickly processed that he had left Fudge outside or he saw the smoke coming from my ears, because he jumped up out of bed like he knew he was a man about to meet his maker.  The thing that really got me was he actually said, “I think Fudge is outside!” like it was one of the great mysteries of the universe.

 

Sure enough, he opened the front door and there was Fudge.  I was hot on his heels and in full panic mode when I said, “HOW COULD YOU FORGET FUDGE WAS OUTSIDE!!”  Breathe, Laurie, breathe!  For the first time in his life, he had also actually turned the outside light off, so poor Fudge was out there in the dark and seemed very happy to see us.  Luckily for him, he had a perfectly good explanation.  It turns out he didn’t even know Fudge went out when Vern had to go out.  Apparently, when he opened the large front door to let Vern out, he missed Fudge walking right by him.  I can’t tell you how much better that explanation did not make me feel.  I think even my seven year old niece could keep track of two dogs exiting the house and reentering….one dog out, two dogs out….one dog in, two dogs in. It sure isn’t Rocket Science. 

 

Fudge came back to bed with us and I like to think she wanted me to know her whereabouts in case Vern got up again.  She let John know he owed her some belly rubs for his oversight and as I was drifting off to sleep, I could feel her paw swinging in his direction every time he stopped rubbing.  I thought about taking her paw and whacking him a good one, but in the end, I was just glad to know my Chocolate Doodle was safe.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Penny, How funny!! I agree with Karen about the sitcom episode. LOL

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

LOL, Penny, that could be a sitcom episode!

[Leslie and Halas]

Penny, that's hilarious!

[Penny, Comiskey & Beemer]

Oh my gosh....I laughed till I cried all the way through your post.  BECAUSE....one night our neighbor's doodle (we suggested adding a doodle to their family) was let out by his owner at 2:00 am.  In all fairness I have to come to his defense...he had shoulder surgery and was pumped full of drugs.  BUT he forgot to let the dog back in....SO the dog came to our house, sat on the back deck and barked to come in.  My DH in all this confusion, though he had forgotten to let our dogs back in ( actually, he never let them out), went down stairs to stop the barking.  Imagine his suprise, when he opened the door to a 110 lb doodle sitting at the door instead of our little 40 lb ones.  What to do, what to do?....Leash the dog and take him back to the neighbors house...knock on the door, startle the neighbor, return the dog and hurry home before the police caught him running through the neighborhood in his jammies.  Best part is, the neighbor never told his wife this happened...boy was she suprised when we came up with this story at a party one night.

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

lol F. That's exactly how I felt. Now I have to fix that screen.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I second what F said....LOL :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

What a little bi kitty.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Oh Kitty! That taste of freedom is sooo dangerous. Be good and stay safe inside. 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Oh, oh! Penelope, you leave those screens alone!

 

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

I figured it out. What a little sh!thead she is. She clawed a hole through the screen in the window. This better not become a habit!