I Didn't Know Fudge was Outside!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Yesterday while driving, I was listening to Pink’s new CD and knew instantly in one of the songs, she must be singing about her husband.  The song talked about how she loved him, but wanted to slap him sometimes.  Now, mind you, I don’t condone violence in a marriage, but I definitely understand what she was trying to say.  Last night, was one of those “I really want to slap you,” nights.   Vern is back to his old habits, getting me up at night to go out and go potty.  He goes in spurts (no pun intended) and will sometimes go months sleeping through the night and then bam; he has to go out through the night.  Sometimes, Fudge elects to go outside with him.  Other nights, she doesn’t and continues to sleep.  

 

I have long since gotten used to Vern’s bathroom habits and I have come to accept the fact that moments after my husband comes to bed, Vern will come into our bedroom and need to go out.  I have missed the ending of many a show because once my husband hits the bed and turns on his Kindle, the rest of the world ceases to exist for him and that includes a 95 pound dog circling the bed. I used to turn towards John and somewhat angrily ask, “Why didn’t you take Vern out before you came to bed?” but stopped because A) he instantly goes into a self-preservation mode whenever I begin a sentence with why didn’t you and knows to deny everything and B) I didn’t want to go to jail for murder if he responded, “I didn’t know he had to go out.”  

 

It also works best if I am the last one to take the dogs out because since John is the last one to come to bed, it gives me the opportunity to turn out all the lights he forgot about, lock the door he forgot about, fill the dog’s water dish that he forgot about, and make sure no appliance he forgot about is still on.  I have told him on many occasions that if we wake up in the middle of the night to an intruder who got into the house through the door he forgot to lock, the last words he is going to hear before we are killed are, “I told you to lock that damn door.”  In my mind, Vern’s need to go out after he comes to bed may just be God’s way of looking out for us.  

 

Well, last night there was a change in plans and Vern woke us up a second time to go out.  I told John to go back to sleep and I was going to give it a minute and see if Vern fell back asleep, but as usually happens when I speak, John saw my lips move, but was unable to process what I said.  So, he got up with the dogs and in my drowsy state, I made the decision to let safety be damned and to just pay the increased electric bill if every light in his path was left on the rest of the night.  It wasn’t very long and back to bed he came and I was just drifting off to sleep again when I heard a strange barking coming from OUTSIDE the house.   It slowly registered that it was Fudge’s bark and meanwhile, Vern was barking inside the house to match the frantic outside barking.  Now, either my husband registered the bark at almost the same time I did and quickly processed that he had left Fudge outside or he saw the smoke coming from my ears, because he jumped up out of bed like he knew he was a man about to meet his maker.  The thing that really got me was he actually said, “I think Fudge is outside!” like it was one of the great mysteries of the universe.

 

Sure enough, he opened the front door and there was Fudge.  I was hot on his heels and in full panic mode when I said, “HOW COULD YOU FORGET FUDGE WAS OUTSIDE!!”  Breathe, Laurie, breathe!  For the first time in his life, he had also actually turned the outside light off, so poor Fudge was out there in the dark and seemed very happy to see us.  Luckily for him, he had a perfectly good explanation.  It turns out he didn’t even know Fudge went out when Vern had to go out.  Apparently, when he opened the large front door to let Vern out, he missed Fudge walking right by him.  I can’t tell you how much better that explanation did not make me feel.  I think even my seven year old niece could keep track of two dogs exiting the house and reentering….one dog out, two dogs out….one dog in, two dogs in. It sure isn’t Rocket Science. 

 

Fudge came back to bed with us and I like to think she wanted me to know her whereabouts in case Vern got up again.  She let John know he owed her some belly rubs for his oversight and as I was drifting off to sleep, I could feel her paw swinging in his direction every time he stopped rubbing.  I thought about taking her paw and whacking him a good one, but in the end, I was just glad to know my Chocolate Doodle was safe.

[Janie, Jackson and Jilly]

Thank goodness Fudge stayed put and waited by the door! Thank goodness for the barking! OMD

[F, Calla & Luca]

I will tell my brother about the pontoon boat.

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Oh Man Mike would be dead meat, then I would be sorry I yelled because once I yell I can't use it against him when I need it!

Good thing Fudge would have none of the "leave me outside" nonsense.

[Carol and Banjo]

Just thinking it might be good if John's sister could let him know a pontoon ride with his wife anytime soon may not be advisable.

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Holy doodle - we have a no doodle left behind motto at our house but I can see how this could happen.  Rooney would be like Fudge and demand to be let back in.  Stuart - like I suspect Vern would be - would have some fun.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I sometimes wonder how our DHs get through life...clueless wonders that they are.  Poor Fudge!  I can't believe she actually walked right past him without him realizing it.  I have learned to "bite my tongue" with anything to do with taking the boys out at night.....because  I wouldn't want my DH to say....so you think you can do a better job....go ahead.  LOL

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Just to clarify, JD stayed on the brick sidewalk inside the yard and did not take advantage of the open gate, thank Dog! He is just like Vern!

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

F, Sophie has gotten herself into the exact same predicament more than once. However, unlike Calla, she makes a big wimpering fuss, so I can always find her. I can only imagine your panick, I know I would freak out too. And I agree, unless they are in my room with me at night I can't rest easy.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, I am sending your brother to you. I see the "forgetting the dog" runs in the family :) That feeling when you have lost a dog is awful. Fudge has done it to me several times and it is the worst feeling in the world. The time she jumped off the boat almost caused us to have a heart attack. I really did not think we would find her. I have had both dogs get stuck in a room behind a closed door. I guess it is good she is not a barker, but it seems like she could make an exception.

Camilla, Thank you. I agree :)

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Poor Fudge! I'm glad she barked and that Vern was looking out for her. I think Sophie would have wimpered and cried but Winston wouldn't have said a thing. I almost forgot him in the yard today. He didn't want to come in with Sophie and I so I let him be for a bit. Then as I was rushing to get out the door, I went to say my usual goodbyes to the doodles, noticed Winnie was missing and figured he'd gone back up to bed. Then I went to lock up the back door and noticed it was still wide open and only then remembered he was still out there. Poor Pooh Bear, I would have felt so awful if I left him outside all day!