I Need a Hallmark Movie Kind of New Year!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Every year at this time I get a little sad, but not for reasons most people would think.  Sure the holidays are over and I have to put everything away, but that’s not it, although I do hate that job.  For a couple of months now, I have spent almost every night going to bed with a Hallmark Christmas movie and now it’s all over.  Yes, my name is Laurie and I am addicted to Hallmark Holiday movies.  I know some people complain about Christmas coming too soon in stores and on television, but nothing makes me happier than the Hallmark channel’s countdown to Christmas.  The thought of twelve original movies combined with all the movies I have seen over the years almost puts me in a state of ecstasy.  I can recite most of the plots of the movies I have seen over the years and my family continually accuses me of caring more about these Hallmark families than I do about them.  That all started when Hayley called home one night and I started telling her I was getting ready to watch this movie about this amazing aunt who ran away with her niece and nephew after their mom ended up in jail and how the aunt was afraid the kids would be placed in foster homes and Hayley rudely interrupted to tell me she had a flat tire. I guess the proper response was not, "I'm not a car mechanic. You need to call Triple A." because now she tells everyone she should have called Aunt Val. I told her later she missed a great movie, but she didn't seem to care. Hey, what can I say? I already admitted I have a problem. The other thing that happens is after watching a month or two of movies; I start to blur the lines between reality and fantasy and start wondering what is wrong with my real family.

 

It starts with our Christmas card.  In my mind, I see one big happy family posing for shot after shot and shouting “we love each other” to further authenticate the moment.  What I get are opinions and recommendations until I find myself shouting, “We are doing it my way!” while they counter with, “what else is new?” This year I suggested we line all four dogs up, plop Santa hats on their heads, and start shooting photos.  Someone else suggested we line me up, plop a Santa hat on my head, and start shooting and they didn’t mention anything about using a camera.  John said it would be even better if we plopped a reindeer hat on my head, pointed me in the direction of the farmer’s field, and yelled, “dead deer walking,” and see if any of the local hunters took notice. They all seemed to think it would be hysterical to watch me zig zag and run with a funny hat on my head.

 

I also suggested we jazz up our photo this year and make a human pyramid in the shape of a Christmas tree and decorate ourselves with tinsel, lights, and ornaments and right away someone asked who was going to be on the top.  They didn’t actually say my name, but they looked me up and down and then said, “certain people should be the base so the rest of us don’t end up in the emergency room trying to explain how we all broke our backs,” Well, that prompted John to say he knew I wouldn’t want to be on top, because I still thought Kama Sutra was some kind of Indian soup and in between all the cries of “gross and yuck,” I told him he should have married Olga Korbut if he wanted a gymnast in the bedroom.  Sometimes, I walk right into it, because then my family started saying he must have married Olga’s sister, Ima Bigbut, and finally I said we would just put a couple of funny sweaters and hats on and call it a day.   I have never seen one Hallmark movie where any of this stuff happens to some poor mom just trying to get a photo for a Christmas card.

I had taken to watching these movies in another bedroom, because the only one who shares my love for these movies is Hayley and she goes to bed early.  I can’t stand watching these movies with John because he thinks they are all sappy.   While I am tearing up because some poor widow is going to miss out on true love because of feelings of guilt, he is saying stuff like, “he wants her to hold his ornaments….if she looks down after that hug, she will be able to see the South Pole….she just put his elf on the shelf,” until I want to hit him and I don’t think that is the emotion Hallmark is looking for when they produce their movies.  One night when I said I probably would be sleeping in the other room because there were some awesome movies running back to back until the wee hours of the morning, he asked if any of them were about a married woman who constantly told two dogs that they were the best thing that ever happened to her in front of her beleaguered family.  I had to think a minute because I know there have been lots of dog Holiday movies, but I finally answered,  “no, I don’t think so, but I bet those two dogs are awesome and don’t ask dumb questions when someone is trying to watch a Hallmark movie.”  I then went on to further explain that one of the movies on that night was called Trading Christmas and was about two women who trade places and find romance in their new location and end up staying there and he said that sounded like his kind of movie and a true Christmas miracle.

 

Not to beat a dead horse when talking about this stuff, but don’t get me started on Christmas morning.  All the Hallmark movies I’ve seen, the main characters always get their wish and celebrate with loved ones and everybody ends up happy.  At my house, I opened up a beautiful piece of Polish Pottery that Megan got me and before I had time to ooh and awe over it, she told Hayley she got it back when I died.  This prompted a discussion about who got what upon my demise until I finally said, “am I invisible?” and one of them said, “if your hair is sticking up in all the wrong places and your bra appears to have given up, then we can see you,” and they all started laughing.  When John opened up a beautiful photo blanket that Megan and Doc gave him with the heading All Great Dads get promoted to Grandfathers, before he had time to savor it, Megan launched into a story about how when she told me what she was giving him, I said I had better get something to top that gift saying I was the best grandma.  After that, it seemed like John spent more time than necessary mentioning how cold he was and asking me to pass him his fancy blanket.  Finally, Hayley made Megan and me the most adorable canvas paintings with Archer’s footprints in green and decorated to look like “Mistletoes”.  It really was one of my favorite gifts until I happened to mention I wished my mom had done one for me of my feet that I could have passed down to them and someone said, “mom, I think in your case, your mom would have had to do a panoramic painting.”   Is it any wonder I love Fudge and Vern so much?  Even in a Hallmark movie, dogs are special. 

 

I am almost afraid to turn on channel 137 and see what’s on now on that channel.  I don’t get the same feelings about Valentine’s movies and have never seen a countdown to Easter, Memorial Day, or the Fourth of July.  No, along with the Christmas decorations I have to put away this month, I also have to put away the fantasy life I live each year during the Hallmark countdown to Christmas.  I’ll get over it. I always do, but it seems to get harder every year. 

P.S. Have a Happy New Year!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Cathy!!

Thanks, Leslie!

BG and Leslie, LOL....Archer's cuteness did me in again :) Thank you!

Donna, LOL...your DH sounds like John :) Maybe the Hallmark movies are the reason I can't remember a thing anymore :)

[Cathy, Fozzie & Shaggy]

Great blog Laurie!!  I'm not a huge fan of sappy Hallmark movies, but there were a few that were cute because of the canine characters.   Absolutely adorable picture of Archer!

[Leslie and Halas]

Hilarious as usual!

[BG and Gavin]

Sorry, but I saw the cute picture of baby Archer at the bottom and just forgot everything you said lol.  He is adorable!!  Happy Hallmark New Year Laurie!

[Leslie, Yogi & Maci Bear]

I think your blog must have been entertaining, but I forgot it all once I got to the end and saw your beautiful baby

[Bonnie and Kona]

OMD! Donna! Brain cell leakage is something I most assuredly cannot afford! I might have to watch some scientific documentaries to try to offset those Hallmark Christmas movies!!!

[Donna K & Quincy]

LOL, nothing says Merry Christmas like your children anticipating your demise. I did tell my parents that if they didn't use the electric blanket I got them for Christmas I was taking it back next year. Laurie, I do understand your addiction to Hallmark movies. I watched so many sappy, hokey, poorly acted Christmas movies that I'm pretty sure I've killed some brain cells that I can ill afford to lose. Of course I had to record them and watch them alone because if there isn't a shooting, stabbing or sex scene in the first five minutes it doesn't interest DH. :>)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, I can't think of one thing better than a Christmas movie, EXCEPT watching them with Tim. OMD....that would be great. I also seem to remember he loves Home Alone and so do I. Tell him I would watch Bad Santa....I've never seen it. LOL I put Bad Grandpa in John's stocking this year. You know what....I have never seen Elf from start to finish.

Gail, Thank you :) Glad you didn't spray coffee...LOL. My family's Christmas movie would probably be R rated.

Bonnie, Thank you. No one is jab free at our house :) LOL I already miss the movies, but luckily they had a couple of new ones this weekend and Hayley and I watched one I purchased :)

Lonnie, Thank you!  How nice that you get to watch them with a granddaughter. I bet she loves it, too.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Laurie, I wish you lived closer. Tim is a HUGE fan of XMAS movies...all of them....Dave and I not so much. We could just send him over to watch with you. We do "suck it up" a few times each Christmas season and have family Christmas movie time. We generally opt for the comedies although we did draw the line on "Bad Santa" when Tim suggested this would be a good one for the family....we compromised on Elf which was actually pretty funny.

[Gail and Bailey]

Funny blog, Laurie!  Almost sprayed coffee all over my computer while reading about the Indian soup and Ima Bigbutt!!   The photo of Archer is beyond fantastic!!!!!!!!  He is the cutest ever.... and you are an amazing photographer!!  Sorry to say that I am just with you on the Hallmark movies.......unless it was staring your family!