Laurie, Fudge, and Vern say Just Say No to Coffee and Impatient People will be Happier!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lately, I have found that I am becoming increasingly resentful of a kitchen appliance and the drink that it produces.

 

For years now, I have had a love/hate relationship with coffee. Mostly, I hate coffee, but love some people who drink the stuff.   In my lifetime, I have known many coffee drinkers and actually was raised by two pros. I spent my formative years watching my dad and mom sip cup after cup of coffee.  There is no beverage that I drink that I could ever imagine having three or more cups at a time and I have no desire to have a steaming cup of anything in 90-degree weather.  My main beef with coffee is it takes too long to drink. I feel like my life is passing before my eyes as the person with me savors every last drippy drop.  I have always been an impatient person and good at multi-tasking and have thought about patenting a coffee maker/toilet paper dispenser for the bathroom, so my husband, and others like him, could kill two birds with one stone, so to speak.  I also don’t want to be behind the person in line ordering a coffee drink that involves steaming milk, dotted cinnamon, or whipped cream.  By the time it takes to make that drink, I could birth a baby.

 

I should probably be in therapy for my coffee aversion problem and I can tell you it dates back to dinners out with my family.  My family went out to dinner every Friday night when I was younger. I was a tomboy and usually allotted 5 minutes per meal, and that included all drinks, before I had to get back outside to play, so dinner out at a restaurant, even with just a regular meal seemed long and arduous.  Combine this with parents who thought no meal was over until coffee was served and you have one unhappy tomboy. Every week I was hopeful that they would forget about the coffee, but just when I thought I might be safe that waitress would swing by and tempt them with a pot of coffee and sure enough, they would succumb.  She never seemed to notice my murderous glances in her direction and a couple of times when she asked me if she could get me something, I thought about answering, “Yes, parents that don’t drink coffee,” but I never did.

 

To this day, my mom has a panic attack if she takes one sip of her coffee and no one comes immediately by to replenish her cup. You could be telling her you just had the most amazing life experience and she will look up and say, “Where is that waitress? My coffee is getting cold. I hope she can brew me a new pot.” I have asked her before why she just doesn’t bring her own thermos, but usually at this point in the conversation she is yelling, “Yoo Hoo!” to nobody in particular and swinging her coffee cup high up in the air.  When she starts doing this, it has always been my policy to excuse myself and go to the restroom and start popping Tylenol.

 

This addiction runs in the family, because my two sisters love their coffee. When I drove home to Indiana with two friends, my middle sister, and my daughter for my other daughter’s wedding shower, before the trip even started, my sister told me that she loves to stop for coffee along the Turnpike.  I explained to her that this was going to be a different kind of trip…the kind of trip where I drive like a NASCAR driver so we can get home in 9 hours and the person up front yells “mommy” a lot when I am switching lanes.  When she said again, “Will we be stopping for coffee?” it quickly became clear to me that she was going to be my weak link in the 9 hour plan and I realized I either had to “accidentally” leave her at the first rest stop sipping her Starbucks coffee or try to enlist the other three passenger’s help in a game of “Pin the Depends” on my sister. Luckily, she complied with the driver’s rules and despite her screaming “I need caffeine NOW!” as we drove by rest stop after rest stop, and one minor incident where we think we saw her hold up a sign to the car next to us that read, “I am being held against my will. Please call a coffee Barista!” we all survived.

 

As fate sometimes does, it played a dirty trick on me.  I married a non-coffee drinker who became a diehard coffee drinker.   I am so mad I did not think to put “forsaking all coffee drinks, until death do us part” in our vows and because of that one oversight, my DoodleKisses time is being infringed upon daily.  Every day, I make my husband’s coffee. Call me an enabler, if you will, but if I didn’t do this chore, I would be writing a blog about how messy coffee drinkers can be when making their own coffee. We used to have a Mr. Coffee machine that I could set up in no time in the morning for the next day’s brew. Unfortunately, that was not good enough for Juan Valdez and now we have a combination bean grinder/coffee machine that takes three times the amount of work as the old Mr. Coffee.  The beans have to be mixed half decaf and half regular, parts have to be meticulously washed every day, and the tight seal the lid forms on the heating carafe can only be broken by me if I am willing to start taking Human Growth Hormones.

 

 All this time making coffee is keeping me off DK in the mornings and I guess it has forced me to start taking short cuts.  Last week, I just threw some beans in the dispenser without measuring them, because I was in a hurry to see if the new caption contest had started, and later played dumb when my DH commented that he thought coffee was supposed to be a liquid, not a solid. This weekend, in search of a solution I purchased a Keurig coffee machine. I hate to cook, but I love appliances and this machine was fun. I can even make hot chocolate in it and it is so simple and quick, I expect some day to come out of my bedroom and find Vern and Fudge having a cup of Joe. With great anticipation, I made a cup for my husband and asked him if it was as good as his bean coffee maker. Sadly, he shook his head no, but said, “It’s not bad.” I feel this is a victory of sorts and somewhere there is a compromise brewing.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jennifer, I try to tell him how important my time on DK is, but he still wants his coffee :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Nancy, I actually did just get him the Emeril Bold yesterday. He likes it close to the consistency of tar...LOL!

Ricki, I love your joke. I need to remember that and tell Juan Valdez next time he "forgets" to make his own darn coffee on the weekends. I also love how you are remembering to LOL :)

Donna, I have never heard of Timmies! I hope the new machine works out, or I am out a boatload of money:)

Bonnie, That sounds like a great idea. Thank you!! It will save on the Depends money too...LOL!

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Amy, I have to agree with you as I do like the smell of coffee, just can't stomach the taste. You are right...it does leave more room for the doodles :)

Nicky, Wow....you had a murderous coffee machine :) Tea is another drink I wish I liked, but can't stand. It just seems like a soothing drink, but I would have to put so much sugar in it to get a cup down it is not worth it for me. LOL. Thank you!

Joanne, LOL....I knew you would weigh in about coffee because I seem to remember you have a special mug and everything. My coffee stunts your growth...my mom always told me it was cigarettes...haha!

[Amy, Cubbie & Ollie]

Laurie, that was just too funny.  I worked as a barista (AKA fancy coffee maker person) while in college and I was always amazed at how cranky people get about their coffee.  I can't stand the stuff but do like the smell of it (unless of course the smell had saturated my clothing and hair from a shift at the coffee shop.  Gotta love that special coffee perfume that came with the job.)  At least by being an enabler you are saving yourself some money.  Just think, your husband could be going out for coffee everyday and spending valuable money that is better spent on buying doodle stuff!!

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

I am a reformed coffee addict. I used to drink at least 10 cups of the hard stuff and was so cranky when at coffee shops I was handed an inferior brew.  I can't quite pinpoint the end of the affair but perhaps it started when I put my very expensive Italian coffee machine on a shelf in the airing cupboard.  Whilst rummaging for something in said same cupboard I accidentally pulled the hanging plug and pulled the machine down on top of my head.  It was a lucky escape and hit me hard nearly knocking me out.  One big bump on my head and consigned the machine to a charity shop.  I have been drinking Rooibos (redbush) tea from then on!  

Great story Laurie, love it!

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

As my short little legs are propped up on the ottoman because they don't reach the floor in any chair--ever, sipping my 10th cup of fresh ground coffee,and  reading your blog my first thought is, " Wow.  Maybe this is why she became so tall (envious) and I am so short?"

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

We have one and we love it!!!!  I used to be a tea only person but, like your DH, I succumbed to the dark side.  I prefer flavored coffees and my DH prefers bold and black.  Now we can both have it our way (gee what other commercial should I quote?). Buy your hubby Emeril Bold if it is pure dark coffee he likes.

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

LOL! I'm with you Laurie! No coffee for this girl!! And as for who does  the brewing...well..I found this information on line so it must be true!

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife says, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband says, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says: "Hebrews" (He Brews).

[Donna K & Quincy]

My son is off to Tim Horton's to buy his dad a coffee card for his birthday! DH is a die hard coffee drinker but not at home. I think this is likely his motto.

While I do drink coffee occassionally, I am not getting in a line up for it.

Good luck with that new coffee machine, DH tried it but it doesn't compare to his Timmies.

[Bonnie and Kona]

I'm dying laughing. Thank you again, Laurie. Hot tip for the next time you have to travel with your sister or parents. Buy them some chocolate covered coffee beans. They'll get their caffeine addiction satisfied but won't have to make a mad dash to the pit stop. Honest. It works. ;o)