My Husband Has a New Girlfriend! Her Name is iPad 2!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Well, Christmas is over in our house for another year and this year, I made a big mistake.  The girls and I chipped in together and got my husband an iPad 2 or as my mother said, “some new fangled thing that she will never understand.” 

From the moment he opened that gift, I have come to understand what it must feel like to be one of the first three wives on the show Sister Wives when the newer, younger, more attractive, fourth wife showed up to vie for their husband’s attention.  Sure, it might have seemed like a good idea at the time and then reality sets in and you realize that younger model is getting all the attention you spent years earning.  This is exactly what happened to me as I got caught up in Black Friday madness and didn’t really think it all through.

This little gadget is advertised as being amazingly thin and light and packed with so many features it is hard to put down. It also offers a powerful performance that keeps on going.  As far as I am concerned, it sounds like a trophy wife to me and I pushed my husband right into her playful applications. 

I am not selling myself short, but I did once ask my husband if he thought of me as his trophy wife and he started laughing and wanted to know what kind of contest he had won.  Apple also says the iPad gets better with every app and there are over 140,000 apps available.  We have been married for a very long time and the last time I was brave enough to look down in the shower “better” was not the first adjective I came up with to describe what I saw and the only thing I have 140,000 of is hot flashes and mood swings and that is on a good day.  So, there is really no way I can compete with anything that offers that much fun and stimulation. 

 

My biggest regret was that I gave it to him on Christmas Eve and his fascination with his new gift caused him to miss most of what was happening on Christmas Day.  While the rest of us were excitedly exchanging gifts and oohing and aahing over our stuff, he was sitting in his recliner gazing at his new girlfriend.  He missed the moment when I handed my daughter and son-in-law a specially wrapped package and told them it was their big gift and it turned out to be the Doodle Calendar.  The first Christmas our son-in-law spent with us I asked him for his Christmas wish list and I knew right away I did not raise him when the list contained 4 items totaling $20.  My oldest daughter’s list resembles a Congressman’s expense account and she thinks unlimited funds are available to meet her demands. I have tried explaining on Christmas morning that Santa wants to retire before age 80 and Mrs. Claus has needs too, but all she says is, “I am ready for my next gift, please.  We can chit chat later.”  

 

It turns out, people who are expecting great things when they hear the words, “big gift!” can feel slightly misled when they open a Doodle calendar. I, myself, do not feel I misrepresented, and when I asked my husband to back me up on this point, I could tell by his confused look that he missed the whole calendar debacle that unfolded right before his eyes.  He did add, though, that his iPad had the ability to sync multiple calendars, which caused my mom to mention for the 50^th time that she was too old to understand all this “new stuff” and hoped the good Lord took her soon and me to ask him if his new toy also had the ability to sync human affection or predict whether or not his love life was going to take a big hit if he sync’d one more thing during Christmas. He said to hold on while he checked for that application.  

 

We are boring people and on New Year’s Eve you will always find us at home. Each year it seems we go out earlier and earlier and this year it was for breakfast. Our biggest tradition is that we say every year to our daughters that we are staying in and hoping some balls drop around here and they say back, “gross.” Some years, I have fallen asleep before the clock strikes midnight, but this year, I was awake and that was partly due to Vern who thought the fireworks outside meant he should jump on and off the bed and alert me to the noises outside.  He is very thoughtful that way. I wanted Vern to see that there was nothing to fear, so we all went outside to watch the fireworks. There were amazing displays all around us and I looked over at my husband only to see that he was missing everything lighting up around us, including Vern playing his own version of Freeze Tag whenever a loud boom went off, because he was holding his iPad in the air towards the sky.  Apparently, he was trying out a new application called Night Sky that makes it easy to identify the planets and constellations.  So, as the dogs and I were ringing in the New Year in the traditional way, he was announcing that he had just found Jupiter.  I couldn’t resist when I answered back, “Happy New Year!  Now, try and find Uranus next."

 

I guess I have to take full responsibility for giving him the means to “check out” from time to time with life around him.  I mean, who wouldn’t want a partner/friend that comes with a mute button and an on/off switch.  Think of the possibilities.  Meanwhile, he has just purchased a set of earphones and I have to be careful that he isn’t wearing them when I go to tell him a story.  After all, I know he doesn’t want to miss out on everything.

 

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

He needs to go to the app store and download the Kindle app.  It's free.  Then he can download anything that he has on his kindle onto the ipad.  It will work on iphones too.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Bonnie, Thank you for feeling my pain :) He hates talking on the phone, so I am not sure that would appeal to him...LOL!! I agree about the Doodle calendar. I did raise an ungrateful DD :)

Donna, I did tell him to put DK on his iPad and he said he thought he already did, but I did not see any proof :) Hopefully, he does not read Joanne's comments about wanting to play with him Angry Birds or I might be in trouble....LOL!! I say get an iPad....you deserve it, however, you should just enter some contest, because you seem to be winning lately :)

Linda, I am going to ask my DH if he tried transferring any of his Kindle books to the iPad. I will let you know.

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

Laurie..there is a Kindle app you can put on the ipad that will let you read all the kindle books.  I have never tried to buy a book, download it to the mac and then see if it can be downloaded to the Kindle.  Interesting idea.  Maybe someone else knows.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Joanne, OMD....I just laughed out loud and I mean laughed out loud. Priceless!! I will tell him he has a date if he downloads Words with Friends. He has never played before, so it might be an easy win for you :) John can be your new friend...LOL!!

[Donna K & Quincy]

Laurie, I think you may soon find yourself involved in a love triangle especially if you add DK to DH's Ipad. I think I may have to get DH one so he will stop giving me the evil eye for all the time I spend on DK.

All that free time to DK and write blogs sounds like a win, win situation to me.

I'm going to have to do some investigating on that Ipad, I think it would make an excellent retirement gift to myself. Of course I do have a birthday in a couple of months as well.........Happy Birthday to me.   :>)

@ Jane, They don't call Blackberries, Crackberries for nothing.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Oh and hey, John.  The game " Words with Friends" is rather BORING.   There are so many good apps and that is not one of them.  Play it once and you will really wonder, " what was Alex thinking??"   Seriously

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Did that  last comment sound like, I HAVE NO FRIENDS? LOL

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Tell John, I play Words with Friends   :)  I always play alone but..............  I may make time for him  HA! I think he could kick my butt in the game.

For You, Laurie

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Carol, The good thing about my husband is he encourages me to have other activities....LOL. I think he loves that I have DK. Less time for us to bond...LOL!!

Leslie, I got him a Kindle last year and he loves that too. He has always purchased books in the past, but seems ok with having them just on his Kindle now. I was really surprised by how happy he was with the Kindle. I think it is a great invention :)

Camilla, It seem to have affected several people the same way :)

Linda, My DH said we can just start getting books at the Library too. I downloaded my first one last night and am trying the Kindle out and so far, I really like it. How neat that we can loan books too. Right now, I only have one to loan....LOL!! This is probably stupid, but can you loan books from an iPad to a Kindle?

Lisa, Daisy must have cost a fortune :)

Joanne, I laughed all through all of your comments. Yes, his name is John. I told him about Angry Birds tonight and he asked about Words with Friends. Next, he will be getting kicked off airplanes like Alec Baldwin. I like the Apps to body parts idea. It sounds like if he tried that idea, I would look less like an Angry Bird...LOL!!

[Bonnie and Kona]

Oh Laurie, You poor girl, unappreciative children and over-appreciative husband. There is no winning. A doodle calendar should have been the highlight of the gift-giving and your DH ruined it by thinking his iPad 2 was the cat's meow. Bummer! Just be glad you didn't get him the iPhone 4S. It has a woman named "Siri" inside that talks to men and answers all of their questions. It's really creepy. (But I can't wait to get one someday!) Um, Joanne the naked behind plexiglass comment may have been a little too graphic...