My Husband is Never Going Away Again for the Weekend! What are the Odds it Would Snow??

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

My husband is out of town for the weekend. He is being a good uncle and went to see our nephew (his godson) play football in one of his last games as a senior in high school.  I actually was happy that he got a chance to go and Thursday when he left, I was even counting down the minutes until he departed for the airport.  It wasn’t that I wouldn’t miss him, but all morning on Thursday, he was in my way. I went in the kitchen to make my oatmeal and there he sat on MY seat sipping that darn coffee. Next, I tried to get in the bathroom twice to take my shower and both times he was still in there, which can mean a couple of things and neither of them is good. Either I am going to need the Industrial strength Glade Tough Odor Solutions Spray or the heat he is generating in the shower, by using all of the hot water, has caused him to lapse into a relaxed state where time has no meaning.

 

My husband rarely travels, but when he does, I consider it sort of a mini vacation. I don’t have to think about cooking dinner, although he will tell you “think” is mostly what I do when it comes to cooking. I think about how to get out of doing it, but even that gets old after a while.  I can read in bed until all hours of the night or at least until 11:00 pm when I usually start dozing off.   If I want to take up his half of the bed with my books, magazines, the phone, my purse, or the remote control, no one comes to bed and says, “would you mind clearing your desk off, so I can get under the covers?’ right when I am in the middle of something good.

 

What almost always happens during my “mini vacations” is something goes wrong in a BIG way.  I consider myself a very independent woman and would have no problem driving cross-country, by myself, in a reliable car, but ask me to open a bottle of medicine with a child safety lock and we have a problem.  I have recently resorted to buying my Advil with the new Arthritis caps because they just unscrew. When I hang a picture, I use the old eyeball technique. My method results in more holes in the wall, but I find it is faster than watching a man with a level, stud finder, pencil, and ruler trying to find the exact location to put the nail. Pound the nail already is what I say! I mow the grass, but if the mower runs out of gas, I cannot figure out to make the gas can work. In the old days, you just poured it right into the mower, but my husband has a new one that you have to push something and pull something and unlock something and by the time I figure it out I have gas running down my pant legs into my shoes. I would say a prayer and light a candle, but I am afraid that would be the end of me.

 

We moved into our house in 2004 and the thermostat is so complicated, you have to have a PhD in Air Conditioning and Heating systems to figure it out. Even the last technician we had come to the house asked to see the manual.  What this means is that my husband is the only one who knows how to operate our temperature settings.  He has tried to show me, but usually I hear the word “Programmable” and his voice gets fuzzy. He has come home from work to find me in my bra and underwear fanning myself vigorously with the latest edition of his Velo News and he knows instantly to turn the thermostat down, unless he wants me to walk around like that all night. All this can work in his favor too, because he can avoid some repairs by convincing me it is not that serious. For years, any time we had a leak anywhere, he would tell me it was condensation, until one time I had the condensation up to my ankles and told him that did not seem right.

 

Because my husband knows all this about me, naturally he is the first one I blame when he is gone and something goes wrong. This time two things happened. Our weather has gotten much colder. Earlier this month, when it was warmer, I had been walking the dogs up at the park. The last time we went I pulled twelve ticks off of Vern and we stopped going.  I have come a long way with ticks from the first time I discovered one under my daughter’s arm and screamed hysterically for quite awhile until someone had to slap me to bring me back to my senses. Not really, but I certainly did not send my daughter the message that everything would be fine and mommy had it all under control, when I was shrieking, “YOU HAVE A TICK. WHAT DO I DO?” over and over again.  I decided yesterday since the temperatures had dropped so dramatically that the ticks had all probably left to winter in Florida and it was safe to go back to the park. Unfortunately, my reasoning proved incorrect and my daughter, known around these parts as Doomsday Dana (what DD really stands for in my blogs), did all but ring a bell each and every time she spotted a tick on Vern or Fudge.  I kept telling her I preferred the “Don’t Look, Don’t Tell” policy regarding ticks and that way I could sleep easier in a total, peaceful state of denial, but she continued to call for me to help.

 

The next bad thing to happen and I kept asking myself, “what are the odds?” is we had a winter storm in October.  I didn’t even get the 5000 leaves blown off of the driveway, because I can’t operate the leaf blower, and now my incompetence at operating the snow blower rears its ugly head. Of course, the first thing my daughter said when she got up was that they were calling for power outages which, for me, is the equivalent of announcing the world is coming to an end that day and automatically pushes my blood pressure to stroke level.  Plus, everyone knows, once you say it out loud it is going to happen. Looking around to see what we needed to get us through an outage, I realized we were out of bottled water and we decided to run to the store before the roads got much worse. Mind you, I was out the night before at the Hallmark store, but it never crossed my mind to stock up on supplies for a Nor’easter when I could buy Christmas wrapping paper and a cute picture frame for one of Fudge and Vern’s pictures instead. What happened next was one of the most harrowing moments in my life and the weekend only continued to get worse!

 

To find out what happened, stay tuned for part two.

 

Nothing says Halloween like snow:

Fudge and Vern Seem Very Upset About the Snow:

Don't Worry Guys! I'm Right Here!!

Look at the limbs bending on our tree!!

 

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

I can see how worried Fudge and Vern were about the snow!  There are certain things assigned to your partner when you have been married a long time. How dare they not be there to take care of those things!!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Donna, Thank you! Fudge and Vern loved the snow and Vern was like a wild dog. LOL A couple of times, Fudge ran to the door like "get me away from him!" Tell Quincy I bet he will have snow soon :)

F, Thank you for telling me that information. I am calling around tomorrow for estimates. It is all I want for Christmas from Santa :) I was told this morning, not to expect power until the end of the week and it came back on around 4:30 pm.....almost 15 minutes AFTER my DH walked in the door. I hope you keep your power on and any more storms bypass your house :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

No, no. Don't get a generator you have to switch on. Spend the bucks and get one that senses the power going off and turns itself on. Mine runs on natural gas and it's worth it's my weight since it's probably greater in gold. Otherwise you have to get fuel and/or have lots on hand--not a plan IMHO. People here are being told days, a week til power returns. BTW< I'm worrying already : )

[Donna K & Quincy]

Laurie, I am almost afraid to read part two. I can only say that if more people had your sense of humor the world would be a better place. If things get too rough you can always hitch Fudge and Vern to that giant banana and split. Quincy says to tell Fudge and Vern he is a little jealous of the snow, his mother on the other hand is not.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Leslie, I hope it makes you laugh. By the end of this weekend, I was almost crying and I don't cry much!! Thank goodness it is over :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, When you read Part two, you are going to be crying for me. I admire you for all the things you can do and maybe I could do them if forced under great distress or a gun was held to my head. I actually used a service for my old computer located in India and had great luck with them. I loved when they signed off with, "Good Karma to You." If they only knew. I needed some of that good karma this weekend. It is over now. That is the only thing I can say good about it and power was restored almost 10 minutes after my husband got home. Life is good, once again. BTW, we are getting a generator that all I have to do is flip a switch. It is either that or we are moving back to the city. I will not hold you to blame for this storm, but next time you hear one is coming, please worry :)

[Leslie and Halas]

October is way too early for snow!  I can't wait to read Part 2.  I have a feeling it will give me a few laughs at your expense.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I would have great sympathy but I deal with this stuff all the time. Only I install the new super, fabulous thermostat and then find, just like the washing machine, I use the simplest steeings possible. To change things on the thermostat I installed for the AC this summer I had to speak to a guy, where else , in India. But since it was Friday evening of a holiday weekend where else would I have reached someone? And he was great!! Sometimes things surprise you in a pleasant way. Since we've had 3 or 4, who can remember, power outages since the 2 day hurricane outage, I expected the worst. I guess we worked out all the kinks and the lights stayed on. I do have my backup generator just in case though. Then I found out the plow guy, who must be decades younger than me, left the business. I was OK with cleaning up this snow, which weighed about a ton per square inch. As you know I never exaggerate. The good news is I lined up a replacement for future reference. So there you go, you win some and you lose some. But I am a good boy scout wannabe and I try to be prepared. I have enough peanut butter to last a lifetime but I haven't given any to the dogs in well, dogs years, whatever that means. So I'm ready for the blizzard next week. I have a theory that if you worry about something it may not happen. So no doubt this recent storm is my fault. I just never thought we'd get snow like this in October. Ah, free association is fun.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Sharon, You should have come over. We could have gone insane together. LOL

Thanks, Sue. I feel better today and think I can go on....LOL!!

[Sharon & Monty]

I'm with you, winter sucks~ I'm gonna be a basket case by January.