Nurse Ratched, Is That You???

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 

I hate being sick and this week I have been sick as a doodle. I am not blaming it on New Jersey, but I started feeling ill this weekend on the first night in Cape May and it has gone downhill from there. Fudge and Vern are great doodles, but not so great in the Nursing department.  Sure, Fudge was worried when I stumbled out to the living room at 4 am and Vern did lift his head from where he was sleeping and gave me a look like,  “Hey, what are you doing up?” but I never sensed the amazing intuition I have often read about between man and dog. Neither one of the dogs brought me some saltines or 7-up sensing I was too weak to get them myself, but Fudge used my early morning wake-up time to her benefit and decided as long as I was up, I might as well give her some extra head rubs. Vern, sensing that Fudge was getting the upper hand, so to speak, jumped up beside me on the couch and decided, all on his own, that whacking me with his mammoth paw just in case I did not notice the rest of him beside me, was the best way to go to help a sick person. So, there I sat at 4 am, alternating sweats and chills, and fighting the urge to be sick, rubbing one dog and holding another one’s large paw.  If this was what the doctor ordered, it sure didn’t feel like it was helping.

 

Oh and Vern, remember last week when you didn’t feel well and I had to bring you home and put you in the tub because of a slightly messy situation and how I lovingly washed you clean. Well, where was the concern when I was running for the bathroom screaming, “Move, Vern!” as you stood directly in my path and looked at me like, “what’s your hurry, lady?”  Fudge, you were not much better. After I finally gathered the strength to take you guys for your morning walk, I guess I was too delirious to remember to issue you the stay command and you tried a new trick and bolted from the van, out the open gate, down our long driveway, and into the street. I can’t tell you how much someone with a pounding head likes to pound the pavement with the sound of her footsteps and screams reverberating in her head.  All the while I was chasing you, I was thinking, “I hope when I catch that brown dog, I am not too weak to wring her little neck.”

 

Luckily, when I am really sick I have a backup system….my dog sitter and my husband.  Yesterday morning with my head in the toilet bowl, I think I heard my husband say, “Do you need me to stay home from work.” There was an echo in the bowl, so I can’t be sure and I think he mistook my violent head shaking as a NO and didn’t even kiss me before he ran out the door. He checked in on me once and said to make sure I called him if I needed anything and the one time I tried, it went right to voicemail.  I don’t like to worry anyone, so I just left a message that I loved him and I doubted I would be alive when he got home. I know he was super worried, though, because he cut his day short just for me and managed to come home 15 minutes earlier than usual. I was truly touched.

 

Once he got home to help, everything got so much better.  Every time, he came into the bedroom to check on me, the dogs followed behind him and wanted up on the bed.  The funny thing is they never once glanced in my direction to see if I was still breathing, but rather turned towards him to see if he was giving out any belly rubs. A couple of times I even said, “Fudge and Vern, Mommy loves you so much and could use some special doodle medicine,” and they briefly looked in my direction and gave me a feeling they were thinking, “gross people give us the willies.”  Several times, he left them up on the bed with me and Vern, I think, was doing some sympathetic panting which made the bed move like I had stuck a quarter in the Magic Fingers machine at some hotel.  Let me be the first to tell you, people with the flu like feeling like they are out in the ocean on a small boat.  They also like when they call in the sick patrol for relief, only to hear him walking up the steps saying, “those damn dogs!”

 

Boy, did I end up feeling spoiled. My daughter, knowing I was sick, called repeatedly and woke me up each and every time and once it was to discuss something political, which usually results in an argument.  I hated to be mean, but about the fifth time she called and asked me how I was feeling, I did say, “sleepy and wishing some Democrat would stop calling me,” and then after that when she called, she asked me to hand the phone to her dad.  Gosh, I didn’t like bothering him because he looked so comfortable in his recliner, but I did ask him if he could answer the phone from here on out and let me try and get a little sleep and he said he couldn’t find the phone.  How could I get mad when he obviously could not see the little black phone sitting in the charger right where it belonged from his vantage point?

 

We did finally agree on running up to our local diner and seeing if they had homemade Chicken Noodle soup, but we disagreed on whether or not Vern and Fudge should ride along with him.   The average age of the people at our diner is about 83 and we have found most old people with a full stomach do not like a large white dog waiting until they are right next to the car until he produces his best watchdog bark. 

 

In the end, I decided to try and remain upright for more than twenty minutes and I ran and got the soup and my husband took the dogs for their nightly walk.  Fudge and Vern should not have to suffer when one of us is sick.  After all, didn’t we promise “In sickness and in health, we promise to forsake all comfort and treatment, making sure our dogs get their walks, until death or the flu should we part?”

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lisa, You are very welcome.

FrenchPoodleDoodle, Go away :) I don't know what you are talking about..LOL!!! I am a perfect mother.

Ricki, Oh no.......I can't get sick on another vacation.

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Men only understand "sick" when it's them that is sick!

How do you do it Laurie, write these fantastic blogs to keep up all happy and smiling even when you have to take care of life from your sick bed.

Thanks for the funny!

[FrenchPoodleDoodle]

I get in trouble for not calling enough and then for calling too much. Why don't you ever write blogs about how you text your daughter (while she's at work) with things like "I'm alive" or" Call me before I'm dead"? Maybe then people will understand why I call so much when you are sick. If I didn't this blog would say, "I called my oldest daughter to say I was sick...I haven't heard from her since (or something to that effect)". :)

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Right, we ruled out Oregon Fever but I hear that it is hitting the cruise ships pretty hard! LOL!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Allyson! Ricki said it could have been New Jersey Giardia....LOL!!

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

So glad you are feeling better!!! Wow, you got the flu early...

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Penny, Gosh....I am sorry you had to change your clothes.....LOL :) Thank you for the well wishes. I am fine today despite my nurses. Ha!

[Penny, Comiskey & Beemer]

Laughing so much I had to change me nickers!.....Hope you are feeling better...

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Linda, I am glad you laughed :) I feel 100% better today...yippee!! I remember you said you were sick on your birthday...now, that is just not right on so many levels...LOL!! If we could only train our doodles to do the grocery shopping, life would be easier when we get sick :)

Karen, Thanks! I wrote it this morning when I woke up feeling so much better.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

How you can manage to be this funny when you've got the flu, I have no idea, but I hope you're feeling better!