Nurse Ratched, Is That You???

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 

I hate being sick and this week I have been sick as a doodle. I am not blaming it on New Jersey, but I started feeling ill this weekend on the first night in Cape May and it has gone downhill from there. Fudge and Vern are great doodles, but not so great in the Nursing department.  Sure, Fudge was worried when I stumbled out to the living room at 4 am and Vern did lift his head from where he was sleeping and gave me a look like,  “Hey, what are you doing up?” but I never sensed the amazing intuition I have often read about between man and dog. Neither one of the dogs brought me some saltines or 7-up sensing I was too weak to get them myself, but Fudge used my early morning wake-up time to her benefit and decided as long as I was up, I might as well give her some extra head rubs. Vern, sensing that Fudge was getting the upper hand, so to speak, jumped up beside me on the couch and decided, all on his own, that whacking me with his mammoth paw just in case I did not notice the rest of him beside me, was the best way to go to help a sick person. So, there I sat at 4 am, alternating sweats and chills, and fighting the urge to be sick, rubbing one dog and holding another one’s large paw.  If this was what the doctor ordered, it sure didn’t feel like it was helping.

 

Oh and Vern, remember last week when you didn’t feel well and I had to bring you home and put you in the tub because of a slightly messy situation and how I lovingly washed you clean. Well, where was the concern when I was running for the bathroom screaming, “Move, Vern!” as you stood directly in my path and looked at me like, “what’s your hurry, lady?”  Fudge, you were not much better. After I finally gathered the strength to take you guys for your morning walk, I guess I was too delirious to remember to issue you the stay command and you tried a new trick and bolted from the van, out the open gate, down our long driveway, and into the street. I can’t tell you how much someone with a pounding head likes to pound the pavement with the sound of her footsteps and screams reverberating in her head.  All the while I was chasing you, I was thinking, “I hope when I catch that brown dog, I am not too weak to wring her little neck.”

 

Luckily, when I am really sick I have a backup system….my dog sitter and my husband.  Yesterday morning with my head in the toilet bowl, I think I heard my husband say, “Do you need me to stay home from work.” There was an echo in the bowl, so I can’t be sure and I think he mistook my violent head shaking as a NO and didn’t even kiss me before he ran out the door. He checked in on me once and said to make sure I called him if I needed anything and the one time I tried, it went right to voicemail.  I don’t like to worry anyone, so I just left a message that I loved him and I doubted I would be alive when he got home. I know he was super worried, though, because he cut his day short just for me and managed to come home 15 minutes earlier than usual. I was truly touched.

 

Once he got home to help, everything got so much better.  Every time, he came into the bedroom to check on me, the dogs followed behind him and wanted up on the bed.  The funny thing is they never once glanced in my direction to see if I was still breathing, but rather turned towards him to see if he was giving out any belly rubs. A couple of times I even said, “Fudge and Vern, Mommy loves you so much and could use some special doodle medicine,” and they briefly looked in my direction and gave me a feeling they were thinking, “gross people give us the willies.”  Several times, he left them up on the bed with me and Vern, I think, was doing some sympathetic panting which made the bed move like I had stuck a quarter in the Magic Fingers machine at some hotel.  Let me be the first to tell you, people with the flu like feeling like they are out in the ocean on a small boat.  They also like when they call in the sick patrol for relief, only to hear him walking up the steps saying, “those damn dogs!”

 

Boy, did I end up feeling spoiled. My daughter, knowing I was sick, called repeatedly and woke me up each and every time and once it was to discuss something political, which usually results in an argument.  I hated to be mean, but about the fifth time she called and asked me how I was feeling, I did say, “sleepy and wishing some Democrat would stop calling me,” and then after that when she called, she asked me to hand the phone to her dad.  Gosh, I didn’t like bothering him because he looked so comfortable in his recliner, but I did ask him if he could answer the phone from here on out and let me try and get a little sleep and he said he couldn’t find the phone.  How could I get mad when he obviously could not see the little black phone sitting in the charger right where it belonged from his vantage point?

 

We did finally agree on running up to our local diner and seeing if they had homemade Chicken Noodle soup, but we disagreed on whether or not Vern and Fudge should ride along with him.   The average age of the people at our diner is about 83 and we have found most old people with a full stomach do not like a large white dog waiting until they are right next to the car until he produces his best watchdog bark. 

 

In the end, I decided to try and remain upright for more than twenty minutes and I ran and got the soup and my husband took the dogs for their nightly walk.  Fudge and Vern should not have to suffer when one of us is sick.  After all, didn’t we promise “In sickness and in health, we promise to forsake all comfort and treatment, making sure our dogs get their walks, until death or the flu should we part?”

 

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

OMG, Laurie, what a horrible ordeal!  I apologize for laughing when you are down, but your blog was so funny. I hope you are feeling better by now.   When I vomited through my birthday recently, Seda was the one that curled up on the bed with me and  Webber sat in the chair and just watched.  Neither of them went to the store for me.  From now on I am keeping chicken soup and ginger ale in the pantry!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Sue, That would have been a good title too...LOL! Sweet Lola...she is no Nurse Ratched.

[Sue, Lola, Pongo & Hubby]

I call your entire blog "The life of a woman". We'll drop everything to treat our doodles, spouses, children, even perfect strangers with the best care, but when we're down for the count, we get the "That sucks, you're on your own". I must say, however, that Lola does have that keen doodle sense when one of us is under the weather. However, she'll usually cuddle and smother me, making me even more disgusting and sweaty. It is appreciated, though. Hope you're feeling a bit better, that sounds like no fun at all (your description of it, though, is hysterical as always"

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Ricki, I did wear my clothes to get the soup. They have rules about that sort of thing here in PA. I also wore clothes in NJ. I am afraid the neighbors would protest if I ran around naked :)

F, Funny you should mention it...he does drink a lot of wine :)

Jane, Thank you for missing me. I had to pull out of a game the other day due to some pretty severe bullying...LOL!! I hate to name names, but Donna was involved. I cannot believe you were asked about dinner while throwing up. Haven't they heard of take-out food? LOL I will visit you with Nurse Vern and Nurse Fudge if you get sick :) PS I have been blogging, but things go quickly off the front page now!!

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Laurie, I was really starting to wonder about you....I'm so sorry that you were sick and got NO sympathy.  At least you didn't have anyone ask you what was for dinner while you were bent over the toilet....that has actually happened here.  Then when I tell them they'll have to cook it themselves because I'm afraid I'll vomit in their food, they come up to the bedroom every five minutes asking for "directions".  If I ever get really sick for long, I'll have to move to some nursing facility.....maybe someone could bring in a few therapy Doodles to visit me.  I really hope you're doing much better.  DK is not the same without you....we need your humor...your blogs....your games.  Glad you're back!!!

[F, Calla & Luca]

R and T,Really, especially on that cruise.

L, now that is a lovely picture. But boy, DH needs a large glass of wine to put up with....

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

F-Are you talking about the Oregon Fever that makes everyone take their clothes off and run around naked? I think Laurie had too many clothes on for it to be that one. Laurie, did you wear clothing to get your soup???

If it is Oregon Fever and  it becomes a pandemic things could get VERY interesting...

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, Wow....two laughs in one day. Actually, my DH has much more hair on his head. He is not wearing the cheese head to cover a bald head....LOL. Let me see if I can find a better picture.  Sorry, most of the ones I have I am in there too. I love your editing job...he looks a little like his brain is exposed :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

AKA, how not to edit!

[F, Calla & Luca]

Apologies to DH if he has more hair but really I was feeling his pain with that cheese on his head.