Rebellion Rears Its Ugly Head! I Forbid It!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I watch a lot of TV and The New Adventures of Old Christine reruns are some of my favorites.  I have seen every episode probably three times because it comes on when I am eating my lunch, but that doesn’t stop me from laughing throughout most of the show.  On one of the episodes Christine forbade her brother and best friend from hooking up and for some reason “I forbid it,” has now become my new favorite catch phrase. 

No one actually listens to me, but I feel better saying it and I say it often.  The other day when Megan called me from Oregon to tell me she hoped to travel to exotic places and maybe live someday in a foreign county, I told her I forbid it and she was to move closer to home.  She went on to tell me she is an adult and doesn’t have to listen to her mother anymore and we both started laughing when I said, “I forbid it,” again.  Recently, she traded in her car for a convertible and when she called to tell me, I asked her about the safety features and told her to keep the top up and it would be safer and I told her I forbid her to drive with the top down.  She went on and on about the reason they went with a convertible was for the sole purpose of putting the top down and told me again she didn’t have to listen to me. 

Since then, I have gotten a video from her demonstrating how the top goes down and she added some fist pumping at the end looking victorious and I took it to mean, “forbid this, mom!”   I wrote back and said, “this is really cool, but I forbid it.”  On Easter, she called twice to tell us they were on the way to the beach driving in their car with the top down.  She seems to like rubbing her defiance in my face and so I said, “I am driving in my minivan with my top down, too.”  After much laughter, she asked how many wrecks I had caused and then said, “oh wait, do your boobs even sit high enough for the other drivers to see?” They kept on with the jokes even though I forbid John, Megan, and her husband, from continuing.  (Here is where I was going to insert a picture of saggy boobs, but I am still having trouble getting the images out of my head after I Googled saggy boobs. Use your imagination or if you are over 50 and a female, take your bra off and look down)

 

Hayley and John are just as defiant.  Last Saturday, I had just taken the garbage out and was bringing the folded laundry up from the basement.  As I hoisted the overfull laundry basket up the basement steps and heaved and pushed it the best I could, John said what he always says when he notices my red face as I balance precariously on those steps trying not to let the weight of the basket cause me to fall backwards and break my neck, “what are you doing?”  We have long ago decided one of his few jobs inside the house is to take out the garbage and bring the folded laundry up from the basement when he notices the basket getting full.  The part I can’t quite understand is how do I teach someone to recognize a full basket if the fact that the clean, folded laundry is higher than the top edge of the basket and almost touching the ceiling of the laundry room, escapes his notice. I just think when the basket starts to resemble the Leaning Tower of Pisa and one more folded towel could mean the difference between having folded clothes in your drawers versus a bunched up wad of something might be the time to say to yourself, “I should bring the laundry up.”

The first clue he ever gets that it is time to bring the laundry up is when I am bringing it up those steps and he still manages to act surprised every time, “why didn’t someone tell me it was full?”

 

Well, this time the laundry was neither here nor there, because as I labored up the steps I saw him making breakfast.  Two scrambled eggs for John, involves six pans, four plates, an open butter dish, salt and pepper tossed over his shoulder for luck, and a toaster with every selection of bread we own opened and strewn about the counter. 

Seriously, it takes one not so Merry Maid an hour to put the kitchen back together after breakfast and so I said, “I forbid it!” and watched as he cracked another egg partially into a bowl and partially into my silverware drawer that he forgot to close when he took out the six forks he needed to beat the two eggs.  Even Hayley commented that he never asks anyone else if they want eggs and I told her it wouldn’t be a concern anymore because I have forbidden him making breakfast, except for cereal, and lo and behold, he got up the next day and did it again.  Does nobody in my family know what, “I forbid it!” means?

 

Even Fudge and Vern are getting in on this rebellious act. Never mind that they have never been stellar listeners, but it is getting worse.  Fudge has taken to ending my photo shoot in her own decisive way.  Any time I am trying to photograph Vern by himself, she makes sure to get within eyesight of him and stand there holding a stick, ball, or something equally alluring in her mouth so every picture I take is of him looking in another direction.

Hold on, I think Fudge has a stick!

The other day I wanted to get a picture of her with John and just as I was about to snap the picture out popped a piece of stick from her mouth and I have told her before I forbid sticks because I am afraid she will choke.

What happened to the stick, Fudge?

If I am out talking to the neighbor, she purposely picks up an acorn or a stick and walks by me repeatedly to get my attention and if the reaction she wants is not forthcoming, she will lie down right beside and chomp away. My poor neighbor gets incoherent responses like, “Did you have a lovely Easter?  DROP IT, FUDGE!  I am sorry your father-in-law feels poorly!  LEAVE IT, FUDGE!”  I can’t wait until Spring!  FUDGE, DROP IT OR ELSE!  I FORBID IT!”  I am surprised she doesn’t run into her house when she sees me out in the yard. People who say a dog doesn’t reason have never met Fudge.  Just the other night, Vern beat her into our bedroom and onto the bed and she went out in the foyer and started barking at something out the window, which I have forbidden.  As soon as Vern came running, she nonchalantly walked back into our bedroom and took her rightful place on the bed leaving Vern wondering what she had ever been barking at in the first place.

 

Vern, my sweet and obedient boy, has been having his moments, too.  The other day we had some sun and I decided to take the dogs to the park. Lately, I have been going to a patch of green grass and letting Vern off leash and hooking Fudge up to a 50-foot line.  So far, it has worked out well, until recently.  The first problem happened when Vern got all tangled up in Fudge’s lead, but continued to run around like a nut.  I was panicked he was going to pull Fudge off of her feet or wrap himself and Fudge around my ankles and take me for a spin.  I guess I should have remembered that Vern doesn’t know what “I forbid it” means, which became clearer as he continued to dance wildly about.  Finally, I yelled, “sit,’ which he did, and untangled all of us, but it didn’t stop there.  An untangled Vern proved to be even more dangerous as he darted in and out working Fudge up into a frenzy and me yelling, “Vern, she is on a leash,” like the dog who eats mud on a regular basis is going to put it all together and realize he needs to stop. 

I was also balancing my camera at this point and working feverishly to get my lens cap on before he plowed into the front of the camera and finally decided an individual dog photo shoot might work better on another day.

 

Of course, as often happens, I don’t always listen to myself and ventured back to the park the next day.  Things were going better until I saw a beautiful blue Heron and allowed Vern to get closer to the edge of the water for a better look.  Unfortunately, his version of close is submerged up to his waist and I was not quick enough to stop him.  I did yell, “I forbid it, “ and he immediately got out of the water, but then looked me straight in the eye and I could tell he was thinking, “do you forbid this, too?” as he preceded to roll in the mud. Later, when I was bathing Vern, I got to thinking that maybe all this forbidding isn’t working.  Now that I think about it, when Christine told her brother and best friend not to hook up, they did exactly that, so what made me think I could take something I learned from a sitcom and use it in real life? Hayley sort of drove the point home when she asked me last week what we were doing for Easter.  When I told her we had opted not to make an Easter home cooked meal, but we were going out to dinner instead, she said something like, “we do that every year,” and said she was going to go to a friend’s house for the weekend.  Of course, I forbid it and told her we should celebrate as a family, and she said, “I probably won’t be home until Monday night,” and I said that sounded fine.  Right now, I am working on a new catch phrase and have come up with, “If you do it again, I won’t be your mother, wife, or fill-in-the-blank anymore!”  Certainly that is going to scare someone into listening to me. 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Cathy. I am glad I could help with your Sunday afternoon :) If I figure out some catch phrase that works I will let you know. LOL

[Cathy, Fozzie & Shaggy]

I love reading your Blogs!!  They make sitting at school on a Sunday afternoon much more enjoyable if not productive :))  My catch phrase is "Don't you dare ....." fill in with "roll in that", "eat that...", "chew that...", "take that off the table", "steel my spot in bed"..... Unfortunately it's not working all that well for me either. LOL

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lisa, I forbid Hayley from responding :) LOL I was just thinking about you and wondering where you have been. I hate that you have a "real job" that does not allow for DK time. LOL

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

I am tired Laurie but never too tired to LOVE your blogs. So glad you were here this early AM, enjoyed immensely. I read all the comments but I love that you got the comment from the daughter woman in OR....the one with the FrenchPoodleDoodle I was wondering what she would add in! Now just waiting for the other one.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Cheryl, My kids would say, "grandma is nuts!" LOL You are lucky you found something that worked :)

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

LOL

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Lol, not in my house, Cheryl. Grandmothers are the pushovers here.

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

I never found that "I forbid" it" worked well after the age of 6. That's when I switched to "if your grandmother only knew...don't make me tell her!"  Grandmothers rule the world :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, I'm weak :)

Donna, You crack me up. Yes, I want that shirt....where do I get it? LOL

FrenchPoodleDoodle, How dare you? All the blood, sweat, and tears, I poured into your upbringing. Why you little........never mind. I forbid you from commenting on DK :) LOL

Jane, I know...right?

Lonnie, I need grandchildren, because I need someone to listen to me :) LOL Thank you!!

[Lonnie & Libby Lu]

I forbid, you will not, regardless of what you think, none the less you are doing it, are words kids do not hear and think we are talking a foreign language Laurie!  I have given up on our adult kids, but the granddaughters still think my word is the "gospel) and so far it is working!  LOL  This blog is so darn, love it:)  Hang in there!