Reflections on a Blind Doodle

[Thomas, Chari, & Lady Belle]

I want to add my thoughts to Belle's goodby post.  

The decision to put Belle down was one of the hardest in my 71 years on this earth.  Why?  Lots of reasons.  At 5 1./2 she was way short of her life expectancy.  Her first two years were with an owner who gave her up then in and out of shelters.  So her good life was limited to around three years.  The is not a lot.  There was a long shot she could make it with diagnosis and treatment.  But I would have had to leave her at the pet hospital.  Every time I do something like that I can see the look on her face saying, "I'm not being abandoned again am I?"  And I ran the risk of her dying alone.  You have ask yourself at a time like this, "Am I keeping her alive for her, or for me?"  I know I made the right choice.

One of the things that keeps running through my mind is the mobile vet's statement on her adoption listing, :"This is a once in a lifetime dog."  She was.

I guess I should be satisfied that this very special animal was entrusted to my care for three years.  But i'm not because she had so much to give.

I really miss getting up of the morning an hearing her announce in Chewbaca (Star Wars Movie) sounds I better get dressed because she was ready to go for her walk.

Blind?  Most people we encountered had no idea - unless she ran into something.  If she did she'd shake off the sting and go on.  She was a neighborhood favorite with the kids.  She wasn't a flight risk- she didn't know where she was going.  That is unless she heard kids playing in the neighbor's back yard.  She'd charge through honeysuckle bushes and assorted other barriers to get to them.

Belle, I hurt really bad right now.  I suspect I will hurt for quite a while.  But once that clears, I'll be left with these and other memories.  I'll carry you with me in my heart for the rest of my life.

[Thomas, Chari, & Lady Belle]

Thank you for all the wonderful feedback to this post and Belle's last post.  If you read through the blog, I had all kinds of dreams for her - agility dog, etc.  It took me a while to figure out that all this girl wanted was to be a normal dog, enjoying interaction with humans.  She also wanted a furever home and a loving family.  She succeeded spectacularly on both of those goals.  Everyone who encountered her commented on how sweet and well behaved she was.  I don't think that was an accident.  She did everything she could to reinforce the fact that the decision to adopt her was an excellent one.  She had her forever home and was going to do everything she could to keep it.  God bless you, Belle!!

[Amy and Annabelle]

My heart breaks for you and your wife. I hope time heals all wounds and you will be left with the happy memories that will leave a smile on your face and not tears. It's not the quantity of the years, but the quality and your family certainly provided her with that. She left this world knowing she was very much loved. 

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

I know what you mean when you talk about a "too short life". We lost our Sedona at 6 1/2 years, way too soon. It was heartbreaking because it was so unexpected and she should have had so much more life to live!!

Like you said, once the pain softens a bit, your memories will be clear and will hopefully bring you much happiness.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

My heart breaks for you and Chari, Tom. You were there for her when it counted, and you never let her down, right up until the end. May your memories of your time together bring you comfort. It wasn't enough time, but it never is. 

We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, 
live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. 
Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way. 
We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, 
never fully understanding the necessary plan.

Irving Townsend