Labradoodle & Goldendoodle Forum
Rules for the Dog
Things I Must Remember As A Dog
(In order to keep my present living arrangements)
The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.
I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not chew my humans' toothbrushes and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
I will not steal my mom's thong underwear and dance all over the backyard with them.
The sofa is not a face towel.
Neither are mom & dad's laps. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's driver's license and car registration.
I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage; I do not want a string hanging out of my butt.
I will not roll around in the dirt right after just getting a bath.
Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.
I will not hump on any person's leg just because I thought they needed a good hump.
I will not fart in my owners' faces while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.
I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
I will remember that suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.
The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. .
(In order to keep my present living arrangements)
The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.
I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not chew my humans' toothbrushes and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
I will not steal my mom's thong underwear and dance all over the backyard with them.
The sofa is not a face towel.
Neither are mom & dad's laps. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's driver's license and car registration.
I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage; I do not want a string hanging out of my butt.
I will not roll around in the dirt right after just getting a bath.
Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.
I will not hump on any person's leg just because I thought they needed a good hump.
I will not fart in my owners' faces while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.
I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
I will remember that suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.
The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. .
Comment
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Comment by Sue & Willy Babe on July 26, 2009 at 8:43am
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LOL I Love This!!!!
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Comment by Rose on July 26, 2009 at 8:37am
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LOL! This is great!
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Comment by Jeanie on July 26, 2009 at 5:53am
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LOL! Hilarious!
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Comment by Kevin Poole, Penny & Ozzy on July 26, 2009 at 5:28am
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Did you write this? It's awesome! 5.00am and my wife and I are in tears! Never a truer word said!
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Comment by LuvMyAbby&Kaela on July 25, 2009 at 8:11pm
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LOL! Thanks for making me grateful I dont have a cat!!!
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