She Said, He Did.

[LuvMyAbby&Kaela]

Why is it that I feel my way is the right way, my husbands way is the wrong way, yet he gets the results and I dont?

Just getting back from a camping trip and weeding through the posts for Chris & Boys biting issues it just got me thinking...

If I were a dog I would probably be a chihuahua. A lot of bark but no bite. When I am really really mad I would probably be akin to a rabid chihuahua - with no teeth -, foaming at the mouth, yipping, acting all crazy yet essentially harmless and damn ineffective.

Husband would be a German Shepherd - the police dog variety. Of few words, yet effective - and deadly.

With our dogs in the past, I was all about preaching the loving gentle ways of Warren Eckstein to my husband. I read the book. He of course did not. (Or would not? Still don't know which.)

This time when getting Abby it was Tamar Gellars "The Loved Dog". After not being able to get Dear Husband to read it himself I preached to him all the ideas and ways.

Like most of the members of DK I have a loving, gentle, Ghandi-like approach to raising and training our dogs.

So often Husband makes me cringe because he makes the dog squawk! He is dealing with the dog and then "YIPE!"- And then I respond with HONEY WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO!!!!???!!" And he responds with " I DIDNT DO ANYTHING!! BUT I AM NOT GOING TO LET THE DOG BITE ME!!"

....or, in the past, "I am not going to let the dog steal food", "take off when I say stay" etc...etc...

And everytime I hear this squawk, yipe, or yelp I really cant stand dear old DH thinking "what an ass, what a brute"

I dont know what he does, I never see him, it is over with by the time I come running and he maintains he did nothing but he is 'not going to put up with this', or 'not going to put up with that'. Husband is not a hitter so I know he doesnt whack the dogs, He is not a saddist so I am sure he doesnt pull tails, but he has made every dog squawk and I dont think I have ever made a dog squawk (except the time I accidentally vaccuuumed up Baileys tail....)

Anyways the Dog Squeaker-er unfortunately gets the results I dont. My 5 month old bites me and mouths me, but wont lay a tooth on DH. Abby totally respects Kerry and defers to his leadership, his authority. Our past dogs totally respected him and obeyed him too. The hard-ass had way more control over all the dogs in our past than I, and way more respect. It just took a word and a look from him. I definitely had more love but - hey - they loved him too. And his methods work. - whatever they are. (Well I know he would have grabbed the snout of the dog biting and smacked him while staring him down growling "dont you ever bleeping bite me!") While I would be "Leave the dog alone!!! - she is only a baby!!" That sort of scenario.

Anyways he uses the old cowboy approach to rearing dogs and I can not convince him to go to doggy yoga classes with me. He and I are like Dirty Harry and Pollyanna.

But he would be able to have a herd of rottweillers walking millitantly at attention beside him (given free reign on his own discipline methods without me interfering that is). I, on the other hand, get beat up by a fluffy 20lb doodle on a daily basis. But in the end I am sure she will just be perfect.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Enjoyed reading this. My son is the dog leader around here. He has an over-sized Doberman that he trained. He was "strong" in his leadership and very firm in his expectations. That dog worships the ground he walks on and while he is so well trained that he minds all of us, he snaps to attention when my son gives him a command. My daughter-in-law has that same natural authority with dogs. Some people just "got it goin'" with their authority and some of us are just, well, lovers and it takes us longer to assert our authority.

[Linda,Yankee & Finn]

I am like you, a softie when it comes to animals. To me, a dog doesn't "yelp" unless you hurt it or scare it half to death. You say the dogs "respect" him but it may just be fear. Do they follow him everywhere, want to be with him all the time?
There are ways to teach not to bite without inflicting pain. Yankee doesn't bite and nobody has ever used methods that made him yelp.

Maybe DH and dogs should go to training class to learn better ways to deal with each other.

[Adrianne Matzkin]

It my old age, I still don't use an unsuitable word in front of my mother. I watch my every Ps & Qs. I LOVE my mother.
My adult children can tell me they don't like me or even flip me the bird. They LOVE and LIKE me! and I them. We don't miss a Sunday dinner together. We go to the dog beach and park with Samantha. We talk WITH each other.

[HANNAH 8/2/07 & HONEY 7/2/08]

Not all men have a sensitive side, or show their emotions because of the way they have been raised. If something serious were to happen to one of the dogs, how would he respond than. Most "Bruts" are that way because they are seeking the attention. So next time make DH sit, stay, and beg more often...lol..have some fun with that...

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

The dogs may respect your DH, but they love you. Just like kids; kids will obey a strict parent because they're afraid, but they will confide in a parent that they feel more comfortable with, and show more trust & affection.
My ex was the same way with our dogs, and one thing I can tell you is that they never whined or acted upset when he left the house. Whereas for the past 32 years, I can't close the bathroom door without a dog trying to push it open to make sure I'm not sneaking out.
I absolutely agree with your last sentence; in the end, she will be just perfect. :-)

[Adina P]

Great post Pollyanna! =)

I think if DH was truly a 'brute' then dogs wouldn't like him or respect him the way you say they do like and respect him. You two are just different in your approaches. It's good to learn from one another.

I'm so glad you took up blogging...your writing is always entertaining and interesting.