Should I Have Raised Labradoodles Instead of Daughters?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 

My daughter moves to Oregon tomorrow. We live in Pennsylvania. I have been alternating between feeling sad and mad about this since she gave me the news. My best friend said she knew I was upset when I lost my sense of humor. I blame myself and my husband. We were stupid. All the while our kids were growing up, we told them they could do anything and be anything. What we should have said is, “You can be anything and do anything within a 100 mile radius of your parents.  If it is farther than that, you won’t like it.”  I really think when they were little, my DH and I should have been whispering, “Always stay close to home,” in their tiny, little, impressionable ears each night as they were drifting off to sleep. What were we thinking?  I mean, why did we spend so much time straightening up after they went to bed, having a little me time, and catching up on each other’s day, when we should have been brainwashing our children to never move to OREGON?

 

Oh, she has told me all the reasons she has to move…a new job and frankly I don’t care. I told her we would be more than happy to have her and her husband and their pets live in our basement and what sane person would turn that down. She asked me if I wanted her to be happy and I felt bad when I said, “If it involves a place called Oregon, I would have to say no.”   She told me after they have kids, she would send them to me for the summer and then laughed when I said, “Make sure you tell them I will be the tall lady holding the sign that says, You don’t know us because your stupid parents moved to Oregon and ripped our hearts out, but we are your loving grandparents.”  All she said was she hoped I got through security with my giant sign.

 

Nobody tells you this when you start to have kids, that someday they might just get a job clear across the USA and there is nothing you can do about it. Dr. Phil and Oprah really let me down on this one. All I heard was to teach your kids to be independent and confident and boy oh boy, did we screw up and now we have an independent & confident daughter on her way to Oregon.  I am writing all this down in the hopes that some of you newer parents can learn from my mistakes. Start the brainwashing NOW, before it is too late. Meanwhile, I am going to start whispering in Fudge and Vern’s ears every night, “Don’t even think about moving or else!”

 

Here are the Stab Your Parents in the Back Soon to be Oregonians:

 

I bet if she knew all these facts, she would turn around and head for home:

 

• In Stanfield, Oregon, no more than two people are allowed to share a single drink.

• It is against the law in Myrtle Creek to box with a kangaroo.

• The hazelnut is Oregon's official state nut. Oregon is the only state that has an official state nut.

• In Oregon it is illegal to use canned corn as fish bait.

• Oregon's state flag pictures a beaver on its reverse side.

• In Portland, people are banned from whistling underwater.

• In Bend, Oregon is a Bowling Ball Garden at a place called the Funny Farm, where you can actually buy bowling ball seeds in the gift shop.

 

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Bonnie!!

[Bonnie and Kona]

I'm sorry, Laurie. It is so hard to have our kids far away. We have had both circumstances... close and far. Mercifully, both children are now within an hour away. Blessed. The bonus is that when our son lived far away we had wonderful long visits that don't happen now that he is closer. There is special bonding that happens when you are together 24/7 for a period of time. Hoping this works out for all of you and that she returns home within a few short years (or months!).

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Denise, You are definitely smarter than I was as a parent. Keep up the good work...LOL!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Adina, Get cracking...time is a wasting...LOL! Do what you have to do! I am only trying to help :)

[Denise & Hunter!!!]

I am soooooo glad that I read this!!  WHEEEWWW - You saved me some serious heartache (I HOPE!).  My daughters are 12 and 9, I must start squashing their dreams right now, unless they are within a 2 hour drive of Akron, OH.  For now my youngest daughter says she is going to live with me FOREVER!  YEAH!!!!  I am sure some people would find this off-putting but I have to agree with you that they shouldn't be allowed to move so far away no matter what their age.  My older daughter, she has visions of New York City, I should start making a journal of crime statistics right now!!  I love the idea of your sign ~ I think security would totally understand and let you through. 

 

I am going to make sure my girls do NOT think the "world is their oyster"  - their oyster can be Ohio :-) 

 

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Sue, Thank you for putting it all in perspective for me :)

Jane, You are right...we will have a great place to vacation!

Lucy and Sophie's mom, I already told her when she buys her first place, Laurie, Fudge, and Vern are going on a road trip.

Donna, You made me laugh and I read your comment to the DD. She laughed!!

Maryann, I like the way you think...over stay my welcome.....

Deanna, Thanks for seeing my point of view...LOL! I read this one to the DD too. I am sure when she gets to the hotel, she will be reading all the comments.

Caitlin, That is exactly what I thought....haha!

 

[Adina P]

Hmmm...I'll have to think of some clever SUBTLE brainwashing techniques for Natalie and Peanut. 

Somehow I have to convince them that "Only food that Mommy or Daddy makes or serves you is NON-poisonous."

Although if the farthest they decide to move is Oregon that would be less traumatic--at least it's right under us not across the country. 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, I will warn her about the peeing man...hope that sends her back home :) I do think it sounds like a lovely place. I love your for the defense. You have gotten very professional since your trip to Italy...crime scenes and now a defense....love it!!

Jane, I wasn't thinking enough to stop the marriage...shoot....another parenting mistake. I am definitely blaming the husband.

Phoebe's Mom, I am really glad it is not the land of Velveeta cheese :) Maybe that is my payback...we will move to Oregon...(cue evil laugh).

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lindsey, They did talk about Hawaii too. I think I feel a bit like your mom with the blue print thought! Glad to see you are back where you belong....hahahaha!!

Pat, Thanks for the much needed laugh! I am pretty sure they are not coming back to PA, so my next wish will be for them to be one day away from us. Who knows??

Sharon, Thanks for feeling sorry for me :)

Pam, I will send you her number..LOL! Only dogs for me from here on out!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I am going to try and respond to all the comments, because they did make me feel better. My DD called from the car while I was reading the comments and I started crying. She said, "You didn't even cry when I got married." Somehow, that seemed like a much happier day :) I will survive and I truly appreciate all the nice words.