The Chicken and the Rooster!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

This spring when we were checking out our local garden shop for plants and flowers to plant, I spied a 5 foot metal Rooster that I fell in love with and wanted to bring home.  It was right around Mother’s Day and my Birthday and when I asked the man the price and he told me how expensive it was, I told him to hold on because I was sure when I went inside and located John and described the gift I had picked out for myself, he would run right out and snatch it up for me.  “Yes, John, it is a 5 foot rooster made out of tin and painted many colors!”  Unfortunately, things did not go as planned and when I pointed out the 5 foot rooster to him, he burst out laughing.  I used the same method I have tried many times on my oldest daughter when I have spotted something in the store I want and tell her I will walk away and make myself scarce so she can surprise me with it later.  I have never actually gotten anything using this method, because usually as I am walking away, I will turn to find her following directly behind me.  Even when I say again,  “What part of that plan did you not understand?” all she ever says is, “mom, buy it yourself.”  Luckily, I can be persistent, but I can also be reasoned with on occasion and as John followed me to the car, he said we should mull it over for a few days and see if I came to my senses.  I even waved to the salesman on the way out and told him I was pretty sure my husband was “this close” to falling for that rooster, too, and I was sure we would be back.  I think he said, “No hurry.  It isn’t going anywhere.”

Don't laugh!  He is much prettier in person!

A few weeks went by and for the most part, I forgot all about my rooster, but then fate intervened and I had to go back to the garden store for miscellaneous items and there he was waiting for me.  It wasn’t like one of those commercials where the couples run towards each other in slow motion as they are reunited, but it was close and I knew that big guy was going home with me.  Upon closer inspection, I found a couple of dings and zings and so I went inside and asked if they would lower the price.  The saleslady all but ran to find the manager and I suspected the conversation went something like this, “there is a crazy woman out here who actually wants to buy that enormous rooster, but wants a discount.  Let’s unload that thing on this kook while we can.”  Pretty soon she came back with a smile on her face, maybe even suppressed laughter, and said 25% off and I said, “Sold!”

 

Next, she took it upon herself to announce over a store speaker for all to hear, “We need a stock man to meet a customer outside to load the extra large rooster into her car.”  The only thing she could have done to be less discreet was walk behind me shouting, “Follow me to see what this woman just bought.”  For some reason, I felt like I did when the Pharmacist asked me in front of a bunch of other customers, “What are these pills for?” and I had to let her and all the nearby eavesdroppers know that without them there was a good possibility that my husband would meet an unpleasant end when during my next mood swing he said something stupid like, “I don’t know how much longer I can take this menopause stuff.”  It seemed like both times customers stepped back and gave me my personal space.  The funny thing was it was the same man I had talked to on the first visit about buying the rooster who loaded it into my car. He was chuckling and I said, “I told you I would be back and I will give this guy a great home.”

Unloading the rooster when I got home proved to be easier said than done.  He had jagged sharp edges and was big and cumbersome.  Plus, I had two Labradoodle helpers that thought standing directly in my way to smell this new thing was a good idea. 

I wanted to have it in the perfect spot by the time John came home from work and if it hadn’t been so big, I thought about putting it in the garage in his parking space, but I was afraid he would A) not notice it and run over it or B) notice it and run over it.   Either way, I didn’t want to try and explain to an insurance adjuster that his car damage was due to my husband hitting a large, metal, rooster parked in his parking spot. 

 

Before I go any further, I would like to give the official definition of rooster found in Wikipedia to clear up any controversy regarding the latter part of my post.

 

“A rooster, also known as a cockerel, cock (from Old English coc) or chanticleer, is a male chicken (Gallus gallus).”

 

While I was waiting for John to arrive home and see our newest acquisition, I took several pictures of my new Rooster on my dumb phone and sent them to a friend.  I am sure you can figure out from the above definition what an immature 55-year-old woman might take to calling her new friend when sending the picture to an old friend and if you need some clues, it was not cockerel or chanticleer.  It didn’t take long for my friend to text back that she showed it around and now some other people wanted one, too. I can honestly say, I have had as much fun overusing that word in regards to my new rooster as I have had showing it off to visitors. I have asked John if he told the guys at work about his 5 foot “rooster”, asked him if he would mind moving his large “rooster” to the left of the shrub just a little, and asked him if the rooster looked a little cockeyed where we put him.   I also went on to tell him that cockamamie rooster warms the cockles of my heart every time I look at him and asked him if he wanted to celebrate the new arrival with a cocktail.  He played right along when he said no to the cocktail, but was thinking about coldcocking someone.  Over the years I have found that immaturity can go a long way in entertaining oneself even when it starts to wear thin on others.  

 

Surprisingly, Vern, who is afraid of many things, did not bat an eye at the extra large rooster. I think he sensed it came in peace.  The dogs and the rooster have managed to co-exist peacefully for some time now, but just the other day, I moved the rooster into the house thinking it would need to come in out of the elements for the winter months.  Unfortunately, he is not your ordinary knick-knack and as I looked around my house for where to put him, I realized he might be an outside rooster or at the very least, a “store in the garage,” lawn ornament.  I had no choice but to take him back outside and put him back in his original spot until further notice.  Unfortunately, I mistakenly placed him a little to close to Vern’s pass through and sure enough, Vern ran right into him and knocked him over. 

I guess I thought even Vern, our bull in the china shop, would notice an enormous rooster and make the necessary adjustments to avoid it, but I thought wrong.  Down the rooster went into the shrubbery and it scared Vern half to death. 

Did anyone see where the large rooster went??

What scared me was I did not think I would be able to extract the rooster from the shrubs now stuck up his tail feathers without the Jaws of Life.  I pulled and pushed and cursed and I could not get him upright.  Meanwhile, poor Vern had decided this once former friend was now his mortal enemy and gave him a wide berth when walking anywhere near his tipped over form in the bushes.  I really believe if I had said, “Cock-a-doodle-BOO,” to Vern on one of his surveillance walk bys, he would have cried out in fear.  Luckily, John came home and got the rooster back on his feet and in the proper place for Vern’s pass through to work more efficiently.   Vern looked at the rooster in his upright form and remembered he was an old friend, after all, and was no longer afraid of him and so there you have it, the end to another cock-and-bull story.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Whoa that is one BIG "rooster".  Is it symbolic of something, Laurie, or do you just really like big roosters?  I don't blame Vern for hiding.....I would probably be a little bit scared myself.  Anyway, I found something perfect for John to wear on the next cruise.  What do you think"

Cock-A-DOODLE-do!

[Sheila & Finnley]

LOVE that "Rooster!" If I was driving by your house and saw that in your yard, I would definitely stop so I could take a picture. It's great !

Your blog was awesome and I enjoyed reading it. I'm guessing that at this point, and for the Rooster's sake you are glad that Vern is peeing like a girl again !

Sweet picture of Vern at the bottom.

[BG and Gavin]

Great story.  I love your rooster!  Perhaps if Vern put on his turkey costume the two would recognize each other as one of their own.  Just a thought.

[Bonnie and Kona]

I am thrilled you decided to gift yourself with that wonderful "rooster"! It's a beauty. I was shocked that Vern wasn't afraid of it so when I got to the part where he was giving it a wide berth, I was glad to know Vern was being Vern for at least part of this story. I think your "rooster" is going to really brighten up the yard in the snow. ;o) Thanks for the fun blog!

[Linda, Charlie Brown and Beau]

Love that rooster!  As always, thank you for the laughter you bring!

[Carol and Banjo]

Oh, Laurie....I think I have "cockerel envy".   He's gorgeous!    (Vern, I love you!)

[Joanna, Zoe & Bender]

Laurie, I had such a great time reading your blog!  The rooster is HILARIOUS! It reminds me of a house in our neighborhood owned by an architect that has a GIGANTIC life sized piece of art in front and changes from time to time.  See below for picture HAHA.  

& I adore that picture of Vern in the leaves!  I want to give him a big hug and smooch!!!!  

 

[Sharon & Monty]

I LOVE your rooster.  When we were in Mass this summer visiting my DD, I was so enamored by the little light houses many people had in their yard.  I ask her would I be lame to have one in my mountain top property?  She thought it over and said if I did it right it would be ok to have yard junk.... Her BF on the other hand groaned loudly.  LOL  I want your rooster if you decide its too much to keep it, I have lots of winter storage.  :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Sue, Thank you! John has learned long ago he doesn't have a chance of talking me out of something I have my heart set on :) He puts up with a lot!! LOL

Jane, Yes, you are taller than that rooster :)

Dori, Thank you!! Everyone needs a 5 foot "rooster".  LOL

Karen, We have something entirely different planned for Halloween...LOL!! Stay tuned!!  You might want to keep JD away from that blog. Sadly, Vern is back to peeing like a girl, so the cockerel is safe for now :)

Pat, Thank you!! I know where you can get one :)

Diane, Thank you for understanding...LOL!! Usually John gives right up and I think he does like the thing :) Vern has no concept of his true size!

Kristine, Thank you!! I have had a couple of people fall in love with him. I always like funky!!

[Vivian & Mojo]

First of all after reading your post it took a good ten minutes to stop laughing, wipe the drool off my face and get composed enough to comment, second I adore your Rooster, cockerel, cock, chanticleer or whatever you wish to call it. I really adore roosters and its my Chinese astrology sign so I admit to being jealous. When I first bought my home in 2008 I bought a wrought iron rooster for my mailbox and when giving directions to my home I would say the address and house with the grey fence and the c word for rooster. I'm a 66 year old granny who never matured and love to joke around and that rooster gave me years of fun until it mysteriously disappeared one day. coincidentally my married daughter was visiting with her hubby and his parents and I think she had enough of my rooster jokes but denies having anything to do with the disappearance ...hmmmmm...so yes I envy your big gorgeous rooster and will keep searching for one just like it.