The Couple That Trains Two Doodles Together Does Not Want to Stay Together!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

My husband and I took our dogs for a training walk today and we are now “this close” to signing divorce papers.  We always start out with the best of intentions and then it all starts to go bad.  I can’t pinpoint exactly what the problem is, but my best guess is it is my husband.  After all, I have tried explaining to him that I have taken both dogs to their puppy classes, I read the DK training group’s advice religiously, and I have attended at least eight more group classes and more individual lessons than he has attended.  If that doesn’t make me a dog training expert, I don’t know what does, although I will say, it would help my case more if when I demonstrated my skills with Fudge and Vern, the dogs cooperated every single time.  I just hate when I show him something and admit it didn’t go as smoothly as it should have and he says something like, “Oh, I thought you were the expert and would probably write another volume in your book series and call it I’m a Complete Idiot about Dog Training. “ He uses that joke a lot, despite me telling him on several occasions that the correct name is The Complete Idiot’s Guide Books and they are self-help books written by experts to help ordinary people learn something new and not in fact, my autobiography or memoir. Usually he just laughs and says, “my mistake.”

 

What drives me nuts is he doesn’t say the same commands that I do, and I think consistency is the driving force behind obedience training.  I tell the dogs to come and he says, “here.”  I think he holds the leash too tightly and he thinks I allow too much leash when training.  He thinks I am constantly telling him what he is doing wrong and I think he is doing everything wrong and needs my help. Yesterday, he was running with Vern and yelled for him to sit.  WHAT?  All I did was say, “Can I give you a little tip?” and he got a little huffy and said, “sure, Victoria Stilltalking.” Well, two can resort to name calling and so I said, “look, Cesar Moron, (It was either that or Cesar Salad) how about you toss this idea around and ask yourself how Vern is supposed to sit on a dime when he has 90 pounds of momentum hot on his tail?”  I went on to tell him the sit command made no sense in that situation, but the walls were up by that point, and he just nodded his head and mumbled, “this entire walk is a bunch of sit.”

 

Seriously, we have raised two daughters together and I don’t remember ever fighting about disciplining those two, as much as we do about Fudge and Vern’s training.  In those days, we lived in a three-story townhouse and my husband did all his TV watching in the basement family room.  Since I was always on the middle floor, I was the parent who got to hear them carrying on when they were supposed to be going to sleep. I would hear them scurrying about overhead and fighting with each other and often I did my best parenting on those nights.  Usually, I would yell upstairs, “knock it off,” about fifteen times with no results, and then it would escalate to, “Dad is on his way up. Good luck you two. I have never seen him this mad,” which would work for a couple of minutes until they realized dad was still in the basement not moving and wishing he had remained single. At that point, I figured I had to get tougher with those two kids and I would open the basement door and scream, “Can’t you hear me yelling at your kids? I have been handling this all night and it is your turn IF you want to stay married!” Sometimes, because I knew he was down there weighing his options and giving it more thought than I felt it warranted, I would add, “but when I leave, I am not taking the kids!” and then we would all hear the sound of his recliner reverberating throughout the house, as he brought that chair back to a sitting position and stomped up those steps.  I loved that sound, because it never failed to turn our daughters into a couple of sniveling little obedient children, although I never understood that part, because all he did was march upstairs and yell,  “go to sleep or I am leaving and your mother is getting full custody.”  Usually, that was all it took for them to quiet down and when he came back down after laying down the law, I always thanked him for playing along with that whole leaving thing and he always said, “who’s playing?” Anyway, the point I am making is when we parented we were a cohesive unit, a well-oiled machine, he was my Yin and I was his Yang, and we realized it was us against them and “them” were either going to make or break us if we didn’t stand together.

 

Why isn’t dog training as easy for us as raising our children?  I guess it helps that we can talk to our kids, reason with them, and explain to them why they need to do something, and if that doesn’t work, threats and trickery can work, too.  With dogs they just have to do it because we said so and that is why how it is said has to be consistent. All I know is we have to figure this out soon, before one of us kills the other over Fudge and Vern’s training.  Just last week, I said to my husband that it is too bad I can’t clone myself and then my clone and I could work with the dogs and leave him out of the equation. He smiled and said it would even be better if I cloned myself over and over again and then he could knock off a few and no one would be the wiser.  With that said, if one day you hear about a woman found dead in a park in a sit position clutching an Idiot’s Guide to Dog Training Manual, two prong collars, an unraveled roll of poop bags, and a couple of long leashes, I think you know what you have to do.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

After a long day with a ten-month-old puppy, and three-year old dog who still argues with me on the leash, I looked in the mirror and saw  you!  Ahhhh

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Laurie, another hit!  DH and I laughed through the whole thing, however not at the same parts.....  I think he empathized too much with your DH and perhaps he got some ideas.  Perhaps the dead woman in the park could be me....

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Oh Laurie, I hear ya!!! My DH, aka The Anti-Dog Whisperer has been undermining Tara's training since day one. However, Tara is the one that has figured out a way around him. When he talks to her, which I am sure sounds like "Blah, blah, blah to her, she looks at me for what I call a "translation". She has the most puzzled expression on her face! Like "What the doodle did he just SAY???"  So I tell her what she should do and she does it. LOL!  It's crazy!  I don't know what happens to the poor dood when she is alone with him with no translator! I just shudder to think...

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Donna, LOL...I bet Quincy tows the line when he hears your DH say he is going to hand him off to mom :) I am sure Quincy understands every word of that sentence...LOL!!

[Donna K & Quincy]

Laurie, I'm pretty sure you are right and it is all your husband's fault but really they are not genetically blessed with a listening gene.

My DH gives Quincy instructions in full sentences and this is what I hear when we are out walking and DH has the leash,'If you don`t behave I`ll give you to your Mother'. Who`s the better trainer do you think?

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jennifer, I am glad my marital problems are making you feel better.....LOL!!!

Jane, I laughed all through your comment, especially the part where he says, "watch out, he's gonna go." I think we can let them meet on the cruise, but we just have to keep a close watch over them. LOL

Amy, That "Y" chromosome causes a lot of problems...LOL!! I agree!! It would be so nice to have a training buddy :)

Carol, LOL to your comment, too. I don't think I have one roll of poop bags that is still rolled up. Every single time I go to get a bag, I have bags going everywhere. We just need to blame that on our DH's too :)

Karen, I am glad I could help :) LOL However, without him, who would I blog about??

Traci, I think you hit the nail on the head :)

Deanna, It was nice that he admitted that at your daughter's wedding, otherwise, you might have had to hit him upside the head on such a special day...LOL!! I can only imagine what you were thinking when your mom piped up when someone commented about your daughter's good behavior :) It is funny that Sedona knows who she has wrapped around her little paw!

BG, I am a fly on the wall :)

Sherri, Thank you for the nice comment. Hopefully, one of my daughters doesn't chime in and burst your bubble....LOL!!! Another good thing about Fudge and Vern....they keep their mouths shut :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Adina, I want so much to tell you it gets better...LOL, but for awhile there I thought I was raising a Lawyer :)  I love how Natalie is already coming up with some good stuff :) Makes your life more exciting!!

F, Your loyalty should still be to me first, not your brother's, especially if murder is involved...LOL!!

Roberta, They never listen, do they? LOL  We both need a clone :)

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Lol! I second what Karen said!!

Seriously Laurie, I have no doubt that you are as good at being a doodle mom as you were at being a mother to your daughters. And I bet it's your senses of humour that keeps your marriage so strong, among many other qualities. That being said, I agree with what was said below - the Y chromosone always has to get in there and mess things up. :o)

[BG and Gavin]

How did you sneak into my life and write about me and my husband?

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

My husband and I rarely, if ever, fought while raising our daughter.  He was almost always gone - working long days, business trips, etc. - so I pretty much did my own thing in the child rearing department.  Funny thing, though, when we were with my parents and someone commented on how well-behaved Rebecca was, my mom would always respond, "Of course she is.  Her father would have it no other way."  At Rebecca's wedding, during the "Father of the Bride Toast", my husband publicly acknowledged the limited role he played in raising her.  

He's been a little more active in Sedona's training.  He went with me to every training class, but generally served as the "observer" while I practiced the commands/behaviors.  When we're out for a walk, I'm the one in charge.  If we really need her, I'm the one who says "Come".  He's a lot more lenient with Sedona than I am and she knows it!!  So, in retrospect, maybe it's good that he was not too involved with our daughter's up-bringing.  :)

Amy - You're at least partially correct when you say: "It must be that 'Y' chromosome that makes dog training so difficult."  I think it's the "Y" chromosome that makes men difficult - period!!