The Dogs Ate My Homework!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Recently, I signed my husband and me up for some local classes in Photography and Photoshop.  I haven’t taken a class since college and have been perfectly happy filling my head with entertainment news and mindless trivia in the meantime.  My quest for knowledge consists of figuring out the plots on Person of Interest and what’s the maximum dose of Advil I can take after a trip to the gym.  Well, class started Wednesday and it brought back memories of our high school days when John knew most of the answers and I tried to use my feminine wiles to get him to give them to me.  Unfortunately, John has finally figured out that I don’t always deliver on the promises made and two of my wiles should upgrade to a 24-hour bra with better support. 

I did know many of the answers, but preferred to wait until the question had been properly answered before I added my nod of approval.  I told my oldest that dad was the teacher’s pet and all she said was, “why can’t you let him have this one thing?” Apparently, she has not been paying attention to her competitive mother for the last 28 years.

 

Another thing I forgot about when I signed us up for the class was the number one thing I always hated about school, a little thing called homework. 

Sure enough, after our two-hour class the teacher gave us our first assignment.  We were supposed to photograph something representing there is no time like the present and here is where the trouble started.  Our daughter, Hayley, has a degree in Photography and she can be a hard-nosed, tyrannical critic when it comes to my thought process and photographs.  She spends hours telling me I think too literally and I am not creative enough.  I spend hours telling her back I just want to photograph Fudge and Vern for the Doodle calendar.  I can show her what I think is an amazing photograph and she will take one look at it and tell me she can see camera shake and I didn’t frame it correctly.  I know for a fact that she can be bought, because John just paid her $10 to go for a walk with me in his place.  Nothing makes a mother and wife feel all warm and fuzzy inside like a bidding war between a husband trying to get out of walking with you and a daughter trying to negotiate for a higher price, before they settled on the $10.  For this reason, I have thought about slipping her a ten before asking her opinion on my next photo, but I can just hear her saying, “compliments start at $20.”

So far, she doesn’t like any of my ideas for my homework and when I told her Aunt Vicki said to photograph a bunch of watches inside a gift wrapped box, you should have seen her nose go up in the air and the highfalutin way she said, “you are both so lame.”  Then I told her I had some great ideas that involved Fudge and Vern and she said, “our school frowned on using dogs for our assignments.”  Oh boy, as far as I am concerned, them’s fighting words, and I said in my best British accent, “excuse me, Miss Stick Up your Posterior Region, for not wanting to photograph fruits and vegetables and discuss what is the meaning of life based on my picture of a turnip.”  I can only tell you photographers can be a bit touchy and this did not go over well.  She then told me to think about there is no time like the present the same as something happening right now.  Based on that statement, I had a genius idea, but she shot that one down, too.  I happened to notice John wearing his “where’s my carrot?” PJ bottoms and I said, “what about dad holding a bowl of carrots, wearing his carrot pants, and munching on a carrot?” and she wanted to know how that related to anything.  When I said, “it doesn’t really relate to anything, but I thought it would be funny for the teacher’s pet to have his picture up on the screen in his carrot pajamas,” she laughed, but thought I should probably keep working on my assignment.

 

Finally, I talked about an idea I had for photographing a bridge, but so far, the reviews have been about as bad as the ones for the movie, Ishtar. 

She didn’t knock my creativity, but she didn’t like my lighting, focus, composition, what I was wearing when I shot the picture, my attitude, and my hairstyle.  I can tell she thinks I am getting better.  Meanwhile, she may not like dog pictures for assignments, but I plan on using the old excuse the dogs ate my homework if I can’t come up with anything good by Wednesday. It sure beats one of my other family member's idea who said to lead off my assignment with a naked photo of me and have John yell out, "there is no time like the present to avert your eyes!" No wonder I like photographing Fudge and Vern.

[Nina, Phil, Harlow & Lacey]

Once again you have me chuckling so hard my ribs hurt.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Wow Laurie, I can't believe you signed up to take a class with John...right away I'm thinking "bad idea".   DH and I stay happily married by having nothing in common.   There is no competition because I don't like the things he does and he really doesn't like what I like...see perfect!  We could never take a class together...we'd be trying to "out perform" each other throughout...I would win, of course, and then he'd just feel bad.  I don't know if it's the best idea for your homework, but do you think you could get John to pose in the "carrot undies" for us? 

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

Another great post Laurie ... I I so feel the memory thing though.  Every time I try and look at some photography stuff on line my head actually just hurts from trying to do it!  My best advice would be to stay away from said daughter and just figure this out on your own.  Many years ago when I was 19 I worked as a civilian for the Air Force in an Engineering School environment.  I worked for a bunch of professors teaching Masters and PhD programs to Air Force Officers.  Yuck ... no offense to your engineer of a DH there!  Anyway, they were constantly encouraging me to go back to school.  Obviously my chosen profession wasn't good enough ... anyway, I finally relented and signed up for an on Base class by the local community college.  They of course wanted me to go into engineering or computers.  I signed up for a Computer Programming class.  They all of course wanted to "HELP" me.  That was such a mistake.  They would say oh don't do it that way like the professor said, here, do it this way it is much easier!  I stayed in a total state of confusion the entire semester.  I decided I was going to follow the professors guidance and just let them think I was listening to them.  At the end of the Semester, I brought my final report and showed them the "A" I got without their help!  Then I never went back to school again and lived happily ever after!  I say Doodles is where your love and creativity lie so find a way to use them in your homework!  You know, something like there is no time like the present (for a bath) and here is where the trouble started (I let Vern outside) ....  :o)  Have fun.  Can't wait to see what you come up with.

[Lori, Quincy & Frankie]

fun blog!  I agree with the homework hate.  We are taking a tricks class and homework is practicing-but its still homework since someone else has told me to do it.  My thoughts are that there is nothing more in the present than a dog.  not sure how you get that across in a photo, but hey, it's not my homework!  Good luck!  

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I wish I could be of more help with your homework, but I must have been absent when they passed out creativity, because I have none. Personally, I would much rather look at pictures of Fudge and Vern than pictures of watches, carrots, or camels. Although Warren Beatty...

 

[Carol and Banjo]

opps......as I was saying.....

hang in there....you'll be an expert before you know it.....and WAY before I even get my feet wet no doubt!

[Carol and Banjo]

F., I remember you saying quite a while back that you were going to do this....kudos to you for not only doing it, but for sticking with it!   I, on the other hand just keep saying I'm going to do it....one of these days.....

Hang in there....you

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

LOL!!!!  Now a serious question - can John please wear his carrot pj's to the pj cocktail party on the cruise? 

[F, Calla & Luca]

It would be funny if it wasn't all so true. This learning business is no fun. I like to think over the years since I left school I have not only filled my mind with superficial trivia but that I have learned a lot. Yesterday I tried to master selection tools in Photoshop though. I failed miserably and probably will have to repeat the lessons I don't know how many times. I hate this stuff. But I promised myself I could never do it provided I could do it. What a mistake.

[Carol and Banjo]

Another hilarious post Laurie.   DH may be teacher's pet, but I have a suspicion that your competitive nature will bring you to the head of the class!    p.s.  I'm a little envious that you have a live in critic......how great to have an in house expert!!!!