The Princess and the Pea!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

My dogs need to be groomed.  They have an appointment next week and if I thought my groomer had a drop box I would have left them there last night.   I leave my car at the mechanic’s the night before an appointment with a note stating what needs to be done, so why can’t my groomer be as accommodating.  I have thought about tying them up outside her grooming salon so she finds them in the morning with a note around their necks that reads, “Mom says we can’t come home until we are clean.” The problem with this idea is my groomer has a very long driveway and a bunch of animals along the way.  Most of them are goats, but she has a goat-protecting dog and a goat-protecting llama, so it is hard to sneak up on her.  I am not sure why she has all the protection surrounding her goats as personally, I never felt that a goat would be anyone’s first choice for a pet-kidnapping ring.   “We have your goat.  Please leave $50,000 in a tin can wrapped in cardboard at this address.  We have been running low on tin cans and cardboard since we stole your goat.”  Between the long driveway and the loud, barking announcements Fudge and Vern make as we come down that driveway, there is absolutely no hope for a cloak and dagger drop off.

Fudge is the worst because she prides herself on her clean appearance and preens herself like a cat.  The closer it gets to the needed grooming time the more she preens and she likes to do most of her primping on our bed.  Nothing spoils a TV show like having a large, chocolate dog sitting at the end of the bed directly in front of the TV and pulling the most minuscule pieces of a leaf or something out of her hair.  This morning she curled up beside me and rocked the both of us as she dug around in her hair for what turned out to be a little teeny tiny sprig of something she collected in the yard.  It was sheer luck that I was able to find the microscopic nothing in all that hair and cast it aside so she could go back to sleep.  Or should I say, back to raising her paw in the air to direct me to continue rubbing her stomach until she nodded off to sleep.  Yes, I have no doubt Princess Fudge would feel that pea under the mattress.

Now, Prince Vern is another matter entirely.  I really don’t think he would feel a boulder under his mattress. 

He is happiest when he has half the yard hanging off his body.  He has come back into the house from outside, on several occasions, with a slug riding shotgun on his back.  The slugs probably use Vern like bus transportation for a quicker way to move around.  I can just hear them out in the yard, “You can catch the yellow bus, never the brown bus, over by the tree rolling most mornings at 8:00 am and ride him over to the end of the yard where he rolls to let you off.”  Vern likes to lie down smack in the middle of our sticker bush and we have already had to remove one of our bushes when it ended up having fewer stickers on it than Vern did. 

Somehow, the Vern imprint in the middle of it bothered my husband and he did not care that it was Vern’s home base when he was outside, so to speak.  The groomer is going to take one look at him at his appointment and either say, “I quit,” or “I think we need to discuss a payment plan because this is going to cost you a fortune.”

 

Just so you know, Vern has had three baths and Fudge has had one since their last grooming appointment, which has not been all that long ago.  I have also contemplated biting the bullet and buying one of the Les Poochs brushes I keep hearing so much about and I did think about asking for it for Christmas.  The only trouble is Santa knows my track record with not using things I think I just have to have for my dogs. I did open my food dehydrator and removed it from the box and I actually looked at the directions.  Unfortunately, even though I swore to John that our dogs would never eat another store bought treat, I have yet to make anything for them in the dehydrator.  John calls it my big dust collector.  What was I thinking?  I hate to cook and dehydrating something now seems an awful lot like cooking to me.  Any recipe longer than 4 ingredients that uses words like blanch and julienne confuses me and for all I know, they could be talking about The Golden Girls.  So, I guess, with all that in mind, I should just forget about grooming the dogs myself and investing in any more tools I will probably never use.  After all, one of my dogs is very good about letting me know when I need to make the next grooming appointment.  Just like the princess, she gets grumpy and can't sleep. Meanwhile, the other dog is needed out in the yard for slug transportation.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Leslie, LOL

[Leslie and Halas]

Maybe try calling it a dust dehydrator instead of a dust collector. Then you could feel like you're using it for its intended purpose.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Deanna, What a bad time of year to be demolishing bathrooms :) That does not sound like fun to me. I vacuum almost every day and still see stuff the dogs bring in. I feel your pain. Yes, she does have teeth :)

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

I've been slaving away at the new house - getting two bathrooms ready for demolition (which starts tomorrow) - so I'm just now seeing this blog!  I love Vern, but I'm so glad Sedona is a little more like Fudge in her lady-like tendencies!  Slugs in the house - eewww!!  We had a cat several years ago that brought in all sorts of critters, both dead and alive, for me to discover after my husband had left for work!  I don't deal well with critters in the house!!  

Funny thing, though, now that we have a REAL back yard where Sedona can safely run free (rather than the courtyard and "fake" grass yard at the old house, she is bringing in A LOT more leaves, twigs, etc., and that's with her coat being short!!

By the way - as funny as your blog is, I think Jane's "does she have teeth" comment is even funnier!!!  :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

Thanks. Until the last Calla grooming I was doing it all myself. They may not have always looked camera ready but they were kept healthy : ) To me that's what's important.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, I hate to say it, but you are a better groomer than me :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

Now Laurie why did you ask me that. I have the best of intentions and the best brushes. But sadly I do not brush my dogs a lot. Calla is due this weekend along with cleaning 4 doodle ears : ( But I did make an appointment to have her groomed next moth and Luca will get bathed then too. I still find grooming him doable. I do cut out mats when I find them and try to groom tails and ear flaps more often cause those get the most snarls.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

BG, Well, we did think Gavin and Vern could be twins. Vern has managed to bring a slug into the house. Yuck! Yes, Fudge has to be careful about her tiara :)

Cheryl, LOL...I can see both my dogs with that new hairdo :)  How soft that sweet guy looks.  Thank you for sharing those great pictures!!

Becka, How dare you assume I am calling myself a princess....LOL!! I think Vern and Sadie could be a match made in heaven :)

Nancy, I am so excited Ned is on his way :) Come on, Nedderbutter....hurry up!!  Don't tell the grooming group about this lazy doodle mom :)

F, Do you brush your dogs a lot??

[F, Calla & Luca]

Boy Nanay we have two doodles which are so much alike. Luca gets those coony places all the time. Calla has a totally different coat.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Clancy enjoys being brushed, but Ned wants to live with Fudge and Vern and is packing his bags as I write. He had no idea that there were wonderful doodle moms like you who didn't brush.  He told me he will miss me but he'll just catch me on the flip side.  He got groomed last week and brushed and combed thoroughly today - he had some little mats and lots of 'cottony' places.