The Princess and the Pea!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

My dogs need to be groomed.  They have an appointment next week and if I thought my groomer had a drop box I would have left them there last night.   I leave my car at the mechanic’s the night before an appointment with a note stating what needs to be done, so why can’t my groomer be as accommodating.  I have thought about tying them up outside her grooming salon so she finds them in the morning with a note around their necks that reads, “Mom says we can’t come home until we are clean.” The problem with this idea is my groomer has a very long driveway and a bunch of animals along the way.  Most of them are goats, but she has a goat-protecting dog and a goat-protecting llama, so it is hard to sneak up on her.  I am not sure why she has all the protection surrounding her goats as personally, I never felt that a goat would be anyone’s first choice for a pet-kidnapping ring.   “We have your goat.  Please leave $50,000 in a tin can wrapped in cardboard at this address.  We have been running low on tin cans and cardboard since we stole your goat.”  Between the long driveway and the loud, barking announcements Fudge and Vern make as we come down that driveway, there is absolutely no hope for a cloak and dagger drop off.

Fudge is the worst because she prides herself on her clean appearance and preens herself like a cat.  The closer it gets to the needed grooming time the more she preens and she likes to do most of her primping on our bed.  Nothing spoils a TV show like having a large, chocolate dog sitting at the end of the bed directly in front of the TV and pulling the most minuscule pieces of a leaf or something out of her hair.  This morning she curled up beside me and rocked the both of us as she dug around in her hair for what turned out to be a little teeny tiny sprig of something she collected in the yard.  It was sheer luck that I was able to find the microscopic nothing in all that hair and cast it aside so she could go back to sleep.  Or should I say, back to raising her paw in the air to direct me to continue rubbing her stomach until she nodded off to sleep.  Yes, I have no doubt Princess Fudge would feel that pea under the mattress.

Now, Prince Vern is another matter entirely.  I really don’t think he would feel a boulder under his mattress. 

He is happiest when he has half the yard hanging off his body.  He has come back into the house from outside, on several occasions, with a slug riding shotgun on his back.  The slugs probably use Vern like bus transportation for a quicker way to move around.  I can just hear them out in the yard, “You can catch the yellow bus, never the brown bus, over by the tree rolling most mornings at 8:00 am and ride him over to the end of the yard where he rolls to let you off.”  Vern likes to lie down smack in the middle of our sticker bush and we have already had to remove one of our bushes when it ended up having fewer stickers on it than Vern did. 

Somehow, the Vern imprint in the middle of it bothered my husband and he did not care that it was Vern’s home base when he was outside, so to speak.  The groomer is going to take one look at him at his appointment and either say, “I quit,” or “I think we need to discuss a payment plan because this is going to cost you a fortune.”

 

Just so you know, Vern has had three baths and Fudge has had one since their last grooming appointment, which has not been all that long ago.  I have also contemplated biting the bullet and buying one of the Les Poochs brushes I keep hearing so much about and I did think about asking for it for Christmas.  The only trouble is Santa knows my track record with not using things I think I just have to have for my dogs. I did open my food dehydrator and removed it from the box and I actually looked at the directions.  Unfortunately, even though I swore to John that our dogs would never eat another store bought treat, I have yet to make anything for them in the dehydrator.  John calls it my big dust collector.  What was I thinking?  I hate to cook and dehydrating something now seems an awful lot like cooking to me.  Any recipe longer than 4 ingredients that uses words like blanch and julienne confuses me and for all I know, they could be talking about The Golden Girls.  So, I guess, with all that in mind, I should just forget about grooming the dogs myself and investing in any more tools I will probably never use.  After all, one of my dogs is very good about letting me know when I need to make the next grooming appointment.  Just like the princess, she gets grumpy and can't sleep. Meanwhile, the other dog is needed out in the yard for slug transportation.

[Becka]

LOL Laurie. For some reason when I saw the title of this blog I thought it was going to be about you!

Sadie is a total Vern and runs around the dog park with every manner of mulch, leaf, and stick in her coat.

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

LOL !  Best blog yet!!! But Laurie, I'm a bit worried about your choice of groomers.  Goats and llamas?  Let's hope she doesn't get confused.  Alpacas (heart them) are pretty close to llamas. In fact, when you look at a whole group of them in their fleecy coats - they kind of look like a bunch of dirty doodles.  

Except they hum.

Seriously they do.  So cute.

But back to my point. Last summer I went to a cria shearing which is why I'm a bit concerned for Fudge and Vern...especially Vern :))    

 

 

[BG and Gavin]

Sluggo!  er, Vern.  Gavin has acted as a slug delivery system a time of two as well.  Unfortunately our slugs like to be delivered inside the house (yuck).  Fudge is a sensitive lady. Her coat needs to be kept clear of debris so that her tierra fits properly.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Nancy, I am only go to tell you this...so listen up....I never brush my dogs UNLESS there is something I just can't pick out by hand. I keep their hair pretty short to help with my laziness :)

Jarka, LOL...yes, Vern has already rolled in a stinky fish :) I think Auggie may be his brother. Good boy, Monty. When in doubt, pee on it...LOL!!

[Jarka, Monty & Auggie]

This past summer Monty and his BFF had a date at a nearby stream. Andie, the girlfriend found a big rotten dead fish on the bank and promptly rolled in it. Monty saw it and came running to see what's going on. No need to say that I was trying to get to him before he rolled in that slimy stinky matter as well. Of course, he beat me to the fish. He slowly approched it sniffing.....and then lifted his leg, peed on it and walked away. What a relief! That's my poodle boy! I'm sure Auggie would roll in it righ after eating half of it. Yuck!

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Ned and Clancy are just guys (like Vern) and do not care at all what might be hitching a ride in their coats. Ned rolls in delightfully scented stuff, Clancy does not. Ned only wishes I didn't have a LesPouchs brush.  Do you not brush between grooming visits?  I want that for Christmas - no brushing ever!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Carol!! You are right....they are different in every way and that is what makes my life exciting every single day :)

Jarka, Yes, I love the blow dryer. I actually do use that gift...LOL!! Ok, Jarka....you make it sound easy, so I am going to try it after my company leaves. I mean it....the time has come :)

[Jarka, Monty & Auggie]

P.S. Yes, I indeed meant to type "Princess" when I addressed Monty. Must be the poodle part...

[Jarka, Monty & Auggie]

LOL, that's funny. I have a Princess Monty that finds our bed is the best place where to remove all the tiny pieces of outdoors out of his fur and scratch his ears until the bed is shaking so hard it reminds me of a water bed. Auggie is your Vern. He couldn't care less about what's hitching a ride in his fur.

You do have the fancy hurricane blow dryer, though, that you use. Santa is going to bring me one of those as well... I hope.

As for the dehydrator, it's really easy. No blanching and julienning. I'm even lazy to slice up a roast so I buy this thinly sliced top sirloin (or whatever it is) at King Soopers. At home I just cut it into 1-inch slices. 2 minutes tops. And off they go into the dehydrator for 10 hours. Around hour 9, the dogs start to snoop around trying to make me believe the jerky is done. Try it.

[Carol and Banjo]

Laurie, I laughed til I cried, LOL! Could those two be more different?!