The Saga of the Big, Red, Moose Head! (Absolutely nothing to do with Doodles)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

As many of you know who have been following my blogs over the years, at best, my taste can be described as eclectic. My kids have another name for it, but suffice it to say, my decorating taste is creative. You have been with me through the five-foot metal rooster, the anatomically correct metal goat, and my addiction to pots. 

No, he is not thirsty, it was an assignment idea for a photography class!

Well, moving into a house near a lake has summoned up all kinds of ideas from deep within me and I have been having a ball unleashing my decorating demons on this new house.

 

Years ago, when we were looking at houses to buy in the Maryland/Pennsylvania area, Hayley went with me to meet our realtor at one of the houses.  Before going into the house, the realtor mentioned that the seller’s agent had called her that morning to say that the sellers wanted to make it clear that the reason the bed was unmade was because the wife had gone into labor.  Expecting a bit of disarray, but willing to overlook it, I was unprepared for what was behind the front doors as we walked into the showing.  I quickly ascertained that the sellers should have also added that in addition to the bed not being made, someone in that house dabbled in taxidermy and now dead animals were mounted all over that house.  There were deer heads on the walls, pheasants and other birds in the kitchen, bear skin rugs on the floor, and the basement looked like a scene out of Silence of the Lambs. All that was missing was Buffalo Bill’s “animal suit” in the corner. Hayley and I took one look around and said this would not be our next home and I told our realtor that the sellers needed to be a little more specific to the next potential buyers about what was messed up in their home.

 

I am such a softie when it comes to animals that the thought of having one staring back at me from the wall has never crossed my mind.  So, imagine my surprise, when we entered an antique store and I saw some kind of big horned animal’s head on the wall and started thinking he would be perfect for our lake house.  John couldn’t believe it when I called him over to take a look and I asked him if he thought there was any way the deceased animal had possibly died of natural causes and specified in his will that he wanted to be mounted, rather than buried.  When I said the least we could do was give this big horned animal a good home and respect his burial wishes, John knew just what to say to get me to change my mind.  He mentioned that it could attract bugs and that was that for the big guy ending up in a wall on my house.  I may be willing to overlook my personal convictions for a decorating style, but I draw the line at bugs. I also knew my kids were still reeling from the antique rocking horse I bought at an antique show (it’s the creepiest thing we have ever seen, mom) and my extra large St. Francis statue (we aren’t even Catholic, mom).  Megan even went so far as to accuse me of only buying St. Francis because he was yellow and matched the walls and wouldn’t listen to reason when I told her he was hugely marked down and I got a real deal.  If my kids have their way when I die, I see my funeral including a garage sale and/or an auction as I am laid to rest.  I can only imagine the auctioneer fighting for microphone time as the minister tries to say a few comforting words.

 

Well, I was determined to find something to give me the look I wanted in our new home without violating my animal right’s stand and came across the world of faux animal heads when I did a Google search.  Those sites meant I could have it all and I started by ordering a faux deer head on Amazon.  He was all white and I imagined a winter scarf on him during the Christmas season and sunglasses on him during the summer.  I loved him when he arrived, but after hanging him, I realized he just didn’t pack the punch I wanted because he was too small for my space. After a while, I confided in Camilla (and Darwin) who coincidentally was looking for a faux animal head and rehomed my deer head to her because I am a strong believer in faux animal head rescue. 

 

The story gets interesting here because despite the fact that I wrote FRAGILE on every side of the box in large black Sharpie, paid an exorbitant amount of money for shipping and insurance, and answered yes to the box where the USPS asks if your item contains anything liquid, fragile, or perishable, the box arrived to Camilla’s with a huge hole in the side. 

Plus, inside Camilla found another very heavy box with a pirate logo on it and addressed to someone neither of us knew. 

In this day and age finding a strange box at your house is a scary thing and after checking for ticking noises coming from within, Camilla ran it back to the nearest post office. Meanwhile, I filed a complaint and was told by someone from the USPS that apparently somewhere along the line my box got a hole in it and someone trying to do the right thing probably thought that heavy box belonged in my box and stuffed it inside.  I guess the FRAGILE on every side of the box did not clue that gifted, kindhearted employee into the fact that dropping a heavy box into my package might be a bad idea and/or some people would say dumb idea.  With that kind of logic I can now understand why the USPS is in trouble.  Well, luckily, God protects fools and my deer head survived unscathed except his antlers came off, but Camilla said they could be reattached.

After the deer, I turned my attention to bigger faux heads and decided a moose head would do the trick.  I Googled what I was looking for and up popped the neatest red moose head that I never knew I wanted until I saw it on line. 

The same store had a harlequin moose head, which I loved, but could not figure out how to work into my house.  Anyways, I ordered my moose and he arrived, but he was just too shiny red for my house.  My husband has long ago resigned himself to the fact that I have kooky taste and made me fall in love with him all over again when he said we should run over to the store I love that sells chalk paint and see if we could find the color I wanted and he would paint my moose.  You don't have to ask me twice to go shopping, so we loaded up the moose head and off we went to my favorite store.  I might add that the last time I was in the store the owner pulled me aside and told me I was now a VIP customer, which meant I could shop the sales the night before the public could.  When I called John to tell him the good news, he said, “I can’t believe we have only been here two months and you are already a VIP.”  I had to correct him and tell him it took me four months, not two, so I might be losing my touch.

 

At the store, we told the shop lady what we were painting and after she stopped laughing, we worked with her to find just the right color. She did say she had painted everything with chalk paint, but admitted she overstated when I asked if she had also painted a large, red moose head.  Between our conversation and the saleslady repeating John’s jokes about my moose to all the other employees, we had a crowd of women at the sales register eager to see that moose, which was waiting patiently in the car.  After I mentioned he was in the car, poor John, who was now being called Mel the Moose guy by some of the ladies, was practically ordered to go get the moose. I know I should have said, “my husband doesn’t have to go get the moose if he doesn’t want to,” but I heard myself saying, “Mel, we want the moose!” and encouraging my new friends to chant along with me. What can I say? I got caught up in the moment and didn’t want to risk my new friends turning on me, ripping away my VIP status, or worse, start calling me Mary the Moose lady.  Thankfully, John realized it was in his best interest to just go get the moose, which he did, and stood in the parking lot holding the moose head as we all watched from the window.  While we were waiting for the big reveal, the original saleslady told all the other women that she had asked John if he had a name for the moose and he had answered, “Oh, I have a name for him all right!”

 

Since everyone was in a great mood, I thought about saying, “I told you his head was huge and red,” as John stood there holding the moose head, but these women were already hootin and hollerin and I didn’t want anything I said to be misconstrued. It might just be a matter of time then before someone started throwing dollar bills at him from the cash register and screamed, “Magic Mel XXL is in the house!”  It wouldn’t look right for a VIP to objectify her own husband and I knew I couldn’t be trusted to stay strong in the face of a little peer pressure. Also, I needed John to stick around because I wanted my moose head painted a better color.

 

Not everyone gets my style and just this week I had two people say to me, “I make no judgments about my customers,” as I was checking out of their store.  I am lucky that I have a husband who doesn’t really care what I do in the decorating department as long as he has a recliner facing a TV somewhere in the house.  Although, I will say that this weekend we were at a furniture store and I found a large, carved, teak deer head and he said, “Put it down and walk away! We have enough heads in our house!”  I guess I can’t win them all. 

[Bonnie and Kona]

I hope, for your sake, the thieves show up soon. I'm all for leaving the garage door open. In fact, I would be willing to drag it out to the street and mark it all FREE! Sadly the "hoarders" in my family do not agree. ;o)

Moosdemeanor! Love it, Ricki!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Ricki, Only you.........a moosedemeanor :) LOL

Bonnie, I hear you. I told John to leave the garage doors open and hope someone takes it :)

Cheryl, We are happy here. John is more relaxed and the dogs seem to have adjusted. For me, walking dogs seems the same most anywhere :) LOL I would love to see the people who take my decorating advice. 

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Loved the blog Laurie but I fear you may have committed a moosedemeanor buying that head! :)

[Bonnie and Kona]

Laurie, we've been here 2 1/2 years. I'm ready to drive the unpacked boxes to a charity and say, "Here, you do it."

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

Hysterical!!! Love it, that you're mightily enriching your new town's economy and becoming a celebrity in the process.  Magic Mel and his Moose lol!! Could a Decorating Corner by Laurie become a new feature in the local paper?  You guys sound happy in your new town and that's great!  Keep those photos coming.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Bonnie!! If I could just finish unpacking, I would be all adjusted :) LOL

[Bonnie and Kona]

I love the moose head! Great choice, Laurie! I love the blog, too. Keep 'em coming! I am delighted to hear you are happy in your new town. Adjusting to a move can take a long time. It sounds like you have shared your sense of humor with store employees and that's a great place to start. Thanks for posting.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, BG. So far, we are loving our new place.

[BG and Gavin]

Oh how fun! Sounds like you are making a splash in your new town already.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

DJ, I am afraid to hang anything on him. John and I disagreed about the best way to hang him and I swear, if he comes tumbling down, John is in big trouble ) LOL

Maryann, Thank you!! I do kind of like Melvin, but all names will be considered. You know I love food names, so maybe this guy should just be Mousse!