Until Death Do Us Part!! What Happens to Your Dogs, If Something Happens to You?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

A couple of things lately have had me contemplating my own mortality.  It isn’t something I think about a lot, but I do want to make sure that Fudge and Vern are taken care of if something should happen to me. The good news for Fudge and Vern is that my husband and both of our daughters love our dogs as much as I do and would never willingly give them up.  Now, if I could just convince myself the dogs will continue to enjoy the same level of care that I provide for them, I could rest easier.  On the one hand, my dogs are dippy over my husband and not long ago, I was cuddling with Vern in bed and my husband walked in and Vern pushed off on my upper body hard enough that I thought maybe he popped a lung or I could go back to wearing a training bra, in his effort to beat Fudge for some cuddling time with my husband. Once he appears, both dogs start making moony eyes at him and unless I am willing to wave large slabs of bacon in their direction, they forget I exist. I can live with that, but it was a little disconcerting to hear my husband say, “My two very favorite loved ones are in this bed,” when, in fact, there were technically three living beings in the bed that night and one of them was his wife and the other two were dogs.  I know my dogs won’t lack for cuddling, but I do worry that things will be forgotten if I am not here to nag complain bitc remind them and that Fudge and Vern will not be as spoiled cared for as I would like. Whenever I say to my husband that we will be together for all eternity, he always says back, “I only agreed until death do us part,” but I swear I will haunt this family if I look down to see my sweet Fudge and Vern eating Purina Dog Chow, using doggie pads, and drinking out of the toilet.

Believe me, I am not saying that my family cannot manage without me, because over the years, there has been some evidence to the contrary. When my oldest daughter was very young, I don’t know if she had seen one too many Disney movies, but every time she and her sister played make believe, I would hear her say, “let’s pretend mommy is dead,” and her sister never voiced any objections.  Once, I was driving down the highway and my oldest turned to me and said, “if we get in an accident and you are dead, how do I put the car in reverse?” I guess she wanted to make sure she would still be able to get home and not have to waste any time hanging around to help.  Sometimes, I got sick of her make believe world and would find myself saying, “why don’t you let someone else be dead this game?” and point towards her father, but she always answered back she liked her game better. I asked a couple of friends if their kids played these kind of games and when they said no, accompanied by horrified looks, I started to think maybe I was raising Lizzie Borden and might need to get a restraining order against my five year old.

On our 25^th anniversary, my husband surprised me with beautiful diamond earrings and while I was still basking in the glory of my gift, my girls asked if they could each have one when I died.  I asked them if it would be all right with them if I savored my special gift for just one moment, before they started planning my funeral and dividing my assets.  They were very nice about it and I could tell they were very contrite when they said again, “will the savoring part take long, because we are waiting for an answer?”  At one of my cookie parties, even the guests were going around and mentioning what item they would like me to leave them in my will.  One friend said it might be easier if I gave them post-it notes and they could just mark what they wanted and my mom said, “Good idea! I call the blue and white chairs in the foyer.” When I said, “I thought we were here to eat cookies and share recipes. I didn’t know we were having my Wake first,” no one seemed that embarrassed and in fact, one friend, and frankly it may have been my mom, said,  “You can lecture us later.  Right now, we need the post-it notes.”

 

It is actually refreshing to know that everyone will go on, but I still worry about Fudge and Vern.  I am poking a lot of fun at a serious subject, because that is how I handle things, but the sad thing is sometimes pets are not taken care of when a loved one dies.  Our neighbor walked out of her house to go to church one Sunday morning and had a car accident and died.  She had two dogs she was as crazy about as I am about Fudge and Vern. Like my dogs, they went everywhere with her and now they are left in the care of her husband.  Luckily, he loves them, but sometimes it doesn’t happen like that and a dog is left at a shelter, because the original owner made no provisions for the dog and that is very sad. We certainly demand better with our human children and most parents have something set up in their will that designates who should get their children in the case of death.

 

I know we did it and agonized over who we thought could best provide for them, had a similar parenting style, and would love them like we did. In our case, I wanted them to go to my husband’s youngest sister because 1) I loved her and 2) for years we have played a game called “I Got You Last,” which involves immature behavior, smacking, yelling, trash talking, and dodging in an attempt to see who can “get” each other last and I thought it would be fun to continue this game at the reading of the will.  I wanted the lawyer to tell my husband’s sister, “Laurie said to tell you she got you last and the kids are yours.” Unfortunately, I got vetoed by my husband who felt his sister was too young and still in school and the fate of our children should not be decided by a competitive whack job, as he put it, who wants to win a final game.

As I said in the beginning, luckily for Fudge and Vern, they are loved. My daughters would happily take both of them and if they came sporting a pair of diamond earrings, even better.

I have already told my husband if I go first, I want him to remarry immediately and find a woman that loves our dogs, and doesn’t try and outshine me. (I just can’t turn the competitiveness off)  He said he would prefer a maid that would go home when he got off work, and if she could cook him a good home cooked meal each night before she left, he would be fine.  I am a bad cook, so I feel he might be looking for an upgrade in that department and I had to explain to him what I meant by outshine. 

This is more what I was thinking about for him:

Then he said one of the nicest things he has ever said to me. He told me that the level of care and nurturing I have provided over the years has taught him independence and given him the confidence he needed to know he could go on alone.  I am sure my kids would say the same, except they might run to divvy up those earrings first.

 

In all seriousness, death is never something we want to think about, but we do need to prepare for those, and that includes pets, we might leave behind.  It is the right thing to do!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Allyson, Sounds like you have it all taken care of for your two dogs.

Jeanne, I can't imagine having those adorable faces looking at you and not wanting to snuggle them. I kiss and hug mine about 200 times a day :)

Jennifer, Wow....you know your dogs!! I know just how you feel, but I am lucky that both my girls loves these dogs and would take great care of them. I hope you find someone that will do the same for you. I don't think your dogs are spoiled at all....but that is like the pot calling the kettle black :) LOL

Sherri, Thank you!! Get it done for peace of mind!

Adrienne, I worry about the same things. My dogs are so attached to me and so happy to see me when I come home. Charli probably does have a little separation anxiety and I know there are steps to take to make the leaving process go more smoothly.  Our last dog had a severe case of separation anxiety and it was so hard on my family because it was me she wanted and would bark at the door the entire time I was gone. They coud not soothe her unless they sat outside with her. I worked with a trainer, but she never got much better. She was a rescue, so who knows what she had gone through. Charli does not sound at all like this, so maybe she is just nervous when you leave.

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

Great post - love the humor and good point about being prepared. My parents or my sister would take the dogs.  They have already said that.  I do think they *might* get split up - mom and dad would take Peri and sister would take Taquito because Taquito loves her chihuahua.  Sister has already said she would homecook for him. Peri is obsessed with my mom AND dad and adores them both, so I know she'd be just fine :) 

[Jeanne, Tura and Dolly]

Jennifer I can totally relate with your response. No one will take care of your "babies" the way you do.  I worry about this issue.  The only child I have that would WANT the pups lives in a tiny apt with a highly reactive dog. No yard. UGH.  My DH loves the doodles but like a fine painting on the wall, from afar.  He does not snuggle with them, treat them walk them or brush them.  I left them with him for a few days once with written out instructions and came home to mats and more mats. I assume they got fed. Left alone on the deck for most of the day I suspect.  He said they liked that....  What will happen to my pups?  I worry.

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

Great blog and great reminder. Our problem is-everyone thinks my doodles are NUTS!!! SPOILED!!! ETC!

They have dogs that are just there-these are my kids! We really DO NOT know what to arrange for them. I think a few neighbors would LOVE to have them (for about 15 minutes) because they know quite a few of them from their walks. As far as family...can't say that any of them would do it or even give them half of what we do. I KNOW they would not spend all that $ on Orijen so we would have to set up a financial account to care for them and allocate what money goes where and when. Myla NEEDS to see Heather ONLY as her groomer! Chloe NEEDS to go for 100 hundred walks a night to see her peeps! Myla HAS to come in the bathroom with you! They know what carrots are and when they get them for an evening snack. Chloe should always have 2 poop bags on her walk, because sometimes she just feels like going twice (something DH has not figured out yet) Myla only goes potty in our yard or at Petsmart! They DO NOT get treats from Wal-mart AKA China treats. If they take Chloe for a ride in the car around the block she will be happy! If they end up taking her to Petsmart, forget the dog section-she loves to hang out in the cat section and knows where every furry mice are! If she's on a walk and wants to stand on her back legs only, that's ok-if she wants to stop for 10 minutes and stare at 2 turtle statues in the neighbors yard that's ok, if she wants to hop up someone's side walk to see the kids or the cat that's ok. Myla MUST have her red ball at all costs! She takes it to bed with her, when she wakes up, she grabs it and sets it by her food bowl while she eats-she sometimes takes it potty with her. On a good day she will play fetch with it. Chloe is NOT allowed by Spunky (her cat brother) because she chases him, Myla is Spunky's protector. They NEED belly rubs whenever possible, if they flop down at your feet and lay on their back, this is what they are telling you! They love to go to the drive thru at the bank so do not go inside if they are with you-they are NEVER left in the car alone and they are NEVER off leash because mom's too scared what might happen. If there's a centipede-Myla will play with it but not kill it/eat it. Chloe loves to be hugged and her neck rubbed so if she scoots her butt on your feet, this is what she wants. I could go on and on and this is why it's impossible for me to see ANY of my family taking proper care of them. They think that dogs are just dogs-we think they are family and our only source of unconditional love-nothing would be the same for them. They would be eating purina and beneful and maybe even chicken jerky!!!!!!!  I love my family, but they don't LOVE our dogs. Heck,we are supposed to go up north to see my dad's new campground and my sister's new cabin. We can't figure out who to ask to let them out in the afternoon-we have a fenced yard but we still don't know...I may be going alone. DH won't let them go because of ticks, plus my dad's 2 dogs will be there-too much drama. Sorry for rambling, but you got me thinking too much Laurie! I have NO doubt your doodles would be in a good place along with your diamond earrings!!!

[F, Calla & Luca]

It is a kind of separation anxiety. Maybe Charli needs to get gradually used to you being away a bit more.

[Adrianne Matzkin]

I have been thinking along the same lines but not which humans in my family would make the better 'new mom' because their would be fights over who they would live with which makes me one lucky DM. They know what they eat and where I order it from. They know which vet we go to; where the info for their insurance policies is; they know 'the look' when Samantha wants to play ball and who likes to be rubbed where so from that perspective I do not worry. I really don't remember anyone fighting over who would want my 2 legged kids when they were babies like some of the conversations we have over the doodles - WOL!!

But what I worry about is their mental health.  How they would deal with my being separated from them - not necessarily forever but even a long weekend. I know that sounds totally ridiculous but I especially worry about my Charli. I work from home so I am rarely out of the house for more than an hour a couple of times during the week without them. I went to a friend's grandson's 1st birthday yesterday with DH. The 3 doodles were home with my 2 adult daughters and a SIL. They told me separately that Charli especially was beside herself when I was gone. She stuck go them like glue but they could read her and knew how unhappy she was - not that she really wanted to be with them but needed to be.  Today she wouldn't leave my side. Charli always has to know where I am, sleeps with me, follows me to the bathroom, sits outside the bathroom door when I shower. I used to think that was adorable but I worry about it. 

Do you think that is separation anxiety without the barking or damaging anything in the house?

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Thanks Laurie. This blog was great. I keep saying I'm going to get something official in place for the doodles but I never follow through. I'm going to get on it!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Anna! No one loves are dogs like we do, but we are lucky that our family does a pretty good job of loving our dogs, too!!

[Anna and Achilles]

Great Blog as usual Laurie. Sad but true I have unfortunately thought of that. I know my husband and youngest son love Achilles so much. However it is not the same as my love and attention.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Doris, OMD....now you are trying to pin that name on your beloved son. Wow. Do you know no shame? LOL  Something tells me you will be sipping coffee into your nineties :)

Pat, Traveler is another lucky Doodle!! I understand what you are saying about the quirks, etc. I am so in tune with my two and no one else would get them like I do.

F, I hope you stick around for a LONG time!! Who else takes my teasing so well?